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Post by Isabellas39 on Feb 11, 2017 20:31:13 GMT -5
I am honestly typing this at a very bad time because today I feel like a raging lunatic. Please forgive me if I don't respond to all comments, sometimes just reading them is enough to help me get back on track. I am so very frustrated right now, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is around the corner and that pisses me off a bit? Maybe it's because I would like to actually have a partner I can share a few romantic moments with ? Heck, I hope this is the right section for this topic. I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? I have such a hard time figuring out outsourcing. I have done it before, but trust was so hard and it still is. How do you overcome that ? How long do you talk to someone before meeting ? Do you then wait a few months before intimacy ? I just want to have a general idea about what is expected . Bball, how do I get some of your confidence ? Thanks all in advance  |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 11, 2017 20:45:12 GMT -5
In this instance, my advice would be to walk away.... Correction...run! As a counter refuser myself( those who recognise this scenario will understand) , there is no way (IMO) that I can see her getting into this intimate( yes you're right it IS intimate) situation.
Trust your instincts. If you think you see a red flag, pay attention.
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Post by baza on Feb 11, 2017 21:15:42 GMT -5
Perhaps you need to really examine what you are seeking Sister Isabellas39.
Are you just after a fuck (ie FWB) ?
Are you actually looking for a new primary relationship (ie a life partner) ?
Are you looking for a bit of fun that might possibly develop into a new primary relationship (ie a possible life partner) ?
See, if you are just after a fuck, this Pastor who twangs off 3 times a week to porn seems like as good a candidate as any, as long as he is good enough in bed for you. For that matter, he could be a closet satanist and it wouldn't matter. As long as he can deliver a high quality rogering to you, he meets the criteria to play a role as a FWB.
If however you are looking for a life partner, then his proclivity for solo sex 3 times a week sends warning klaxons off everywhere that he would be a less than ideal life partner.
Likewise it would make him totally unsuitable for the "bit of fun that might lead somewhere" scenario. Where that would lead - I think - is straight into the ditch. This bullshit about his co-showering but refusive missus lacks any credibility at all. Chances are that as well as a twang off artist, he is also a liar.
Feeling for you Sister Isabellas, this dating caper is a minefield - and a subject I have no recent experience at (and a further disclaimer is that I was rotten at dating back in the day anyway).
But essentially, I think that you need to define what you are looking for.
Many people are appropriate to fuck, if all you want is a fuck. The Pastor for example.
But if you are looking for a candidate with a view to a primary relationship, then the Pastor and his ilk effectively rule themselves out.
And, of course there remains the inconvenient matter of ending the existing dysfunctional deal one is in before getting too deep into a new deal.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 11, 2017 21:16:05 GMT -5
Pastor who watches porn three times a week? Some big issues there!
I find outsourcing hard. One, I don't like to lie, yet outsourcing requires deception. Even if I lie to my wife, I don't like lying to any lover. I guess I would have more luck if I never mentioned that I was married, but I like to be upfront about it. Plus, it is smart. I don't want a lover calling me and wondering who that woman (my wife) is in the background or my wife wondering who called.
What has worked best for me is taking my time. I get to know my lover well through chatting and messages. My lovers have been my friends, and we usually have more in common than wanting to bang each other. We share songs, we talk about kids, and we develop our own inside jokes. When we meet, we've already developed the trust we need.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2017 21:39:54 GMT -5
I am honestly typing this at a very bad time because today I feel like a raging lunatic. Please forgive me if I don't respond to all comments, sometimes just reading them is enough to help me get back on track. I am so very frustrated right now, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is around the corner and that pisses me off a bit? Maybe it's because I would like to actually have a partner I can share a few romantic moments with ? Heck, I hope this is the right section for this topic. I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? I have such a hard time figuring out outsourcing. I have done it before, but trust was so hard and it still is. How do you overcome that ? How long do you talk to someone before meeting ? Do you then wait a few months before intimacy ? I just want to have a general idea about what is expected . Bball, how do I get some of your confidence ? Thanks all in advance Your "pastor" sounds weird and I wouldn't suggest having anything to do with him. As far as outsourcing is concerned my experience is limited to engaging online. I have never met anyone offline. I am tempted to but I think the order of magnitude of the complication goes up for which I do not have any appetite at the moment. I have had some very good online experiences. In many instances, the conversations have taken their own sweet time (weeks-months) to drift towards really intimate subjects before graduating to full blown role play usually culminating in skype sex. Sometimes these sessions have lasted hours and I have found them satisfying although nothing quite like the real thing. I have also taken to writing short stories where I am able to play with my need for subtlety and mind games. Hope this helps. |
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 12, 2017 0:53:00 GMT -5
Isabellas39... lots of inconsistencies / conflicting behavior in his story = bad news. Cut this one loose. If someone is being true to their character, their actions will be consistent. So, an important check is to sniff out if their behavior with others (say, waiters, or a spouse/ex) is the same way they treat you - if not, beware the future. Similarly, if the facts don't add up. This takes time (and a "trust but verify" kind of suspicious eye). And it takes interacting with someone in a setting where they can't filter what you do/don't see for yourself. Purely online, and even phone calls, will not get you this unfiltered view.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 12, 2017 1:03:09 GMT -5
I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? And In this instance, my advice would be to walk away.... Correction...run! As a counter refuser myself( those who recognise this scenario will understand) , there is no way (IMO) that I can see her getting into this intimate( yes you're right it IS intimate) situation. Trust your instincts. If you think you see a red flag, pay attention. I know each relationship is unique in its own way and I can only supply anecdotal tidbits from my experience. But an SM can have a range of intimacy issues. My W and I were in the hot tub a few minutes ago, we were naked. We are naked around each other every day and have been snice day one. Being comfortable in our skin and with our bodies does not translate to sexual desire, at least for her. Those low libido partners who hide their bodies from their partner have other mental issues. Of course, being naked and sexually playful is ideal. |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 12, 2017 4:49:06 GMT -5
I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? And In this instance, my advice would be to walk away.... Correction...run! As a counter refuser myself( those who recognise this scenario will understand) , there is no way (IMO) that I can see her getting into this intimate( yes you're right it IS intimate) situation. Trust your instincts. If you think you see a red flag, pay attention. I know each relationship is unique in its own way and I can only supply anecdotal tidbits from my experience. But an SM can have a range of intimacy issues. My W and I were in the hot tub a few minutes ago, we were naked. We are naked around each other every day and have been snice day one. Being comfortable in our skin and with our bodies does not translate to sexual desire, at least for her. Those low libido partners who hide their bodies from their partner have other mental issues. Of course, being naked and sexually playful is ideal. It's not so much the nakedness ie hot tub, walking around, it's the shower situation I am incredulous of. Why would anyone shower together unless it was sexual? Perhaps it's just my inverted naivety, but unless you have a huge shower with 2 shower heads I fail to see the point of both being in there together. Who follows who in and who soaps who all over? If you don't then why not wait for the shower to become free. It's the logistics that I can't get my head round. For me sharing a shower has ALWAYS been a sexual situation, or at the very least a precursor to one. For me the shower indicates an intimacy that a hot tub( fun as that might be Jim 😀) doesn't. Maybe it's just me though. 🤔 |
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Post by tamara68 on Feb 12, 2017 7:09:02 GMT -5
I have outsourced with several men. My experience is that if you think something is a bit weird, you are right. And probably he is more weird than you think. Best to avoid.
Also those who brag the most have the least reason for bragging. Best to avoid as well.
You will probably notice when someone shows his true self. That is the one to go for.
Btw, I have been chatting for a long time with a former pastor who lives on the other side of the globe. He watches porn every day and writes literotica. (Sermon writing skills came in handy)
It was fun with him for some time until he became too demanding and he became jealous of my real life FWB. It was a good exercise to break up with someone who is manipulating. Even online that can be difficult, so best to do it as soon as it is clear that someone is not right for you.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 12, 2017 7:47:17 GMT -5
It's not so much the nakedness ie hot tub, walking around, it's the shower situation I am incredulous of. Why would anyone shower together unless it was sexual? Perhaps it's just my inverted naivety, but unless you have a huge shower with 2 shower heads I fail to see the point of both being in there together. Who follows who in and who soaps who all over? If you don't then why not wait for the shower to become free. It's the logistics that I can't get my head round. For me sharing a shower has ALWAYS been a sexual situation, or at the very least a precursor to one. For me the shower indicates an intimacy that a hot tub( fun as that might be Jim 😀) doesn't. Maybe it's just me though. 🤔 OK, given your explanation I agree with you. The shared shower is definitely a sexual activity or should be. A short story I wrote back on EP. Shower story |
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Post by seabr33z3 on Feb 12, 2017 15:17:55 GMT -5
It's not so much the nakedness ie hot tub, walking around, it's the shower situation I am incredulous of. Why would anyone shower together unless it was sexual? Perhaps it's just my inverted naivety, but unless you have a huge shower with 2 shower heads I fail to see the point of both being in there together. Who follows who in and who soaps who all over? If you don't then why not wait for the shower to become free. It's the logistics that I can't get my head round. For me sharing a shower has ALWAYS been a sexual situation, or at the very least a precursor to one. For me the shower indicates an intimacy that a hot tub( fun as that might be Jim 😀) doesn't. Maybe it's just me though. 🤔 OK, given your explanation I agree with you. The shared shower is definitely a sexual activity or should be. A short story I wrote back on EP. Shower storyahem *fans Self*. Was right in there with you.... |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Feb 12, 2017 15:30:37 GMT -5
Perhaps you need to really examine what you are seeking Sister Isabellas39. Are you just after a fuck (ie FWB) ? Are you actually looking for a new primary relationship (ie a life partner) ? Are you looking for a bit of fun that might possibly develop into a new primary relationship (ie a possible life partner) ? See, if you are just after a fuck, this Pastor who twangs off 3 times a week to porn seems like as good a candidate as any, as long as he is good enough in bed for you. For that matter, he could be a closet satanist and it wouldn't matter. As long as he can deliver a high quality rogering to you, he meets the criteria to play a role as a FWB. If however you are looking for a life partner, then his proclivity for solo sex 3 times a week sends warning klaxons off everywhere that he would be a less than ideal life partner. Likewise it would make him totally unsuitable for the "bit of fun that might lead somewhere" scenario. Where that would lead - I think - is straight into the ditch. This bullshit about his co-showering but refusive missus lacks any credibility at all. Chances are that as well as a twang off artist, he is also a liar. Feeling for you Sister Isabellas, this dating caper is a minefield - and a subject I have no recent experience at (and a further disclaimer is that I was rotten at dating back in the day anyway). But essentially, I think that you need to define what you are looking for. Many people are appropriate to fuck, if all you want is a fuck. The Pastor for example. But if you are looking for a candidate with a view to a primary relationship, then the Pastor and his ilk effectively rule themselves out. And, of course there remains the inconvenient matter of ending the existing dysfunctional deal one is in before getting too deep into a new deal. I want someone that I can be friends with, and have intimacy . I am not expecting it to turn into a primary relationship, but I definitely want more than just sex. |
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Post by Isabellas39 on Feb 12, 2017 15:35:53 GMT -5
And I know each relationship is unique in its own way and I can only supply anecdotal tidbits from my experience. But an SM can have a range of intimacy issues. My W and I were in the hot tub a few minutes ago, we were naked. We are naked around each other every day and have been snice day one. Being comfortable in our skin and with our bodies does not translate to sexual desire, at least for her. Those low libido partners who hide their bodies from their partner have other mental issues. Of course, being naked and sexually playful is ideal. It's not so much the nakedness ie hot tub, walking around, it's the shower situation I am incredulous of. Why would anyone shower together unless it was sexual? Perhaps it's just my inverted naivety, but unless you have a huge shower with 2 shower heads I fail to see the point of both being in there together. Who follows who in and who soaps who all over? If you don't then why not wait for the shower to become free. It's the logistics that I can't get my head round. For me sharing a shower has ALWAYS been a sexual situation, or at the very least a precursor to one. For me the shower indicates an intimacy that a hot tub( fun as that might be Jim 😀) doesn't. Maybe it's just me though. 🤔 Jim, I would be suspicious about the hot tub too because I see it as intimate. I guess I always assumed that refusers would avoid such situations. Seabreeze, those were my thoughts also . He says they did that from the start of their relationship,so it's something that's routine. |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 12, 2017 16:42:58 GMT -5
I am honestly typing this at a very bad time because today I feel like a raging lunatic. Please forgive me if I don't respond to all comments, sometimes just reading them is enough to help me get back on track. I am so very frustrated right now, and I honestly don't know why. Maybe it's because Valentine's Day is around the corner and that pisses me off a bit? Maybe it's because I would like to actually have a partner I can share a few romantic moments with ? Heck, I hope this is the right section for this topic. I wanted to know from those that are outsourcing, or dating what are some red flags you look for? Ladies, would you outsource with a pastor who confessed to masturbating and watching porn three times a week ( I didn't know he was a pastor when we first started chatting lol) ? Of course he says his wife rejects his advances most times, and then says that they shower almost every day together. Isn't that intimate ? Why is it that I have a hard time believing a refuser would get naked in the shower with her spouse ? I have such a hard time figuring out outsourcing. I have done it before, but trust was so hard and it still is. How do you overcome that ? How long do you talk to someone before meeting ? Do you then wait a few months before intimacy ? I just want to have a general idea about what is expected . Bball, how do I get some of your confidence ? Thanks all in advance Isabella, I'm a little late seeing your post and I understand how you are a little emotional around Valentine's Day. It's one day and it will pass but I get it. As far as the pastor, I agree with baza if all you want is just some sex then he can get a tryout but if he doesn't rock your world then once is enough. As far as the pastor viewing porn, that doesn't bother me as much as the take a shower everyday together - that's weird!! Something with this makes him seem like he's lying so that would make me question fucking him. However, Are you attracted to him? Do YOU want to fuck him? Are you curious about his skills? If so go for it! Try him out! I don't see sex as such a sacred thing anymore so if I want to have sex with someone then I do. To answer your questions: I have such a hard time figuring out outsourcing. I have done it before, but trust was so hard and it still is. How do you overcome that ? At first I don't trust anyone. If I met a man I made them give me their full name and a picture of their car tag, or if I met them in public I would get there early and once they got out of the car I texted their tag to someone I know that's a cop and knew I was outsourcing. The good news most people aren't crazy killers. However different people outsource for different reasons. One man I had sex with one time while I was married, he had sex with his wife 2 or 3 times a month but very vanilla. So I had sex with him the one time and found him to be very vanilla. How long do you talk to someone before meeting ? I want to meet them within a week or two. Why keep talking and chatting if it's not going to go anywhere. I meet somewhere public for a cup of coffee. If I'm attracted to them then I'll kiss them. With my FWB, we made out in his car and I came 4 times. Do you then wait a few months before intimacy ? For outsourcing, a FWB - absolutely not. The purpose of the relationship is sex. I just want to have a general idea about what is expected . Bball, how do I get some of your confidence ? Honey you have no reason NOT to be confident. You are so beautiful! I could remember my FWB when I first met him telling me to wear whatever made me feel sexy. I think that pov is a good one. Wear what you want for YOU! Do things that you want for YOU! As far as my looks, my body, etc. - I have the attitude take it or leave it. Some men are attracted to a full figured woman and some men aren't. It's no sweat off my back if a man isn't attracted to me, I prefer honesty and rejection up front from the start so I don't waste any more of my time on the wrong man. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I also see my self worth and I know what I have to offer a future relationship, so I won't settle. With dating - lots of losers out there, at least on the dating apps. Outsourcing - Just a fun thing and it helps with the self confidence. Part of the self confidence is mind over matter. Look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as beautiful and not give a crap what anyone else thinks. If you want sex then have it! It might be great, it might suck, but if you don't try you will never know. |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 12, 2017 16:53:38 GMT -5
Perhaps you need to really examine what you are seeking Sister Isabellas39. Are you just after a fuck (ie FWB) ? Are you actually looking for a new primary relationship (ie a life partner) ? Are you looking for a bit of fun that might possibly develop into a new primary relationship (ie a possible life partner) ? See, if you are just after a fuck, this Pastor who twangs off 3 times a week to porn seems like as good a candidate as any, as long as he is good enough in bed for you. For that matter, he could be a closet satanist and it wouldn't matter. As long as he can deliver a high quality rogering to you, he meets the criteria to play a role as a FWB. If however you are looking for a life partner, then his proclivity for solo sex 3 times a week sends warning klaxons off everywhere that he would be a less than ideal life partner. Likewise it would make him totally unsuitable for the "bit of fun that might lead somewhere" scenario. Where that would lead - I think - is straight into the ditch. This bullshit about his co-showering but refusive missus lacks any credibility at all. Chances are that as well as a twang off artist, he is also a liar. Feeling for you Sister Isabellas, this dating caper is a minefield - and a subject I have no recent experience at (and a further disclaimer is that I was rotten at dating back in the day anyway). But essentially, I think that you need to define what you are looking for. Many people are appropriate to fuck, if all you want is a fuck. The Pastor for example. But if you are looking for a candidate with a view to a primary relationship, then the Pastor and his ilk effectively rule themselves out. And, of course there remains the inconvenient matter of ending the existing dysfunctional deal one is in before getting too deep into a new deal. I want someone that I can be friends with, and have intimacy . I am not expecting it to turn into a primary relationship, but I definitely want more than just sex. I have found that the friend part is tough to come by with outsourcing. I do consider the man that was my AP a friend now but we met in 2014 so I think time has just contributed to the evolution of the friendship, however we do not do things together like go to a movie or to a restaurant, it's not the purpose. Most men just want to get you into a bed. On the dating apps, single men will say that they want to take you out and do things with you but they don't, the majority just want sex, they really are idiots because good pussy isn't free. Really you think I'll sleep with you without you taking me out. So I ask a lot of questions and they lie. |
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