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Post by Apocrypha on Mar 30, 2017 10:03:01 GMT -5
I cannot believe it. Very "matter of fact" and absolutely zero drama, other than she said she would limit me seeing the children once every two weeks - I did not engage. [...] We even laughed a little in the conversation - She said she cannot wait to see what ridiculous choices I will have for future girlfriends and probably find them comical. [...] I cannot believe, I was all freaking out and it was so simple and quick and non-dramatic. [...] That is that. If you are fine with limiting your visits, then "that is that". I see drama deferred. What was her rationale for limiting your visits with the children? Consider that canvass on which the contempt is painted will change to whatever currency you seem to value most. |
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Post by mrslowmaintenance on Mar 30, 2017 11:09:42 GMT -5
Your STBX scares the crap out of me. I would be a little nervous about the smooth talk.
However, that being said... Wooooohooooooo
Awww yusssss you did it
Insert *confetti* insert *balloons!*
I have a lot of respect for you, I am really impressed you were able to resist being pulled into those argument ploys (I don't think I could resist).
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 30, 2017 11:53:32 GMT -5
I'm so happy for you McRoomMate. Awesome outcome! The thing is, if you hadn't been prepared, she would have kicked off the drama big style.
Constructive abandon varies from state to state (I believe). Certainly, in my state, refusal/withdrawal of sex for more than 12mo is considered Constructive Abandonment, so check that out.
You did it, man. That's awesome!!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 30, 2017 13:12:06 GMT -5
This is great McRoomMate... just keep your guard up. I'd be very surprised if the drama doesn't appear at some point soon. Hopefully it won't, but be prepared! Congratulations  xxx |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2017 14:15:15 GMT -5
I'm so happy for you McRoomMate. Awesome outcome! The thing is, if you hadn't been prepared, she would have kicked off the drama big style. Constructive abandon varies from state to state (I believe). Certainly, in my state, refusal/withdrawal of sex for more than 12mo is considered Constructive Abandonment, so check that out. You did it, man. That's awesome!! What state are you in? I wish Texas recognized that! |
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Post by Dan on Mar 30, 2017 14:40:11 GMT -5
Wow. Good for you!
A little disconcerting how much she figures you are going to make future bad choices. I wonder how she reconciles her belief that you marrying here was a GOOD choice, if she has that little regard for your choice-making ability.
I wonder... I just wonder if my Talk might go like that. I would say I'm deep into "fake it 'til you make it -- even though in my heart-of-hearts I think there is no chance of the marriage turning around enough for me to stay." Is she blind to this? I think so, ergo figure The Talk will hit her like a ton of bricks.
But MAYBE she is seeing through my facade; maybe she too is "faking it" and already preparing herself for the shoe to drop. If so, maybe my Talk will be as succinct. I guess I hope it will.
Well... I just don't think it will. I don't think she has the EQ (emotional intelligence) to see what is going on. I think she is living in the fantasy world that "he's not acting mad at me and haranguing me for sex like he used to, so everything must be hunky-dory".
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Post by Copernicus on Mar 30, 2017 15:52:25 GMT -5
I'm so happy for you McRoomMate. Awesome outcome! The thing is, if you hadn't been prepared, she would have kicked off the drama big style. Constructive abandon varies from state to state (I believe). Certainly, in my state, refusal/withdrawal of sex for more than 12mo is considered Constructive Abandonment, so check that out. You did it, man. That's awesome!! What state are you in? I wish Texas recognized that! Illinois |
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 30, 2017 16:43:52 GMT -5
wow! nothing but best wishes and congrats. must feel like a weight has been lifted...
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Post by McRoomMate on Mar 30, 2017 16:53:29 GMT -5
UPDATE - THE NEXT DAY
Thank-you all for the wonderful supportive comments and excellent advices. Very helpful and encouraging.
Just to be sure things were not going to be difficult going forward I asked her "what if I date other people, will you not be upset and jealous?"
You know what my Wife did. You will not believe it. She started laughing at me. She said I could date whoever I wanted and was laughing. I wonder if she already has a lover or something. Hmm.
Also tonight she had one of her work friends (a lady co-worker) come over and they drank wine and talked in the kitchen. She seemed quite happy and relaxed.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 30, 2017 17:11:21 GMT -5
Best of luck!
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 17:19:49 GMT -5
UPDATE - THE NEXT DAY Thank-you all for the wonderful supportive comments and excellent advices. Very helpful and encouraging. Just to be sure things were not going to be difficult going forward I asked her "what if I date other people, will you not be upset and jealous?" You know what my Wife did. You will not believe it. She started laughing at me. She said I could date whoever I wanted and was laughing. I wonder if she already has a lover or something. Hmm. Also tonight she had one of her work friends (a lady co-worker) come over and they drank wine and talked in the kitchen. She seemed quite happy and relaxed. That's what a manipulative controller does. Puts on their fake mask, and denies reality. It's all your fault, don't you know! Reality has it's own way of coming around biting her in the arse! |
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Post by lyn on Mar 30, 2017 19:06:35 GMT -5
UPDATE - THE NEXT DAY Thank-you all for the wonderful supportive comments and excellent advices. Very helpful and encouraging. Just to be sure things were not going to be difficult going forward I asked her "what if I date other people, will you not be upset and jealous?" You know what my Wife did. You will not believe it. She started laughing at me. She said I could date whoever I wanted and was laughing. I wonder if she already has a lover or something. Hmm. Also tonight she had one of her work friends (a lady co-worker) come over and they drank wine and talked in the kitchen. She seemed quite happy and relaxed. Wow - super psychotic! She's one scary peach! But, DUDE!!!!! You are a rockstar! It sounds like you handled it all perfectly. I'm sooooooo happy for you! Trust me, you'll have chicks lining up around the block to date you. Who cares what she says, or doesn't say. Laughing at you? Just so indicative of her true core being. Good riddance. And, of course she cannot determine custody and visitation ....... sheesh. Fist-bump right here! Well Done!!! |
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Post by wom360 on Mar 30, 2017 19:31:14 GMT -5
UPDATE - THE NEXT DAY Thank-you all for the wonderful supportive comments and excellent advices. Very helpful and encouraging. Just to be sure things were not going to be difficult going forward I asked her "what if I date other people, will you not be upset and jealous?" You know what my Wife did. You will not believe it. She started laughing at me. She said I could date whoever I wanted and was laughing. I wonder if she already has a lover or something. Hmm. Also tonight she had one of her work friends (a lady co-worker) come over and they drank wine and talked in the kitchen. She seemed quite happy and relaxed. She thinks you can't pull anything decent. That's part of why she's not into you sexually. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 30, 2017 20:15:40 GMT -5
Remind your STBX (ain't it great to call her that!) do not be meretricious!
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Post by ggold on Mar 30, 2017 21:35:47 GMT -5
Good work in being honest & not engaging. Follow up on shamwow 's question to be sure moving out before filing doesn't constitute abandonment or something (she may have read up more than you, or seen her own attorney given how glibly she took the news). Careful there, but also congrats on moving forward! Thanks GG. Abandonment was the term my brain damaged little head was looking for. The wife seems smart and manipulative from other posts. It might be a really good idea to get a free consultation with an attorney if that has not yet been done. @mcroommate You made a step in the right direction. Good for you. As you stated, you feel a sense of relief. I agree, however, with @geekgoddess and shamwow. Please use caution when moving forward, especially since children are involved. Seek advice from an attorney if you have not done so already. You really cannot predict her future behavior based on this conversation. I wish you the best of luck as you continue on your journey to freedom. |
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xxx
