|
|
Post by dirtdigger on Apr 3, 2017 18:29:08 GMT -5
I have looked for something like this for awhile now. I am in a SM. It had been 14 years since we have had sex or any real contact other than family member type kissing. We even sleep in different beds now. The last time we did anything she looked at me and said are you done yet I have things to do. Really hurts your ego, I tried for a long time to figure out what I did wrong but never have. When we we're first together sex was amazing we couldn't get enough of each other. Then after she became pregnant that was it no more.the worst thing is listening to her go on about guys that make her hot wiether on TV or out somewhere.
|
|
|
|
Post by mrslowmaintenance on Apr 3, 2017 18:36:45 GMT -5
Welcome dirtdigger.
I'm sorry you are here, but glad you found us.
I have only been here a few months and have had my whole Outlook and life change. I hope you find this group as inspiring, uplifting and helpful as I have.
And to touch on your intro, yikes.
My H can also freely talk about how attractive someone is, look at sexual things and then avoid me.
Do you think her goal was to just simply become a mother?
|
|
|
|
Post by dirtdigger on Apr 3, 2017 18:56:04 GMT -5
No I don't think so I think I was a way out of a bad situation. On her behalf she was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago but that doesn't explain before, and after the docs have told us to try different things and gave her medicine to help with the low sex drive but the the one that seemed to work she refused to take anymore. She explained to me that this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it.
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Apr 3, 2017 20:35:44 GMT -5
She explained to me that this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it. My X also used that rational on me. When I voiced to her about how detrimental her behavior was to our marriage she stated that "everyone knows men want sex far more than women". She went on to tell me all her sorority sisters agreed and that many of them had rationed the sex allowed their husbands. We were being intimate about every 3 months and that "I should just get used to it". I never did. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Apr 3, 2017 20:36:21 GMT -5
I have looked for something like this for awhile now. I am in a SM. It had been 14 years since we have had sex or any real contact other than family member type kissing. We even sleep in different beds now. The last time we did anything she looked at me and said are you done yet I have things to do. Really hurts your ego, I tried for a long time to figure out what I did wrong but never have. When we we're first together sex was amazing we couldn't get enough of each other. Then after she became pregnant that was it no more.the worst thing is listening to her go on about guys that make her hot wiether on TV or out somewhere. Yeah once my swimmers were no longer needed neither was I. My last time involved only a long sigh.. And not the good kind. Don't worry, we understand. You are among friends now. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2017 21:13:58 GMT -5
I have looked for something like this for awhile now. I am in a SM. It had been 14 years since we have had sex or any real contact other than family member type kissing. We even sleep in different beds now. The last time we did anything she looked at me and said are you done yet I have things to do. Really hurts your ego, I tried for a long time to figure out what I did wrong but never have. When we we're first together sex was amazing we couldn't get enough of each other. Then after she became pregnant that was it no more.the worst thing is listening to her go on about guys that make her hot wiether on TV or out somewhere. I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is painful and degrading. |
|
|
|
Post by allworkandnoplay on Apr 3, 2017 22:09:44 GMT -5
No I don't think so I think I was a way out of a bad situation. On her behalf she was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago but that doesn't explain before, and after the docs have told us to try different things and gave her medicine to help with the low sex drive but the the one that seemed to work she refused to take anymore. She explained to me that this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it. Welcome. I am pretty private, and shy in person, so I don't talk to other people about their sex lives, at least in real life  When I would bring statistics showing how often married couples were having sex, my W would just say that people lie on those polls to make themselves look better, or some other nonsense like you mention here. As Sham said, we're all friends here. I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are not alone. |
|
|
|
Post by csl on Apr 4, 2017 0:06:53 GMT -5
She explained to me that this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it. I know it's not kosher to dis another guy's wife, but, truth be told, she lied. |
|
|
|
Post by baza on Apr 4, 2017 3:53:22 GMT -5
Well Brother dirtdigger - your missus holds the view that - "this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it" You could *debate* this issue if you choose, but if you debunk her bullshit proposition, she'll just move on to the next "why" for you to chase over the horizon and back. There is not a lot of future in "why" chasing. Presumably, you do not share her view of marital sexuality, so the question arises whether these divergent views are a dealbreaker for you. |
|
|
|
Post by iceman on Apr 4, 2017 13:41:50 GMT -5
You should get used to no sex?!?!? That's completely unreasonable, not to mention it's also complete crap. Unfortunately, she most likely really feels that way for whatever reason and isn't going to change. Sorry. At this point the 'why' doesn't matter. That's just the way it is. She may put up a good front for awhile but she will almost certainly revert back to her true sexless self.
Not to jump ahead but have you thought about what you're going to do? Divorce, staying married and finding someone on the side, or just try to endure? Those are the basic 3 options, with some personal variations. All are valid and acceptable ways to deal with situation. Everybody here has had to figure that out, or are trying to figure that out. I'm in the latter position. There is no judgement here. You're among friends.
|
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Apr 4, 2017 14:02:47 GMT -5
"This is how all married couples are and you should get used to it" - Bullshit!
80% of marriages are not sexless.
What if you decided to quit your job? Or earn less money and have to live in smaller quarters? Can you say this is what I like so get used to it?
I think she better reevaluate that thinking because it's selfish.
If you are still in love with her and attracted to her then I'd say lay your cards on the table, see her reaction, you have nothing to lose.
Sorry you are here but it's a great support group. Welcome!
|
|
|
|
Post by lyn on Apr 4, 2017 20:44:23 GMT -5
Hey dirtdigger - to echo our fellow members, "Welcome to the club". And I am sorry this is the situation, but, it is what it is. She certainly has a lot of excuses for not having sex with you. It really doesn't matter what the excuses are at the end of the day. What matters is how you deal with them. You either live with them and make the best of things, or, you don't, and move on at some point. There's very little chance that she will ever revert back to pre-baby days when she was seemingly into it. Just judging from the statistics. In any case, I do hope you find some comfort here in the company of others who truly "get it". Regardless of your decision about a sexless life, we're here for you. Post and respond to posts - it seems to help. |
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Apr 4, 2017 22:28:41 GMT -5
"The last time we did anything she looked at me and said are you done yet I have things to do." It sounds like she is just not into you. Painful and humiliating and said to keep you from asking for more. Yet, she expresses sexual desire when looking at other men. So, she wants it, just not with you. Understand you can't make her change back into the woman you married that seemed to enjoy sex. How you adapt to the situation is really the only thing you can control. Good luck to you.
|
|
|
|
Post by Apocrypha on Apr 5, 2017 8:12:33 GMT -5
If her assumptions were correct, don't you think we'd be take an oath of celibacy at the wedding dais, as with ordaining a priest?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2017 9:45:06 GMT -5
No I don't think so I think I was a way out of a bad situation. On her behalf she was diagnosed with MS 6 years ago but that doesn't explain before, and after the docs have told us to try different things and gave her medicine to help with the low sex drive but the the one that seemed to work she refused to take anymore. She explained to me that this is how all married couples are and I should get used to it. FYI, I have a friend who has MS. And when her H doesn't want sex, that bothers her. So MS does not *have* to mean the end of sex. My friend still wants it with her H. |
|
When I would bring statistics showing how often married couples were having sex, my W would just say that people lie on those polls to make themselves look better, or some other nonsense like you mention here. 
