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Post by filigree on Mar 15, 2017 12:03:54 GMT -5
So, I made a post earlier. It was the usual "My Story" kind of thing.
I deleted it 10 minutes later.
I was TERRIFIED that my W would find it, and there was so much dialogue that is very recent that she would know I had written it. Too much detail she could recognise of our lives.
(plus an affair)
She is not interested in fixing this, so she's hardly going to Google it, and stumble upon this forum.
She's not very tech savvy anyway, but the fact she's unlikely to care enough to search for info is the real kicker.
Ahhhhhhh, HELP me!!!
/ENDRANT
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Post by lakeside4003 on Mar 15, 2017 12:22:28 GMT -5
agree she doesn't sound motivated to find this group? and, you are anonymous here...no sure way to know who's posting so many similar stories.
I bet we can easily come up with 20+ 'similar enough' stories from just the last year or so.
no worries - decrease the anxiety
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Post by jim44444 on Mar 15, 2017 13:04:17 GMT -5
I read your post and it was not derogrative towards your wife. It also was mostly generic and would have been difficult to pin to you but I understand your anxiety. My wife is aware that I am a member of thus forum, I do not know if she has read anything here and she has never asked me any specific questions about what is discussed here. If you are truthful in your posts then what is the worst that can happen if she reads them?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2017 15:19:55 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are in a position where you are nervous to talk about your problem. I have been there & I know how it feels. I am so sorry. Please realize that no one should have to live in fear. It took me a long time to realize this.
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Post by wom360 on Mar 15, 2017 15:26:25 GMT -5
Guys have a bad habit (myself included) of keeping quiet about the things that bother them and then getting mad that nothing changes. Her finding your posts could be the best thing to happen. Why hide your discontent?
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Post by baza on Mar 15, 2017 20:24:39 GMT -5
Brother filigree. Is this "anxiety" present in other aspects of you life too ? and if so are you pursuing treatment for it ? If you are going to successfully deal with an ILIASM shithole, you are going to need to be at your best (or as near as you can get to that). |
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Post by nancyb on Mar 15, 2017 20:52:57 GMT -5
Everything happens in the fullness of time filigree. You will or you won't share your story. Depends on you. I would think you wife stumbling onto ILIASM forum would be rather remote.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 15, 2017 21:02:14 GMT -5
So, I made a post earlier. It was the usual "My Story" kind of thing. I deleted it 10 minutes later. I was TERRIFIED that my W would find it, and there was so much dialogue that is very recent that she would know I had written it. Too much detail she could recognise of our lives. (plus an affair) She is not interested in fixing this, so she's hardly going to Google it, and stumble upon this forum. She's not very tech savvy anyway, but the fact she's unlikely to care enough to search for info is the real kicker. Ahhhhhhh, HELP me!!! /ENDRANT My first post, I typed up WAY more than I ended up finally posting, thinking along the same lines. So I can relate to the anxiety. Okay, so maybe I might have typed her FULL name and email address at the beginning, but who looks up their OWN name in Google nowadays? (Just kidding, I didn't go near that close to who she is... LOL) I have to tell you though, after just a few day of reading many, many, many of the stories here and the incredible responses that everyone contributes, it has really taken a load off my mind. I hope it does the same for you as well. Today, I was actually smiling on my drive home, looking forward signing in here to read more again tonight. I see light at the end of the tunnel, not sure how long it will take me to get through the tunnel, but the light is at least there!! Hang in there! |
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Post by rejected101 on Mar 15, 2017 21:25:04 GMT -5
Change some of your personal details like -
Years spent married
How many kids
How old you are or she is
Where you met
These sorts of things will mean that if she ever does stumble on this site, the post clearly wasn't yours.
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Post by dinnaken on Mar 16, 2017 15:40:46 GMT -5
Hi Filigree,
I can understand and sympathise with anxiety; my first post here probably took the thick end of an hour and a half to compose!
I'd suggest you start just by posting on a thread where you have had a relevant experience - let your story slip out a bit at a time.
Or ask for advice on a specific issue that is really bugging you.
Besides it doesn't all have to come out - I'm never going to reveal some of the toe-curlingly naive and stupid decisions that I have made...
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Post by lyn on Mar 16, 2017 19:06:47 GMT -5
filigree. You know, I felt the exact same way when I first posted. It was like, "Wth did I just do?". Then for a few weeks, I would post and immediately delete my posts. Even my avatar looked nothing like me, just in case. At this point, just about 5 months from my first post, I've gleaned so much from reading AND posting. At this point, if my H ever found this forum, he would easily recognize me from my avatar, and surely from my posts. Some days, I wish he WOULD find our little hideout. Maybe, if our refusers read what we've all posted, something just might rattle against whatever it is in their brains that keep them from loving us the way they should. I truly hope you find that your own anxiety lessens as you perhaps become more open here. Liberation is a wonderful thing. xx
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Post by leifericson on Mar 16, 2017 19:14:11 GMT -5
We are here because living in a SM eats away at us and we don't want to live it. Our spouses are fine in the SM and have no reason to look for this site. Just use an anonymous browser so your history and cookies are clean and don't save the passwords.
I have found reading through these posts to be very helpful and know I am not the only one.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Mar 17, 2017 19:23:48 GMT -5
I can relate. I was scared to put it all out there. My original post on the EP forum is loooong gone. I deleted it shortly after posting it. It's like going into a pool. One little step at a time. It's ok. Most of us have been there. We understand. Take your time.
A little story for you in the meantime. I eventually got brave and posted lots of stuff on the old EP board. I vented and said lots of things that were bothering me. My wife found me on that board after quite a while. I was a bit messy with covering my tracks. She found me. She read all kinds of things. She read about my anger. She saw first hand how far gone I was. She saw how serious I was about leaving. And guess what? ....I'm still here. The world is still turning. I'm still married. Things are better if you can believe that. She read things she didn't want to read. She read things she really HAD to read. It wasn't pretty. Things got worse before they got better, but they DID get better. Also, had they not gotten better, I at least FELT better getting that stuff out. Keeping it all in was like swallowing poison. It was slowly killing me. Getting it out was scary. Knowing she found me and then read those words was absolutely terrifying .... but it wasn't the end of the world. It turned out to be the best thing for us in the long run. The temporary state of affairs after the discovery was just that.... temporary. Just something to think about. It's ok to be scared. It's normal. It's common. We're here for you when you're ready.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2017 8:31:30 GMT -5
I've found it very therapeutic to tell my story on here. There was a shame I felt about my marriage. I thought it reflected on my sexuality and my manhood. Now, I've come to realize it's on my wife not me. I'm just fine sexually. It's my wife who has to work through her issue.
Let you story out and you'll feel better. There's no shame . If you're wife is not giving you sex, then she's not going to look for this forum. The truth of the matter is your wife does not care that much. If she did, then she would meet your needs.
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lostheart
Junior Member
Posts: 22 
Age Range: 41-45
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Post by lostheart on Mar 18, 2017 9:14:16 GMT -5
Change some of your personal details like - Years spent married How many kids How old you are or she is Where you met These sorts of things will mean that if she ever does stumble on this site, the post clearly wasn't yours. Generally good advice but I find it difficult to change the number of my kids as I don't have any May need a lot of phantasy making up stories about kids I have if I keep up the lie  |
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