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I do not worry, as my wife knows I've suggested we separate. After years of counseling and decades of being largely in a SM, I let her know that our marriage is broken - and unless she's willing to give some serious attention (seeing a therapist specifically to dig into her avoidance and passive-agression re: sex) then I cannot see a way to being comfortable living together as a married couple anymore.

So, why not show myself?

I'm already out of my SM, & I can't remember if I used a real pic before paperwork after moving out - but in my case, there were no custody, visitation, child support or alimony questions to discuss.
If you have a deal where slight character assassination could come into play, you probably want to be a bit more careful about staying anonymous.
However - the avoidant spouse would have to CARE enough to find this forum or break into your account - & caring was something my Ex definitely didn't do anymore (even before I left, hence the choice to get myself out).
Follow your heart on a decision such as this, & you'll probably be alright.

Damn straight, brother!

The only thing I do sometimes worry about is I might say something on the forums in anger that could hurt her.  I really don't hate her, and even if I did, trying to be hurtful towards others merely debases myself.

You know what wewbwb?

I change my profile pic a lot (just what I do).  But I've always liked yours.  The expression on your face says exactly what you typed above.  I love it!

Question: what do I have to loose? I have no problem with friends and family knowing - in fact I have discussed (or tried to discuss but got shut down by people as TMI (are they refusers and put on the mat?)) with them what the state of things is. I had to get feedback because of my wife's
extreme p-a behaviour in the past; constantly accusing me of abuse to preemptively shut me down. No more!

Nobody who took up the discussion has rubbished me, denigrated me, given me a hard time.

I learned back in my late teens, in therapy groups, that opening up and not hiding things may be uncomfortable and feel very daring in the beginning, but ... not for long as a rule.
Of course, this is hugely dependent on the class of people you normally interact with. I mean 'class' in every sense of the word, here.

So for me: no great act of courage. This is what I do.
Inasmuch as my 'poor wife' potentially being hurt by this: stiff cheese! It's her behaviour (even though I am quite willing to concede that it's probably caused by some severe childhood baggage) that made this mess. It is her responsibility in my not so humble opinion to take responsibility and stand up for who she is and what she does.

That is exactly why my first wife and I parted ways: she completely rejected taking responsibility and standing up for herself, spinning a web of lies and false imagery that I could not bear to live with. A social chameleon... and about as much spine as a dead jellyfish.

I don't blame anyone for not wanting their picture up, because of their social environment, their partner or stbx, whatever. I realize it's not
a good choice for everybody to "come out of the closet" on this. However: MY attitude is: if she can't stand the heat, then she can just get out of the kitchen. In my world, that's where the buck stops.

If it was only my spouse who would see it, then I would have no hesitation to put up my pic. It's everyone else on the internet that deters me. We have had a couple of threads here where we put up our pics temporarily so we see each other. That was fun to finally see faces behind the writings.