LOVE? How important? Still there?

Your post seems to be asking about 2 things. The sex/intimacy following a heated argument and can or is love still in the mix when divorce is lurking about?
The intimacy following an emotional or last grasp at making it work is often of the reset variety. Not always but mostly. Following a # of discussions about me having a FWB my then W said she could not abide me going outside the marriage for sex. I said I could not continue in the marriage if there was no intimacy. She surprised me saying she wanted to restart our being intimate and demonstrating affection for each other. Other attempts at restarts had generally lasted about 10 days to 2 weeks. I expected this would be the case again. But instead she really put a good deal of effort into it and we were sexually and emotionally close for roughly 3 months. There was a marked increase in kissing, hugging and other forms of intimacy. Then one day the intimacy just stopped again as if a switch had been flipped. The general history of restarting sex/intimacy has been that it needs to last for a period of probably 4 to 6 months before one can really be optimistic that things have changed and there is reason for believing the marriage has turned a corner and with continued work the 2 of you can make a go of it. If it's just reset sex then it probably won't last more than 3 months.
Then you asked about the love component. Several replies have stated that even though their marriage ended they continued to love their spouse. The same holds true for me. I still love and care deeply about my X. But I am not "in love" with her. It's more than platonic yet less than Eros. Some have described it more as familial in nature, For me there is an added element of sex as my X and I on rare occasion have sex and engage in other erotic behavior. But those feeling did not manifest themselves when I decided to end it. I simply could not share my daily live with her continuously pushing me away. It was simply too stressful to constantly be in her presence desiring to be close and intimate and to be denied that.
So, can love be rekindled? Of coarse. Does or did it impact the decision making process? Yes for a long time but in the end, no. And lastly is your behavior being impacted and influenced by the dynamics of a sexually dysfunctional relationship? Definitely, just as it would be if the sexual dynamics were quite normal between you. And where do you stand with regard to still being "in love" or have you fallen "out of love"? That my friend is a question only you can answer. Good luck with it.

More like a ballad. As performed by Sex Fog (and yes caged tiger, nudity is still mandatory.

this, for me, is much closer to my reality. I know I will always have deep feelings, a desire to protect and care for her forever...just not as a roommate.

The simple truth is that intimacy (and sensual sex) have such incredible power and passion to enable seeing how big a difference there is from deeply caring for a long-time partner --  and feeling 'warmly detached' in equally powerful ways... 

For me your question dials back to a trust issue. Personally I would have a difficult time having sex, with some one who has demeaned, insulted, avoided, manipulated, controlled, denied, refused, my choices. Choices covers your point of view, your morals, principles, decisions, choice of words, actions and behaviors. How can any one have self respect when constantly having your choices being rejected, and questioned. That leads to zero trust!

When you have intimacy and sex with someone you are sharing an entire part of yourself, physical, emotional, and spiritual. That takes trust. You are letting your guard down and strong emotions of wanting to disclose other emotions,secrets and fears naturally follow, (speaking for my self, and remembering several articles) however there are people who give nothing of themselves, the wall remains, and it is just an act, that will only last for a short period of time.

When you are done having sex, do you feel the next morning, "wow I can share anything about myself with her, and she will accept me for who I am, and support me?" or is it more" where did that come from? I don't trust it? What else will happen next? was I just played? Why do I still not trust her for other areas of our relationship? How long will that take? Has any of that changed? Why am I watching my back the whole time?

Your scene of self respect, and trust was stolen, and diminished, a long time ago.
Just my 2 cents.

Sorry nancy meant to reply to you. You'll have to look up one for my haiku version

I saw this when I was shopping yesterday Shammers and thought of you

OK, this makes me feel better.

I've been feeling confused and rather ashamed because I still love Mr. Kat.

I even still wish we had been able to turn things around.

Life since getting out has not been that great, in terms of my love life. I won't say it's been bad, because it hasn't: I now live in a place I like better and have a better job. I've even done some dating, so I guess that tells me I'm not as undesirable as I thought I was.

So really, my life is pretty good. That's why I try not to complain, try not to talk about this very much - but right here and now, I'll say it. I still feel bad that Mr. Kat and I couldn't make things work. I often think I will never again have a love life as good as mine was, when Mr. Kat and I were doing well together.