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Post by obobfla on Mar 8, 2017 20:27:23 GMT -5
We got the results of my wife's biopsy today. Two masses on her left breast, and one on her right. All three are cancerous. She will either need a lumpectomy with radiation, keeping the breasts intact, or a mastectomy to remove everything.
Right now, we don't have to make a decision. We saw a surgeon today and the pathologist on Friday. The doctors have to determine that my wife's heart can handle radiation. She had radiation when she had Hodgkin's as a teenager, and it has led to her heart problems today.
My wife is taking the news okay, but it has hit her hard. I was prepared for it. Considering that we were talking with a surgeon, that meant this is fixable. I was fearing much worse. There may be a silver lining in having a sexless marriage. While she has nice breasts, I haven't got to enjoy them. If she won't miss them, neither will I. So I will leave the decisions for breast reconstruction up to her. But I am reaching out to women I know who have faced this to give her advice. One friend who has had reconstructive breast surgery has talked to her already.
My job right now is to distract her, answer questions for enquiring relatives, and handle the doctors. I'm not female, so I'm not going to pretend to know everything she is going through. But if I can get her to anyone who can help her, I will.
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Post by baza on Mar 8, 2017 20:35:51 GMT -5
This puts the whole sexless thing into perspective Brother obobfla. Know that we are all pulling for you and your missus at this pivotal time. Your ILIASM deal has taught you how to handle adversity, how to handle frustration, and anger and a whole myriad of emotions. These skills are eminently transferable to your current circumstance. Be the rock mate. But plug into your support network too. Rocks need a re-charge from time to time too. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Mar 8, 2017 21:06:16 GMT -5
That's bad news. I'm pulling for you & for her health & well-being.
A sister of mine went with double mastectomy (doctors advised to do only one, but somehow she had hunch on some kind). She elected no reconstruction at the time. She was given a year to reverse that decision, if she wanted (by insurance, I mean - they gave 12 months time & would still cover it). She did change her mind & get reconstruction. She is very happy she did (it was more difficult because of waiting). As far as gender identity, I would think she ought to get new ones b/c they're covered. But of course, support is all she really needs right now, no matter what her choice is. She will have to choose between "all shitty" options- so there's no wrong or right answer.
I'm sorry, brother.
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Post by bballgirl on Mar 8, 2017 21:25:11 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear the news.
Hang in there and things will be ok.
Take care of yourself too.
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Post by greatcoastal on Mar 8, 2017 21:54:37 GMT -5
You will both be suffering. It's not fun, when there's suffering it hurts.
There will be a level of intimacy involved. To know some one personally, and to spend time with someone is intimacy. Thank you for giving her that, and being there.
There is glory in tribulations. Knowing that tribulations produce perseverance, character, and hope!
Remember, the enemy always wants you to think your alone. You and your wife are not alone, you have each other. If not on the level you have wanted, but you are still there for her.
Take delight in following the path of a good man.! Your a good man!
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Post by eternaloptimism on Mar 9, 2017 0:13:14 GMT -5
Oh no. I'm so sorry obobfla. How awful to have to deal with this. Sending you love and strength xxx |
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Post by snowman12345 on Mar 9, 2017 6:05:38 GMT -5
I wish you luck and positive vibes!
As GG said all options are shitty in this case.
One word of advise from a healthcare professional - always get a second opinion. You will not hurt anyone's feelings and you may just find better options.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Mar 9, 2017 8:33:05 GMT -5
So very sorry to hear
Best to you and sending positive thoughts your way
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2017 10:37:10 GMT -5
I am so sorry. Do your best to deal with everything.
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Post by WindSister on Mar 9, 2017 10:38:36 GMT -5
Sorry to hear it's bad news. Sending good thoughts for whatever it is worth - heed the advise of taking care of yourself, too, along the way.
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Post by cagedtiger on Mar 9, 2017 11:05:42 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear this - I'll definitely be keeping the both of you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2017 18:13:24 GMT -5
obobfla, I am so sorry to hear this. You and she must feel pretty frightened. I can't even begin to imagine. While you are doing the right thing to help her get through this (wherever it ultimately leads) - please don't forget you have friends here. We want to help, if we can.
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 9, 2017 18:14:12 GMT -5
I am sorry for both of you, I hope you will have all the support you need.
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Post by lyn on Mar 10, 2017 1:50:44 GMT -5
I'm so terribly sorry about your wife's diagnosis. You are very kind to offer her so much support - sending positive and healing thoughts out to you both.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 10, 2017 5:47:28 GMT -5
obob I am so sad reading this. My heart goes out to you. From one caregiver to another, please take the time to care for yourself while taking care of your wife. I wish you strength, my friend.
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