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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2017 9:46:16 GMT -5
I am relatively new around here. I notice some members are happy to put their pictures up. Aren't you worried your spouse might stumble upon your profile here?
This is a genuine and serious question.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Feb 19, 2017 10:45:18 GMT -5
I am relatively new around here. I notice some members are happy to put their pictures up. Aren't you worried your spouse might stumble upon your profile here? This is a genuine and serious question. Hiya  yep. It worries me hence I don't put mine on. I change it every now and then, sometimes it's me filtered to the max ha ha. A load of us put out our pics for a few hours/a day recently. Some braver people here like wewbwb GeekGoddessshamwowand petrushka are proper troopers and always show their lovely faces xxx
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Post by lakeside4003 on Feb 19, 2017 11:26:17 GMT -5
I do not worry, as my wife knows I've suggested we separate. After years of counseling and decades of being largely in a SM, I let her know that our marriage is broken - and unless she's willing to give some serious attention (seeing a therapist specifically to dig into her avoidance and passive-agression re: sex) then I cannot see a way to being comfortable living together as a married couple anymore.
So, why not show myself?
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 19, 2017 11:45:40 GMT -5
@teervij She stopped trying, I stopped caring. Also, what's the worst that could happen? She wont fuck me? That's new....
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Post by GeekGoddess on Feb 19, 2017 11:58:01 GMT -5
I'm already out of my SM, & I can't remember if I used a real pic before paperwork after moving out - but in my case, there were no custody, visitation, child support or alimony questions to discuss. If you have a deal where slight character assassination could come into play, you probably want to be a bit more careful about staying anonymous. However - the avoidant spouse would have to CARE enough to find this forum or break into your account - & caring was something my Ex definitely didn't do anymore (even before I left, hence the choice to get myself out). Follow your heart on a decision such as this, & you'll probably be alright.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 12:48:19 GMT -5
I am relatively new around here. I notice some members are happy to put their pictures up. Aren't you worried your spouse might stumble upon your profile here? This is a genuine and serious question. Hiya yep. It worries me hence I don't put mine on. I change it every now and then, sometimes it's me filtered to the max ha ha. A load of us put out our pics for a few hours/a day recently. Some braver people here like wewbwb GeekGoddess shamwow and petrushka are proper troopers and always show their lovely faces xxx I won't speak for the others, but "braver" might not be the right term. I am simply tired of the mask I've staple-gunned to my face for 10+ years. Maybe it's part of my healing process.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 12:49:53 GMT -5
@teervij She stopped trying, I stopped caring. Also, what's the worst that could happen? She wont fuck me? That's new.... Damn straight, brother! The only thing I do sometimes worry about is I might say something on the forums in anger that could hurt her. I really don't hate her, and even if I did, trying to be hurtful towards others merely debases myself.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 12:57:17 GMT -5
Actually, the other thing is that four weeks ago, I asked my wife for a divorce (although I did use my pic before that). I did tell her there is a forum I post on today. That was probably for the reason that if she sees me typing all the time she doesn't have to get worried that I'm cheating on her. Of course, that is kind of moot given my first sentence.
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Post by shamwow on Feb 19, 2017 13:03:03 GMT -5
@teervij She stopped trying, I stopped caring. Also, what's the worst that could happen? She wont fuck me? That's new.... You know what wewbwb? I change my profile pic a lot (just what I do). But I've always liked yours. The expression on your face says exactly what you typed above. I love it!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2017 15:15:57 GMT -5
I put my picture up I get Disney copywrite lawyers contacting me to take down the picture of Shrek 😥
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Post by petrushka on Feb 19, 2017 18:43:18 GMT -5
Question: what do I have to loose? I have no problem with friends and family knowing - in fact I have discussed (or tried to discuss but got shut down by people as TMI (are they refusers and put on the mat?)) with them what the state of things is. I had to get feedback because of my wife's extreme p-a behaviour in the past; constantly accusing me of abuse to preemptively shut me down. No more!
Nobody who took up the discussion has rubbished me, denigrated me, given me a hard time.
I learned back in my late teens, in therapy groups, that opening up and not hiding things may be uncomfortable and feel very daring in the beginning, but ... not for long as a rule. Of course, this is hugely dependent on the class of people you normally interact with. I mean 'class' in every sense of the word, here.
So for me: no great act of courage. This is what I do. Inasmuch as my 'poor wife' potentially being hurt by this: stiff cheese! It's her behaviour (even though I am quite willing to concede that it's probably caused by some severe childhood baggage) that made this mess. It is her responsibility in my not so humble opinion to take responsibility and stand up for who she is and what she does.
That is exactly why my first wife and I parted ways: she completely rejected taking responsibility and standing up for herself, spinning a web of lies and false imagery that I could not bear to live with. A social chameleon... and about as much spine as a dead jellyfish.
I don't blame anyone for not wanting their picture up, because of their social environment, their partner or stbx, whatever. I realize it's not a good choice for everybody to "come out of the closet" on this. However: MY attitude is: if she can't stand the heat, then she can just get out of the kitchen. In my world, that's where the buck stops.
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Post by wewbwb on Feb 20, 2017 15:54:46 GMT -5
@teervij She stopped trying, I stopped caring. Also, what's the worst that could happen? She wont fuck me? That's new.... You know what wewbwb? I change my profile pic a lot (just what I do). But I've always liked yours. The expression on your face says exactly what you typed above. I love it! It was easy. I simply captured the arrogant, smug, inner asshole who doesn't give a fuck, that is in the deepest part of my soul. Also, I shaved, so that's a plus.
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 20, 2017 16:36:25 GMT -5
If it was only my spouse who would see it, then I would have no hesitation to put up my pic. It's everyone else on the internet that deters me. We have had a couple of threads here where we put up our pics temporarily so we see each other. That was fun to finally see faces behind the writings.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 20, 2017 16:48:38 GMT -5
I almost did for a second but then I have all kinds of fears of who will see it. It's not that I have so much to "hide" per se, but these topics are pretty deep and taboo especially for a midwest gal in a supervisory position in the social services field. "Who might stumble in" here scares me though I think it's slim people I know would, maybe?? I am OUT of the SM and happily remarried so in most eyes I shouldn't be checking in at all. My husband understands, though, and he supports me because he knows I have this crazy need to write and connect with others on meaningful subjects and I am sorry, sex/love is the most meaningful in my eyes.
On a "living authentic" line of things, I would LOVE to express myself as I would anonymously with my real face showing. I still struggle with that on some levels. The book club I had on Naked Dating was my first REAL step in that - it was like this forum but in person. Talk about nerves, jitters and saying "um... " a lot. Most of my ideas didn't get out correctly but the crowd still clapped. They could tell I was nervous, though. I haven't thrown myself out of my comfort zone since meeting my husband other than starting an outdoor club that small town people don't get the need for. lol So I have been rejected on that idea.
But, ultimately, my fear is someone stumbles in here and sees me that doesn't need to.
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Post by baza on Feb 20, 2017 17:52:57 GMT -5
When I joined the EP group, I picked one of the generic avatars they had available at the time. It was a windmill as I recall. After a while I changed that to a selfie. Used that for probably a year or two. Changed that to a pic of our dog. That is probably still on the old EP site (wherever that may be in cyberspace at the moment) In this group, I opened up with one of those faces available. Changed it to a pic of our backyard, in partic a tree stump that remained after I took to it with a chainsaw after several limbs fell off onto the garden shed during a storm.
I often speculate what people actually look like on here. I have actually met about half a dozen people in the old EP group face to face. And of this group, only two, and only one of them is still an active member. Being Brother Petrushka who was on holiday over here and stayed with us a few days a couple of years back.
Addendum. Have just changed my avatar to a selfie again.
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