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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 14:47:28 GMT -5
In less than an hour, I meet with my lawyer to decide what step I want to take next. Part of me feels like I need to at least try to counter-offer one more time and see if we can settle. The thing is - I'm not sure I'm willing to leave all my concessions on the table. There are three in particular that my lawyer was very unhappy about, and since the whole reason I made those concessions was to move things along quickly, I'm not sure I want to still make them since my STBX has managed to drag this whole thing out long enough that my retainer is gone and I'm living on the edge of financial disaster. My instinct is to pull all offers and start over, going for the absolute most typical, garden variety settlement a court would normally order. I made so many non-standard concessions trying to be cooperative and then their last letter states that she "has not seen any compromises" on my part. (Here is one of those times I get sucked back into kindergarten and want to point and yell, "That's a lie!") Since she doesn't see any compromises, maybe I should go ahead and pull them - perhaps that would make them more visible?
At this point, I just don't trust anything he or his attorney say and I think I would feel safer in front of a judge. I know I've done the right things and I can prove it - everything is in writing. I also know that litigation isn't cheap and that scares me a little. Okay, a lot, it scares me a lot.
I'm down to 45 minutes here and I still don't know what I want to do. I can ask my lawyer for her input, but it's still ultimately up to me. At least I can count on her to be frank about my options.
Wish me luck.
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Nervous
Apr 25, 2016 15:17:46 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 15:17:46 GMT -5
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Nervous
Apr 25, 2016 15:36:27 GMT -5
Post by greatcoastal on Apr 25, 2016 15:36:27 GMT -5
Wishing you all the best! Stay strong, stay composed. My gut instinct, is for you to follow yours! Maybe even read to your attorney what you wrote to us. You have been to kind, let the lawyer do her work, and watch her grin!
I will ask you tonight how it went!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 16:04:28 GMT -5
Don't know if this is too late but your instinct sounds spot on to me. I would go with exactly what a 'normal' settlement would be and walk away. They have no interest in expediting this process and any concessions you make now are more likely to hurt you than make any positive difference.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 16:24:11 GMT -5
*Update*
Well, I did it. I had my attorney withdraw all previous offers. We are currently preparing for the June 2nd court date where the judge will set temporary support orders and (hopefully) attorney's fees. Then we start preparing a new global settlement that is as typical as we can make it. I was crystal clear that I have no interest in pushing for more than is fair, that I will not play the sorts of games they have been playing. My attorney thinks with the help of a mediator, we can accomplish a global settlement without going to trial. I'm not so sure based on how difficult they've been so far, but at least I have a little hope trial can be avoided. One piece of good news is that the support will be retroactive to the beginning of April, so I'll be able to pay off any credit card debt I accrue during these last several weeks before my court date. That was a huge relief to me. Now I can focus on looking ahead to the end of my semester when I can start looking for a full time job.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 25, 2016 17:18:09 GMT -5
Good for you! This is good news!
Your STBX does not deserve one concession.
You should get what you are entitled to.
I'm happy for you!
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 17:34:23 GMT -5
That's great, well done. There is nothing you can do to control him, but at some point hopefully they will realise they are spending lots of money and not getting anywhere. At least now you can get your head out of all the mind games and try and get a little distance on it.
p.s. I like the new pic!
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Post by TMD on Apr 25, 2016 20:01:47 GMT -5
Sounds like a good meeting with your lawyer. Hers to hoping your STBX starts playing nice and drops the drama. AND agrees to mediation.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2016 20:05:58 GMT -5
Good for you! This is good news! Your STBX does not deserve one concession. The thing is he could have had so many concessions if he had signed the last offer, or the one before that. But every time I thought we were in agreement, he added something. He got greedy and just wouldn't be reasonable. I finally realized it was never going to be enough - there would always be one more thing. He had to push me pretty far, but I finally hit my limit. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 25, 2016 20:07:04 GMT -5
*Update* Well, I did it. I had my attorney withdraw all previous offers. GOOD FOR YOU!!! Your husband is playing strategy. He knows your money is tight; he's trying to outlast you and create stress to make you cave. Your concessions so far, in an attempt to get it done, unfortunately just signaled that you were being soft, so he's trying to take advantage of you. The only good reaction to that behavior is "Fuck you. Pay me!" Call the bluff, take the hard line, and don't waver. He knows what you're entitled to if you go to court; he's trying to make you accept a lot less. In addition to giving him the finger, you *should* counter. But with a hard line response that retracts all concessions, and that you will demand he pay your legal fees if it goes to court. I.e., raise the stakes for him. |
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Post by unmatched on Apr 25, 2016 20:07:12 GMT -5
Sounds like a good meeting with your lawyer. Hers to hoping your STBX starts playing nice and drops the drama. AND agrees to mediation. ...or accidentally stabs his lawyer through the heart with his pen. (If he has one. Heart that is, I am sure he has lots of pens.) |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 25, 2016 20:08:32 GMT -5
Exactly you tried to play nice and went above and beyond!
You gave a hand he tried to take the arm now give him the finger! Tell him to fuck off and let the courts decide!
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Post by JMX on Apr 25, 2016 20:16:30 GMT -5
Yay MR! So glad you pulled those previous concessions. He deserved every bit of it and you were just being fair.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 25, 2016 21:01:32 GMT -5
The line originated in Goodfellas, but I like this guy's delivery better than the movie clip...
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Nervous
Apr 25, 2016 22:53:01 GMT -5
TMD likes this
Post by Dan on Apr 25, 2016 22:53:01 GMT -5
Sounds like you did the right thing!
As we say in Australia: "Good on you!"
(Wait... I'm not from Australia...)
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