Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 21:43:59 GMT -5
We all have the common issue "sexless marriage" but I see many camps here. Those in abusive marriage, those in the friends zone, those dealing with medical/mental health issues, those planning on divorce and those divorced. And yes there are those with agendas. And I am sure I have missed many.
This may be a short lived thread but I just feel sometimes people forget there are so so many reason we are here....... discuss?
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 20, 2017 21:54:11 GMT -5
Mine was the mentally abusive and the friend zone died a long time ago. I am one of the few, stuck in the actual divorce process. It's a crazy state of limbo!
I hope you get a lot of answers!
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 20, 2017 21:56:11 GMT -5
There is also the lurker group, who for whatever reason, do not participate but hopefully reap some benefit from this forum.
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Post by baza on Feb 20, 2017 22:07:19 GMT -5
I guess we all see things through our own prisms.
To me, there are but 3 camps here.
1 - those that are - as of today - staying in their ILIASM shithole - some with the outsourcing option in play.
2 - those that are pro-actively planning on getting out of their ILIASM shithole.
3 - those who have left their ILIASM shithole.
And they are, all 3 of them, valuable components to the group.
Particularly to new members feeling their way through this minefield.
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Post by Chatter Fox on Feb 20, 2017 22:14:48 GMT -5
Hmmm... it'd be interesting to see how many varieties we could pinpoint. I'd say I'm in the "friend zone" category you mentioned. It's a bit strange because I swear her ideal marriage would be a friendship marriage. That's just my gut speaking though, so who knows?
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Post by shamwow on Feb 20, 2017 22:25:32 GMT -5
There is also the lurker group, who for whatever reason, do not participate but hopefully reap some benefit from this forum. I can understand folks lurking in the shadows and reading. It takes a leap of faith to even admit your marriage is a shit hole. Let alone post it to a forum (even anonymously) . |
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Post by lyn on Feb 20, 2017 22:40:56 GMT -5
Mine is definitely in Baz's #2 category; actively planning the exit. However, one caveat that is proving difficult, is the actual disentanglement of the "friendship" as I'm planning to leave relatively shortly.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, we are friends and actually have a lot of fun together. If we were merely coworkers, workout buddies, or whatever, then we would hang out, as friends, forever. But, he hung me out-to-dry so to speak as his wife. Sorry, but not good enough. I want the whole enchilada 😉
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dave
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Post by dave on Feb 21, 2017 0:18:06 GMT -5
ya, friend zone. we did figure out what happened though and i have to agree with her. life happened. fell in love, got too comfy and fell out of love as the result. she wanted to know why i stayed so long being unhappy. i couldn't answer. i wouldn't stick my hand on the burner,but yet this was hurting me and stayed. not sure i'll know the real answer until its all over and somewhat happy again.
she also asked why I quit the sex part too just as she did and i gave her all the same things said here. all getting down to where i just don't feel the same way about her after so long of being roomates and all the feelings and emotions getting to that point,that but thats not what she meant. why did i stop she asks again? when we started out she said i would do ANYTHING to get us laid and that continued after we were married. she thought i was somewhat the dom and only now find out she loved it that way. for some reason i didn't keep that up maybe lazy and expecting her to take care of it and her thinking its her that i didn't want and maybe felt repulsed by her so she backed off too. and since we didn't ever finish our mind reading coarse's, that certainly didn't help. just made matters worse.she\s afraid to ask anything because i'm bitching all the time. i'm bitching all the time because i\m not getting laid and of coarse expecting her to know this. we love each other but like family members now, not like husband and wife. certainly theres more to it all but thats the basics of this sexless shithole. bloody stupid communication breakdown. bloody stupid woman and even more bloody stupid man. no i'm wrong. not the friend zone. bloody stupid zone!
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Post by warmways on Feb 21, 2017 0:43:45 GMT -5
I'm in the friend zone.
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Post by rejected101 on Feb 21, 2017 2:48:10 GMT -5
I'm not sure what camp I'm in to be fair.
I haven't left my wife..
I haven't outsourced (yet!)
I would say we are more than just friends as there is love between us and sex does happen but infrequently.
I definitely wouldn't qualify for a sexless shithole marriage but I easily could if I treated our emotional connection in the same way as what my wife treats our physical connection.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2017 4:13:54 GMT -5
I will allow myself to be rude here. I think I belong to the "plain stupid" camp. She just doesn't get it and is too stupidly stubborn for us to make any progress whenever I tried to.
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 21, 2017 8:43:07 GMT -5
I have left and getting a divorce. It was an abusive marriage. The last 15 years we have been roommates, friends at the best moments but for most of the time it was a tense and often hostile environment. Medical issues were also complicating everything.
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 21, 2017 8:57:20 GMT -5
planning the exit, but hoping to stay connected for the kids/family. no medical issues - but there are 'alternate realities' for each of us.
I hope to be able to be 'friendly from a distance with my future ex'.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 21, 2017 8:57:51 GMT -5
I am Baz's #3. I left. I'm now remarried (happily!). I have no agenda other than reconnecting to update a group of insightful people who really helped me during turbulent times. And if I can offer a glimmer of hope to others, that's good too.
In my SM marriage we had sex twice the first year we were married, then no sex for ten years. Then once during our two year "working it out" phase. It was a roommate situation.
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Post by Dan on Feb 21, 2017 9:09:13 GMT -5
My situation is not squarely any of those posted by the OP because my wife and I are in different zones.
I have sort of "friend-zoned" my wife... but she still loves me dearly and figures we will be married the rest of our lives. To her, the sexlessness thing is just "where the marriage is now", and not a big concern for her. Plus, she feels like she has "tried enough" for the time being.
So she's in the "denial zone", I guess.
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