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Post by WindSister on Feb 14, 2017 12:56:34 GMT -5
Hello!!! I searched for ILIASM at EP so I could check-in but -- it was gone (as you all know). Then I landed at some sorry site called "Similar Worlds" but could tell the heart of it was missing (all of you). An old friend pointed me to here. (thank you) I am just checking in with a huge, gigantic THANK YOU because, truly, the advise I got from you guys was so priceless and very much appreciated. You helped me navigate through some tough, messy times and I learned so much about life, men and, more importantly - MYSELF. I think you would all approve of the direction I went and how I "ended up" - (never done, of course, always learning and growing). It is now Valentine's Day, 2017 and I find myself genuinely happy with life. I have been married for 1 year 4 months to an amazing man who is all I dreamed of those lonely, dark years towards the end of my previous marriage. My husband is full of warmth (figuratively and literally, his hands are so warm), passion, enthusiasm, LIFE, LOVE, affection, and is loyal to the core. He is fiercely protective of us (our relationship) and I love that so much about him. He backs words and promises with action, continuously, every day. We navigate through issues/challenges together and communicate openly and directly and calmly. When I met him I had blocked then deleted all men from my cell that I was involved with (I had some ugly and dysfunctional situations going on that I finally woke up to). I was settling in to just enjoy life - hike, live and not worry about men. So when he texted me (we had talked briefly months before but then lost touch), I was hesitant to answer. But, I did -- and we have been inseparable ever since. He checked off every little thing on my checklist without me telling him what those things on the list were. It was almost magical and I am not even kidding. Effortless - easy. True love. He says the same thing about me. He says with me his wall of anger, helplessness and self-protection just disappeared. Even his adult daughters tell me he is a different man and they thanked me for coming into his life. We chose a town to move to together, buying a house together right after he proposed to me. I love our small town so much - we got married up the street and had our "reception" at the local dive bar that serves ridiculously great food. It was a last minute wedding, but surprisingly a lot of our family showed up to witness and celebrate it with us. They all stood up at the alter with us, gathered around informally and it was just the best day of my life. We wrote our vows together because words and intention matter and we wanted to get it just right. I get to be a grandma even though I never had children of my own. The grands call me "Jama." I have a great relationship with his two adult daughters and their husbands and kids. My husband has two exes who are still very much involved in his kids' lives. One is his ex wife of 17 years (they were divorced 9 years before we met) and the other is a girlfriend he saw off and on for 3 years prior to when we met. She bugs me the most, but I just shut up and smile because his kids love her and it's more important that I have a great relationship with them then worry about who they are friends with. My husband has NOTHING to do with either of his exes other than being polite if we are all in the same space together (weddings, birthdays, etc). He also makes me feel very much like his main squeeze when we are in front of them and I can't lie - I like that. Behind the scenes he calls me "his favorite." He's mine, too. His two exes put on a huge "Facebook Show" but I don't bite and get involved in the "competition." I don't need to. I find great joy in being the silent one. Reality is always better than a facebook show. I don't have to prove anything - his kids and grands love me and I know it. That's all I need!  His ex wife actually "shared" an article about how she didn't "give up on marriage, she survived it" and I had to laugh -- because HE DID TOO. lol Anyway... Facebook - it offers a whole level of weirdness when it comes to exes, doesn't it??? Anyway -- so, most of my growth these days is surrounded around being silent, smiley and graceful when it comes to the extras that came with my husband. Like I said, it's more important to me to have a great relationship with his kids than to be validated or my ego fed, or whatever. I have had insecurities, but I was able to talk openly and honestly with my husband about them and he helped me through them (instead of calling me "crazy" which is what my ex did). I also work on my defensiveness which was brought to my attention here from you guys!! (THANK YOU). He works on not criticizing as much. We actually read the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse quite often. We both have made amazing strides and we have a calm, happy life together. We can talk honestly with each other - we both do the work to be better for each other. That makes all the difference!! His ex wife didn't want to go to counseling right before they divorced (because she had a man on the side) but he did - so he did. He's a blue-collar, simple man with amazing insight to the world and the mind and heart. He's my dream come true!! I suppose I should mention the sex part -- sorry. It's just I don't even think of it like I used to -- it's just part of life. A normal, wonderful part of life. He initiates, I initiate. Ebb/flow - quality. Intimacy in and out of the bedroom is what I wanted in life and I do have it now. It means being vulnerable myself. OMG - to truly let someone in? See your imperfections? Hard stuff. But worth it!!! He always called me his angel. I would correct him and say "I am no angel." He would laugh and say, "I know you aren't perfect, but you are always my angel." Now, I accept it. He sees me as his angel even though I can be moody, jealous, insecure, financially challenged (though willing to change and have changed), etc. He's my dream come true even though he can sometimes be too picky, too much of a perfectionist and cynical. For each other we soften our gazes -- we choose love first. We both say it often, if there is one thing this life has taught us, it's how to love better. We are reaping the reward of that together. Now I will navigate the boards and see who else is here. Take care, and thanks again crew!!! SO MUCH. |
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Post by shamwow on Feb 14, 2017 14:05:44 GMT -5
That is a true story of hope. Just what was needed on Valentines day at ILIASM
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 14, 2017 14:07:05 GMT -5
Thanks for checking in. It is comforting to hear that you are living your dream. I remember all the craziness and crap, some self-inflicted, that you were going through on EP.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 14, 2017 15:31:21 GMT -5
Thanks for checking in. It is comforting to hear that you are living your dream. I remember all the craziness and crap, some self-inflicted, that you were going through on EP. Ha.. definitely self-inflicted. I have no regrets because I ended up okay, but honestly when I look back on some of it, I shudder -- who was that woman? When one is lonely, vulnerable and low on self-confidence the journey can be rough. I am still working on a lot of things. |
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Post by petrushka on Feb 14, 2017 22:12:21 GMT -5
Fantastic to hear that you're doing so well. You *were* one of my friends on EP until you so suddenly
disappeared completely from our event horizon, and I had wondered how you got on.
So pleased for your sake!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2017 23:39:00 GMT -5
This gives me hope! And it brought tears to my eyes. Good for you, grabbing your happy life. ILIASM has been a godsend for me. I hope I'll have a happily ever after like this to share one day.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 15, 2017 10:41:57 GMT -5
Fantastic to hear that you're doing so well. You *were* one of my friends on EP until you so suddenly disappeared completely from our event horizon, and I had wondered how you got on. So pleased for your sake! Thank you. Yes, I disappeared. You guys all "missed" the internal angst I went through when it came to his exes. haha (I landed in a mostly good place with it all). Now we live in the country and choose not to have cable or internet so it took me awhile to look up EP again. I always appreciated your insight. Nice to see your smiling face!! |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 12:20:47 GMT -5
WindSister THANK-YOU ! ! ! I am way behind you but this is very inspiring and encourage. Yes, I know nothing guaranteed but so wonderful to read your post. Really. Blessings and Happy Valentines Day 1 day late.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 15, 2017 13:46:14 GMT -5
WindSister THANK-YOU ! ! ! I am way behind you but this is very inspiring and encourage. Yes, I know nothing guaranteed but so wonderful to read your post. Really. Blessings and Happy Valentines Day 1 day late. Thank you. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction at least? It's quite the journey, but worth it. And Valentine's Day, honestly, was nothing unusual for us - just another Tuesday (I love going home to him any day or any holiday). I don't want to be like I am "bragging" or anything, but it IS possible to have something good with someone again. We agreed not to acknowledge Valentine's day because we spoil each other on our birthdays and we really go all out for our anniversary. Also, when you are in the right relationship, every day is Valentine's day - especially when you live alone (with no kids) like we do. There is no need for "Valentine's Day" for us - that might sound like I am allowing not to be "romanced" but to us it really is just a weird "holiday." So it was a normal Tuesday. We got home the same time, hugged/kissed (the squeezy kind of hug - the "happy to see you" kind of hug), talked about each others days as we changed into comfy clothes (it's winter and windy, we stayed in for the night), cooked a dinner together as we listened to music, we did have wine -- that is not usual for Tuesdays, but that was in honor of "V-Day." Ate dinner together. Then decided to find the Evil cupid episode of Supernatural (okay, also "in honor" of VDay) and watched that together on the couch. Yes, we were intimate before bed but not "because" it's Vday. We just felt like it. No roses. No chocolates. No Facebook proclamations of love for each other. But love, intimacy, friendship and connection - just like any other Tuesday. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 13:52:39 GMT -5
WindSister THANK-YOU ! ! ! I am way behind you but this is very inspiring and encourage. Yes, I know nothing guaranteed but so wonderful to read your post. Really. Blessings and Happy Valentines Day 1 day late. Thank you. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction at least? It's quite the journey, but worth it. And Valentine's Day, honestly, was nothing unusual for us - just another Tuesday (I love going home to him any day or any holiday). I don't want to be like I am "bragging" or anything, but it IS possible to have something good with someone again. We agreed not to acknowledge Valentine's day because we spoil each other on our birthdays and we really go all out for our anniversary. Also, when you are in the right relationship, every day is Valentine's day - especially when you live alone (with no kids) like we do. There is no need for "Valentine's Day" for us - that might sound like I am allowing not to be "romanced" but to us it really is just a weird "holiday." So it was a normal Tuesday. We got home the same time, hugged/kissed (the squeezy kind of hug - the "happy to see you" kind of hug), talked about each others days as we changed into comfy clothes (it's winter and windy, we stayed in for the night), cooked a dinner together as we listened to music, we did have wine -- that is not usual for Tuesdays, but that was in honor of "V-Day." Ate dinner together. Then decided to find the Evil cupid episode of Supernatural (okay, also "in honor" of VDay) and watched that together on the couch. Yes, we were intimate before bed but not "because" it's Vday. We just felt like it. No roses. No chocolates. No Facebook proclamations of love for each other. But love, intimacy, friendship and connection - just like any other Tuesday. Wow wow wow ! ! ! Seriously, you should be the spokes lady for ILIASM - MY gosh I have been on the "Other Thread" and what a ward of suffering folks. It is all good. I have never seen such "Bonding" via cyberspace, but feel right at home. Any how, it can be quite heavy but always very good advice and wisdom and therapeutic and helpful and I have learned so so so much. So back to my point - then I read your post and "WOW" - what a success story and INSPIRING - seriously - like what is on the other side - just act - do not be afraid - get out of the "comfort" zone etc. Very very good. Blessings to your family! |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 15, 2017 15:39:13 GMT -5
Thank you. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction at least? It's quite the journey, but worth it. And Valentine's Day, honestly, was nothing unusual for us - just another Tuesday (I love going home to him any day or any holiday). I don't want to be like I am "bragging" or anything, but it IS possible to have something good with someone again. We agreed not to acknowledge Valentine's day because we spoil each other on our birthdays and we really go all out for our anniversary. Also, when you are in the right relationship, every day is Valentine's day - especially when you live alone (with no kids) like we do. There is no need for "Valentine's Day" for us - that might sound like I am allowing not to be "romanced" but to us it really is just a weird "holiday." So it was a normal Tuesday. We got home the same time, hugged/kissed (the squeezy kind of hug - the "happy to see you" kind of hug), talked about each others days as we changed into comfy clothes (it's winter and windy, we stayed in for the night), cooked a dinner together as we listened to music, we did have wine -- that is not usual for Tuesdays, but that was in honor of "V-Day." Ate dinner together. Then decided to find the Evil cupid episode of Supernatural (okay, also "in honor" of VDay) and watched that together on the couch. Yes, we were intimate before bed but not "because" it's Vday. We just felt like it. No roses. No chocolates. No Facebook proclamations of love for each other. But love, intimacy, friendship and connection - just like any other Tuesday. Wow wow wow ! ! ! Seriously, you should be the spokes lady for ILIASM - MY gosh I have been on the "Other Thread" and what a ward of suffering folks. It is all good. I have never seen such "Bonding" via cyberspace, but feel right at home. Any how, it can be quite heavy but always very good advice and wisdom and therapeutic and helpful and I have learned so so so much. So back to my point - then I read your post and "WOW" - what a success story and INSPIRING - seriously - like what is on the other side - just act - do not be afraid - get out of the "comfort" zone etc. Very very good. Blessings to your family! Embarrassing. I am no spokeswoman - in person I am socially awkward anyway. Plus, my mind is still mostly messy at times. But part of why I wanted to reconnect with ILIASM folks is to kind of remember my journey - where I have come from - how far I HAVE come - and what I still want/need to work on. I never want to forget the journey or the lessons. I want my marriage to continue to thrive - evolve as it needs to as we are together year after year, getting older ourselves. Relationships are fascinating. I often wonder if my husband and I would be that love story that lasts decades upon decades -- 40 years? 50? And STILL happy together? I guess we will never know (too old.. lol). |
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Post by snowman12345 on Feb 16, 2017 18:57:10 GMT -5
WindSister THANK-YOU ! ! ! I am way behind you but this is very inspiring and encourage. Yes, I know nothing guaranteed but so wonderful to read your post. Really. Blessings and Happy Valentines Day 1 day late. Thank you. Sounds like you are moving in a positive direction at least? It's quite the journey, but worth it. And Valentine's Day, honestly, was nothing unusual for us - just another Tuesday (I love going home to him any day or any holiday). I don't want to be like I am "bragging" or anything, but it IS possible to have something good with someone again. We agreed not to acknowledge Valentine's day because we spoil each other on our birthdays and we really go all out for our anniversary. Also, when you are in the right relationship, every day is Valentine's day - especially when you live alone (with no kids) like we do. There is no need for "Valentine's Day" for us - that might sound like I am allowing not to be "romanced" but to us it really is just a weird "holiday." So it was a normal Tuesday. We got home the same time, hugged/kissed (the squeezy kind of hug - the "happy to see you" kind of hug), talked about each others days as we changed into comfy clothes (it's winter and windy, we stayed in for the night), cooked a dinner together as we listened to music, we did have wine -- that is not usual for Tuesdays, but that was in honor of "V-Day." Ate dinner together. Then decided to find the Evil cupid episode of Supernatural (okay, also "in honor" of VDay) and watched that together on the couch. Yes, we were intimate before bed but not "because" it's Vday. We just felt like it. No roses. No chocolates. No Facebook proclamations of love for each other. But love, intimacy, friendship and connection - just like any other Tuesday. Congratulations on making it out of your SM! Please, brag all you want - your story is a much needed balm for most of us. |
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Post by WindSister on Feb 17, 2017 11:27:26 GMT -5
I am just checking in with a huge, gigantic THANK YOU because, truly, the advise I got from you guys was so priceless and very much appreciated. You helped me navigate through some tough, messy times and I learned so much about life, men and, more importantly - MYSELF. I think you would all approve of the direction I went and how I "ended up" - (never done, of course, always learning and growing). It was almost magical and I am not even kidding. Effortless - easy. True love. He says the same thing about me. He says with me his wall of anger, helplessness and self-protection just disappeared. I fondly remember your irregular updates on EP WindSister , the last one from this moniker: awakeforthedancechecksin I highlighted in bold red two words from your story that resonate so well with me. That true love is true, and simple. I am living it now. Maybe I will checkin with some update while my new love story unfolds... Stay around and stay awake :-) Hugs, Fiery Thank you, Fiery - that was your name at EP, too, right? I remember you. I am glad to hear you are in the midst of an unfolding love story. I hope it continues to be a good thing for you and in your life. I do hope you share your journey, too! It's great to be able to talk about the good things of life, too! Effortless Love - to some that may sound idealistically romantic, (unrealistic?) but it is what I experience with my Sexy Lion (I am pretty sure his profile name would be Lion "something" but not sure HE would choose "sexy" - I give that to him and call him that all the time because he has an amazingly beautiful lion tattoo on the upper right side of his chest that he got on his own when he was single right before we met). I get sidetracked with details that might not matter, sorry. He has been my dream man and I do think I have been "awake" to everything - not bending things or warping things to fit what I want - it all just FITS, freely. I remember someone I really liked over at EP (changewilldoyougood.. still around?  ) used to say to LET THINGS HAPPEN. Don't force it, or try to control it. Let them show you who they are. I actually did that with my husband and wow, did that work well! The exciting part is who he showed me he was/is is exactly what I wanted and dreamed of finding in a man. The way he treated me, number 1 - I finally decided I deserved to be treated well, not like a sexual object. Sure, I wanted sex after a sexless marriage (truly sexless - I went 10 years with NO SEX), but I am not a sexual deviant. I want intimacy, love-making, connection. He never asked for nude pictures (which was quite rare back when I dated anyway, I am not judging - to each his or her own, but I regret a lot of that stuff). We did talk about sex in the beginning - not fantasies or wild adventures, but just what we look for, what we want or need - like two grown adults trying to see if we have a connection there. We did. We didn't actually get intimate until 2 months in. Then we learned we REALLY had a connection there and that spurred on our romance even more and faster. The exciting part for me was that he was interested in knowing ME, as human being. He's also always been someone I can trust and count on. It's a little thing, but an example is texting. From the very beginning, whenever I texted him, he hit back a reply. Even if he was busy, he would respond and say, "so glad to hear from you, I am busy, can we talk in an hour" or whatever. I did the same back to him. We never left each other hanging, guessing, wondering. We still text a lot to this day during the week --- every noon hour we connect/check-in. I love his little kissy faces he sends, it lets me know he is thinking of me - even at work. Even when he will see me in a few hours. He still thinks of me and lets me know he loves me. Even after being married for 1.5 years (almost). Anyway, there was no game playing with us. It was just so refreshing. We gave mutual effort to the relationship in the beginning and still do. I drove 4 hours to see him - he drove 4 hours to see me. I took time off work so I could spend a few days with him and vice versa. We both recalled in past relationships we were the ones giving and bending for the others. When he told his sister I was driving down to see him the first time she said, "WHATTTTT? ?? SHE is coming to see YOU?? Keep her!!" lol The very next weekend he drove the four hours to spend ONE HOUR with me. My heart melted and oh, I recall how utterly painful it was saying goodbye so soon after that one hour was up -- so glad we are together every day now. The point is, it's so nice being able to both give and have something given back to you. I could go on and on but I will stop because I do have to work a little today.  I will say this, though, too -- we aren't Perfect. We have our moments - had one last night, in fact. We were both crabby and kind of took it out on each other. It didn't last long, though and it did end with both of us apologizing, forgiving and hugging tightly a long time in the kitchen, swaying in silence as we reconnected. Ultimately, that's what we want -- love/connection -- we try to get back to that each time we get off track. When I talk about the good things, I don't want to make it sound like it's all perfect. It takes true strength to be in a relationship, to know when to submit, when to stand up for yourself, when to forgive, forget or confront. It IS work but it's enjoyable work with the right person. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 14:41:56 GMT -5
Are you available for coaching? ;-)
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2017 13:08:28 GMT -5
Hello!!! I searched for ILIASM at EP so I could check-in but -- it was gone (as you all know). Then I landed at some sorry site called "Similar Worlds" but could tell the heart of it was missing (all of you). An old friend pointed me to here. (thank you) I am just checking in with a huge, gigantic THANK YOU because, truly, the advise I got from you guys was so priceless and very much appreciated. You helped me navigate through some tough, messy times and I learned so much about life, men and, more importantly - MYSELF. I think you would all approve of the direction I went and how I "ended up" - (never done, of course, always learning and growing). It is now Valentine's Day, 2017 and I find myself genuinely happy with life. I have been married for 1 year 4 months to an amazing man who is all I dreamed of those lonely, dark years towards the end of my previous marriage. My husband is full of warmth (figuratively and literally, his hands are so warm), passion, enthusiasm, LIFE, LOVE, affection, and is loyal to the core. He is fiercely protective of us (our relationship) and I love that so much about him. He backs words and promises with action, continuously, every day. We navigate through issues/challenges together and communicate openly and directly and calmly. When I met him I had blocked then deleted all men from my cell that I was involved with (I had some ugly and dysfunctional situations going on that I finally woke up to). I was settling in to just enjoy life - hike, live and not worry about men. So when he texted me (we had talked briefly months before but then lost touch), I was hesitant to answer. But, I did -- and we have been inseparable ever since. He checked off every little thing on my checklist without me telling him what those things on the list were. It was almost magical and I am not even kidding. Effortless - easy. True love. He says the same thing about me. He says with me his wall of anger, helplessness and self-protection just disappeared. Even his adult daughters tell me he is a different man and they thanked me for coming into his life. We chose a town to move to together, buying a house together right after he proposed to me. I love our small town so much - we got married up the street and had our "reception" at the local dive bar that serves ridiculously great food. It was a last minute wedding, but surprisingly a lot of our family showed up to witness and celebrate it with us. They all stood up at the alter with us, gathered around informally and it was just the best day of my life. We wrote our vows together because words and intention matter and we wanted to get it just right. I get to be a grandma even though I never had children of my own. The grands call me "Jama." I have a great relationship with his two adult daughters and their husbands and kids. My husband has two exes who are still very much involved in his kids' lives. One is his ex wife of 17 years (they were divorced 9 years before we met) and the other is a girlfriend he saw off and on for 3 years prior to when we met. She bugs me the most, but I just shut up and smile because his kids love her and it's more important that I have a great relationship with them then worry about who they are friends with. My husband has NOTHING to do with either of his exes other than being polite if we are all in the same space together (weddings, birthdays, etc). He also makes me feel very much like his main squeeze when we are in front of them and I can't lie - I like that. Behind the scenes he calls me "his favorite." He's mine, too. His two exes put on a huge "Facebook Show" but I don't bite and get involved in the "competition." I don't need to. I find great joy in being the silent one. Reality is always better than a facebook show. I don't have to prove anything - his kids and grands love me and I know it. That's all I need! His ex wife actually "shared" an article about how she didn't "give up on marriage, she survived it" and I had to laugh -- because HE DID TOO. lol Anyway... Facebook - it offers a whole level of weirdness when it comes to exes, doesn't it??? Anyway -- so, most of my growth these days is surrounded around being silent, smiley and graceful when it comes to the extras that came with my husband. Like I said, it's more important to me to have a great relationship with his kids than to be validated or my ego fed, or whatever. I have had insecurities, but I was able to talk openly and honestly with my husband about them and he helped me through them (instead of calling me "crazy" which is what my ex did). I also work on my defensiveness which was brought to my attention here from you guys!! (THANK YOU). He works on not criticizing as much. We actually read the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse quite often. We both have made amazing strides and we have a calm, happy life together. We can talk honestly with each other - we both do the work to be better for each other. That makes all the difference!! His ex wife didn't want to go to counseling right before they divorced (because she had a man on the side) but he did - so he did. He's a blue-collar, simple man with amazing insight to the world and the mind and heart. He's my dream come true!! I suppose I should mention the sex part -- sorry. It's just I don't even think of it like I used to -- it's just part of life. A normal, wonderful part of life. He initiates, I initiate. Ebb/flow - quality. Intimacy in and out of the bedroom is what I wanted in life and I do have it now. It means being vulnerable myself. OMG - to truly let someone in? See your imperfections? Hard stuff. But worth it!!! He always called me his angel. I would correct him and say "I am no angel." He would laugh and say, "I know you aren't perfect, but you are always my angel." Now, I accept it. He sees me as his angel even though I can be moody, jealous, insecure, financially challenged (though willing to change and have changed), etc. He's my dream come true even though he can sometimes be too picky, too much of a perfectionist and cynical. For each other we soften our gazes -- we choose love first. We both say it often, if there is one thing this life has taught us, it's how to love better. We are reaping the reward of that together. Now I will navigate the boards and see who else is here. Take care, and thanks again crew!!! SO MUCH. Awake, I cannot recall if I remember you from EP. Wow this speaks so much to me. I hope I find something like this. He is fiercely protective of us (our relationship): I've discussed this with friends of mine. You can't let even the smallest piece of lint get between you. It grows. Relationships are the most important things. And this is the most important relationship. They need and deserve protection. I'm looking forward to that. If I get a chance. He checked off every little thing on my checklist without me telling him: Funny how that works isn't it? Effortless - easy: It doesn't have to be hard does it? If you keep the lint away, the filth cannot accumulate. He helped me through them (instead of calling me "crazy" which is what my ex did): He Builds You. He Benefits from your strength. And He KNOWS IT! He says with me his wall of anger, helplessness and self-protection just disappeared: Gosh, the ability to let all that crap go and just be held. Just be vulnerable without any fear that you'll get dropped on your head. Growth!!: I'm looking forward to it! He always called me his angel. : You're unreal to him. He couldn't fully comprehend your existence. I'm sure he had to see others see you to be sure you weren't just a pleasant figment of his imagination. We actually read the Four Horsemen of the Marriage Apocalypse quite often. : I've been taught some of that one and I've read parts of it. I seem to recall one of the points is Contempt. Why would someone have contempt for their spouse? I've tried to deal with that one. Thanks for sharing this. It's hopeful. I've stayed away from this board most of the past year. So much bitterness and ........ Other stuff. I needed to focus. I still need to focus. |
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His ex wife actually "shared" an article about how she didn't "give up on marriage, she survived it" and I had to laugh -- because HE DID TOO. lol Anyway... Facebook - it offers a whole level of weirdness when it comes to exes, doesn't it??? 
) used to say to LET THINGS HAPPEN. Don't force it, or try to control it. Let them show you who they are. 
I will say this, though, too -- we aren't Perfect. We have our moments - had one last night, in fact. We were both crabby and kind of took it out on each other. It didn't last long, though and it did end with both of us apologizing, forgiving and hugging tightly a long time in the kitchen, swaying in silence as we reconnected. Ultimately, that's what we want -- love/connection -- we try to get back to that each time we get off track. When I talk about the good things, I don't want to make it sound like it's all perfect. It takes true strength to be in a relationship, to know when to submit, when to stand up for yourself, when to forgive, forget or confront. It IS work but it's enjoyable work with the right person. 