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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 28, 2017 18:39:42 GMT -5
I do know that I am one of the first to say, "I am sorry, you were right, I'll try to do better."[/quote]
For some strange reason this reminds me of a movie conversation.
There are 2 kinds of people in this world, which kind are you? When your walking and bump into someone are you the one who says sorry or hey watch it?
I think the main character was supposed to think about who they wanted to be and own it. Maybe you need to tell your W. To quit being a snarky bitch and share her knowledge or she can cut all the pinaples herself.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 28, 2017 20:13:58 GMT -5
To sweetplumeria,
Clint Eastwood: "there are two kind of people in this world, my friend. Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig."
I was raised and trained to say I am sorry, you know turn the other cheek, and all that! Later in life,(and the present) if I see someone walking on the wrong side or not looking, I come to a stop, stand my ground,brace myself, and force them to go around or bumb into me. they say "sorry", I say nothing or "that's okay". Even better is when one of my kids are with me, I look at them and say, "that person should watch were there going."
I am telling my STBX to quit being a snarky bitch by divorcing her and moving on with a happier life ,without her, and offering my teens an alternative perspective.
Oh and by the way, she wouldn't cut it by herself. She would say,"the kids need to learn to do it for themselves", totally avoiding the entire issue that she was simply asked to show us how it worked. It's a pride issue as well. Typical controller.
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Post by lyn on Jan 29, 2017 14:21:20 GMT -5
One day, in the not too distant future, greatcoastal, your kids will all be independent adults and you won't give a flying fig what your manipulative refuser spouse thinks, thought, might be thinking, not thinking about, etc. You will be too busy with your hot new lady, in the orange grove, trying to get the sand out of your ummmm...... crack. Won't THAT be amazing?!?! |
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Post by petrushka on Jan 30, 2017 8:12:40 GMT -5
sweetplumeria : we all know that there are 10 kinds of people in the world - those who understand binary numbers, and those who don't. {grins}
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 3, 2017 21:54:00 GMT -5
The more I see through my Stbx's manipulative controlling ways,and counter them with boundaries, the more she avoids any and all conversations.That also means she will go on to do as she pleases. This is were I have to sit back and let her suffer the consequences, but enforce, and speak up for her actions that affect me and will be detrimental to the family. This will go on for years. Already I am seeing a pattern of double standards and hypocrisy, in how she is handling things,between our different teenagers.. Especially when it comes to money. For now I have to just tell my teens, "we will have two house holds soon, and things will be done differently at my house, my house, my rules."
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Post by cc on Feb 18, 2017 0:36:14 GMT -5
Today my daughter was using the pineapple cutter, for the first time. I came into the kirchen to learn how to use it myself. I purchased it,months ago, someone else threw the box away, so I've never seen the directions, and have never seen one before. So I asked, "how do you use that?" My w. answers, "you just put it in and turn it." I said, "that's all? you don't cut anything first?" My w. said, "I cut the top and the bottom". My daughter said, "I cant get it to turn." My other daughter said, maybe it's too ripe?" My W. says,"get your brother to do it, he's done it before". While she stands a few feet away, and does nothing. My son came, twisted it all the way down and yanked it out. Then came the question, "how do you get it off the cutter, do you push the button or anything? "My W. said " NO, just take it off from there". It wasn't working. My W. then said, "you have to push the button first, to release the bottom then take it off." I then looked at my daughter and said, "YES, you do have to push the button first, even though your mother just told you NO, not to do that." My W. just looked down, with a angry smirk, and remained in total silence. Did my W. have a chance to apologize? Could she have said, "I shouldn't have said , no, sorry about that?" Could she have shown all of us how to use it, and answered any questions about it? How rare is it to hear her say," I don't know, I am not sure?" Could the whole event been a lot more happy? Could my W. have set the tone a whole lot more different from the beginning? Does my W. stay in control up until, and even after the moment someone criticizes her, or even politely tells her she's wrong? Yes. How does she do that? By saying nothing. ( you will also hear the words," whatever") Saying nothing IS SAYING SOMETHING. It's saying, I will not admit I was wrong, even the least bit. I will make it look like you are the one causing a problem. By not communicating I send a clear message to everyone, that I do not admit to being wrong and will remain that way on most every issue. So you are better off to accept it, give in to it, and deal with it. The more I witness this, and am aware of it, I question my own behavior. Do I do that? Will I notice it when I do? will I go out of my way to correct it? I do know that I am one of the first to say, "I am sorry, you were right, I'll try to do better." My husband can never be wrong and he never owned up to anything. I have been calling it out more and more. He just twists his face up and says another lie. But if you asked him...He is mr. Truthful. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 12, 2017 11:41:57 GMT -5
More examples of living with a controller.
My W. is in the kitchen eating, she says to our daughter, "good morning", my daughter says"I've been up for a while". The W. says "I haven't seen you?". My daughter says " I've been all around the house". My w. then says" oh it's not morning anymore, good afternoon".
Am I the only one who sees the denial, the arguing, the reversal, in all this? My daughter is saying to her, in her own way, "I've been up and doing things all day and your still in your pajamas, someone brought you lunch from Mcdonalds, and you've been in one spot, on your computer!"
My W. says to my son, "you owe me $20." he says, You still owe me $15. and it was even more than that". She says, "I don't remember that, or it being any different". He says, "of course you don't you remember what you want to". She has nothing to say.
One of my boys finally brings a friend over to the house.My son tells my W. "there's nothing to drink here, when are you going to the store? She says, "there's water, you can make some tea." While she sits at the kitchen table, with a drink in her hand from McDonald.
It's coming down to some crazy days lately ,of her refusing to buy groceries, when 100% of the household expenses are her responsibility. It's taking my lawyer talking to hers, to tell her of all the violations she's breaking. The kids know it, and see it all.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 12, 2017 12:05:59 GMT -5
More examples of living with a controller. My W. is in the kitchen eating, she says to our daughter, "good morning", my daughter says"I've been up for a while". The W. says "I haven't seen you?". My daughter says " I've been all around the house". My w. then says" oh it's not morning anymore, good afternoon". Am I the only one who sees the denial, the arguing, the reversal, in all this? My daughter is saying to her, in her own way, "I've been up and doing things all day and your still in your pajamas, someone brought you lunch from Mcdonalds, and you've been in one spot, on your computer!" My W. says to my son, "you owe me $20." he says, You still owe me $15. and it was even more than that". She says, "I don't remember that, or it being any different". He says, "of course you don't you remember what you want to". She has nothing to say. One of my boys finally brings a friend over to the house.My son tells my W. "there's nothing to drink here, when are you going to the store? She says, "there's water, you can make some tea." While she sits at the kitchen table, with a drink in her hand from McDonald. It's coming down to some crazy days lately ,of her refusing to buy groceries, when 100% of the household expenses are her responsibility. It's taking my lawyer talking to hers, to tell her of all the violations she's breaking. The kids know it, and see it all. Your wife is a bitch! One day the chickens will come home to roost and it sounds like she is burning bridges with her own children, very sad. She's on the road to being a lonely lady but I think she prefers that. With all due respect, no way I would have done a collaborative mediation divorce with that woman. I hope your case gets in front of a judge ASAP to bring her control to an end. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 12, 2017 13:17:40 GMT -5
Thank you friend! The collaboration went no where once the hidden money came up. The mediation went no where, once the moving, and accountability for money came up. Her attorney was fired because she was told about being held accountable for all that money that was moved. my attorney tried to save me/us from spending more and more money with going to a judge. My stbx is now trying to deplete my funds by dragging things along. Yes, the day will come.
Pardon me venting more!!
My stbx continues her manipulative control (which she knows is starting to crumble) by not buying food.What made it worse was when my FIL stepped in, had one of the boys take him to the store, and came home with groceries to "help out the family". I let in on him big time! I told him to "stay out of this, this is not your concern". He insulted my manhood and my believes, and tried to pull some DARVO on me. I ended it by repeating my questions,"who is responsible, who has been keeping,all the money, who has drained our accounts, who hides her pay checks, who has hidden hundreds of thousands of dollars? and proving to him, that he won't and can't answer them. Sadly he tried to defend her. It just shows the triangulation that has occurred for years. She has found someone who will agree with her opinion, especially anything made up about me. He had no idea about all the control over the money. He finally had to admit that. As I remind him to stay out of it, and after 10 yrs of being an intruder,he can get the HELL out of our house!
So as her influence/control is weakening she is fighting it more and more. Sadly the teens are programmed to "make her happy" due to their fear of all the control she has over the family. Now that they are teens much of it revolves around money. Taking their phones, or their jobs, or their use of a car away from them.
I am hoping, and more convinced, that having two separate households is going to be a big relief for everyone. It can't happen soon enough!
There's a lot of healing that needs to happen.
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 12, 2017 13:22:46 GMT -5
One day, in the not too distant future, greatcoastal , your kids will all be independent adults and you won't give a flying fig what your manipulative refuser spouse thinks, thought, might be thinking, not thinking about, etc. You will be too busy with your hot new lady, in the orange grove, trying to get the sand out of your ummmm...... crack. Won't THAT be amazing?!?! Amazingly uplifting with a huge sense of freedom! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 12, 2017 13:33:52 GMT -5
Tonight I will be serving frozen fruit and frozen broccoli. That's all that's left in the freezer. My 4 sons will be going out to work and spend their own money on their own dinner. They will be kind enough to bring something home for their sisters. The FIL will most likely take his daughter out to eat. I had to take pictures of the empty fridge, and pantry.
Life with a controller.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 12, 2017 16:33:31 GMT -5
Tonight I will be serving frozen fruit and frozen broccoli. That's all that's left in the freezer. My 4 sons will be going out to work and spend their own money on their own dinner. They will be kind enough to bring something home for their sisters. The FIL will most likely take his daughter out to eat. I had to take pictures of the empty fridge, and pantry. Life with a controller. Is there not a joint account somewhere with both of your names on it? What in the world is your attorney doing for you? You should have been receiving spousal support even though you aren't divorced. I'd take her favorite recliner sell it online for $50 and take myself out for a steak dinner. Next I'd sell her bed. I'd make it so uncomfortable for her to live there that she'd expedite this divorce on her own. Whatever is in the house you own. Heck sell the fridge if she's not going to put food in it. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Apr 12, 2017 18:14:06 GMT -5
Great, now I want some pineapple 😉 I have been eating a lot of pineapple lately, if only someone would be up for the taste testing to see if it changes the taste. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Apr 13, 2017 0:00:31 GMT -5
Great, now I want some pineapple 😉 I have been eating a lot of pineapple lately, if only someone would be up for the taste testing to see if it changes the taste. I saw your pineapple young man in your drink of the day.... any takers yet on the blind taste test? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Apr 13, 2017 7:16:18 GMT -5
Tonight I will be serving frozen fruit and frozen broccoli. That's all that's left in the freezer. My 4 sons will be going out to work and spend their own money on their own dinner. They will be kind enough to bring something home for their sisters. The FIL will most likely take his daughter out to eat. I had to take pictures of the empty fridge, and pantry. Life with a controller. Is there not a joint account somewhere with both of your names on it? What in the world is your attorney doing for you? You should have been receiving spousal support even though you aren't divorced. I'd take her favorite recliner sell it online for $50 and take myself out for a steak dinner. Next I'd sell her bed. I'd make it so uncomfortable for her to live there that she'd expedite this divorce on her own. Whatever is in the house you own. Heck sell the fridge if she's not going to put food in it. From the moment I said " I am ending our marriage, I hired an attorney I moved half, the money out of one of our two joint accounts" she got home and began to start moving money. She drained our one joint account, (left me with $1.47) and has three other accounts (maybe more?) in her name only. The other joint account is for rental property expenses only. She swiped 60% of that one day. All things she will be held accountable for. The documentation is all there. The cost of getting that funding (temporary relief) wasn't going to be worth it, compared to the small amount of funds I would receive. For what was SUPPOSED to be a "limited, short amount of time." This buying groceries, was an example of where I would cave and spend the money for the family. While being manipulated by the controller. It's come down to her postponing the inevitable, and attempting to drain my funding by delaying our court date by not co-operating through mediation. My attorney sees it as "she hired a lousy attorney with no experience." Meanwhile from day one I told my attorney, "we are dealing with a , narcissist , a manipulative controller. She said," everybody claims that against each other!" I thought to myself, "you will be seeing things different in a few months, wait, and you will see, it will be easy." She now says, "your wife's a real peach, a real piece of work!" Then she keeps asking me, "do you want full custody of the children?" As far as selling our things, I am not going to violate any court orders, about "frozen assets". Her violations of that are another ace up my sleeve, when the time comes. I already look around the house and think, I'll take those two recliners, she can keep the other two, I'll take this set, she can have that one, I'll take these desks, she can have those..etc... The important part was that she went and bought groceries last night. While all the teens (and the FIL) watched and took note of her controlling behavior, how she took no responsibility, and tried to dump it on me. They are not buying it. Yet they still have to answer to "the boss". My daughter came home around 9:00pm last night after her youth group, her and mom where going to watch some TV. My daughter asked her to set things up and get it ready. My daughter has been on crutches for three months with a bruised bone in her knee. Her mom says, "the tv's too far away, you do it, I'm to tired". My daughter tells her, "mom I'm eating at the table you do it". Her mom says, "I worked eight hours today, what did you do?" My daughter and the her brothers are taking seven classes, homework, sports, youth groups, volunteering, and do housework. My daughter said " your so lazy, your just lazy". My daughter still set up the tv while her mom got her way. Because she is a controller. Always taking. Can't wait for the divorce, and a separate household! |
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