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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 16:06:09 GMT -5
And I don't like it. Although I firmly realize my marriage is for all intents and purposes dead, it's become obvious to me that in order to deal with the H while I'm strategizing my exit, I've got to go along to get along.
I want to poke his beady eyes out with my pinky finger all the while telling him what a failure he has been as a husband, but, of course I won't do that. At least not today. Years and years of dealing with sexlessness, gambling addiction, witnessing his dysfunctional - aggressive tendencies with most people (unless they want to talk college football - then you're golden), etc., etc., etc., has pretty much made me numb to his behaviour. Numb, except now and in recent months I see him for what he is.
Smiling in disagreement, giggling at his iodiotic comments, nodding my head like an idiot bobble-head all while visualizing the end result. NO MORE HIM. NO MORE US.
I can do this while getting my plan in place - my goal exit will be here before I know it. Getting along will make this process easier. In fact, it's the only way I think. Ugh but I hate it.
My own personal pep talk. What is your take on this? I know many - Baz especially comes to mind, remind us that going along makes us complicit - I hope this situation is an exception and I'm not doing even more personal damage.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 12, 2017 16:11:13 GMT -5
If you are really prepping for your exit, then not hypocritical at all, a smart tactician. You probably have a war ahead of you. The smart tactician wins.
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 16:16:35 GMT -5
Thanks beachguy - this helps! I'm not getting any younger sitting here being celibate not to mention miserable. I'm excited and a little freaked out but it is happening!! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 12, 2017 16:16:54 GMT -5
I agree with beachguy there's something to be said for keeping the peace for the greater good of day in and day out. When the time is right your plan will come together. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jan 12, 2017 16:23:33 GMT -5
If you are really prepping for your exit, then not hypocritical at all, a smart tactician. You probably have a war ahead of you. The smart tactician wins. Yeah, i suspect that we all generally recognize the difference between complicity in out own imprisonment, and keeping a low profile and getting along while we actively plan our escape. Not hypocritical at all in my opinion. |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 12, 2017 16:26:43 GMT -5
P.S. I suspect some people need to get mad enough to leave, and they make that very clear as they are getting to that place from which they can leave (like me). It's not a good premeditated strategy but I suspect it is more the norm preceding divorce. Some people might bobble-head themselves into staying forever? But again, if you have the self control to do it this way, and stick with your plan, you are way ahead of the game.
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Post by darktippedrose on Jan 12, 2017 17:19:21 GMT -5
I don't see it as being a hypocrite. Think of it as being more like a spy hehe.
You are undercover and your mission will soon be over. Play it safe sweetie
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 17:26:39 GMT -5
I don't see it as being a hypocrite. Think of it as being more like a spy hehe. You are undercover and your mission will soon be over. Play it safe sweetie That's kind of how I'm looking at it too😉 It's exhausting to be pist off all the time - it's almost a respite I guess - even I it's all fake! Thanks darktippedrose I appreciate you! |
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 17:27:45 GMT -5
I agree with beachguy there's something to be said for keeping the peace for the greater good of day in and day out. When the time is right your plan will come together. Thanks bballgirl you inspire me daily! |
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 17:34:50 GMT -5
If you are really prepping for your exit, then not hypocritical at all, a smart tactician. You probably have a war ahead of you. The smart tactician wins. Yeah, i suspect that we all generally recognize the difference between complicity in out own imprisonment, and keeping a low profile and getting along while we actively plan our escape. Not hypocritical at all in my opinion. I am looking at this in a whole new light novembercomingfire. This focus, these tactics are liberating. It's much easier for me to be pleasant, even if fake, than to be walking around pist off. Almost a relief really. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 12, 2017 18:12:11 GMT -5
Money, money, money, ...MONEY!! You will be advised by your attorney about that. That will be a BIG part of quietly, legally, removing your rightful, share. Ahead of time. All part of the strategy.
Many times fighting back, standing up for yourself, serving justice, is done by remaining silent, and walking away.
I have found a large factor that brings your spouse off their pedestal is the legal system. Our spouses are so used to decades of us compromising, giving in, taking the path of least resistance, (which , in hind sight feels like coping out) all to "keep the peace." His controlling , lazy tactics don't go over very well when he is answering to attorneys, judges, accountants, bankers, sheriffs, pastors, and family members.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 12, 2017 19:21:53 GMT -5
HOPE: What kind of hope do you have? Be confident for what you hope for. I'm high on HOPE! Don't base your hope on what you currently see. Eagerly wait for it with perseverance, than character, than HOPE. The greatest hindrance to your vision is your sight. (you give a great testimony of this by laughing, and now noticing his flaws) HOPE needs to be coupled with faith through ACTION. You have been pressured to "be a good servant" Meanwhile no one is fighting for your heart. There is no grand adventure to be swept up in, while you are lead to believe that you still have beauty to unveil. Post a sticky note on your computer: I am beautiful! I am worth fighting for. I am a captivating woman I deserve to be the beauty, and to be desired. YOU DESERVE THAT!! |
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Post by baza on Jan 12, 2017 20:44:38 GMT -5
Being inert and complicit in a dysfunctional deal is one thing.
"Smiling in agreement, giggling at his iodiotic comments, nodding (your) head like an idiot" as you gather together your legal advice and other aspects of your exit strategy is another thing entirely.
Seems to me to be a smart tactic - presuppossing you really are getting your exit strategy into do-able shape.
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 21:26:27 GMT -5
greatcoastal Thank you friend for this. I'm not brought to tears easily, however, your words have done just that (not sad tears). Positive self-talk is very important to me and probably the main reason my HOPE is real and realistic. Your words are so generous. I can see myself this time next year........ it won't be an easy process, but I like what I see; me, living an authentic life. Maybe not fancy, but authentic nonetheless.
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Post by lyn on Jan 12, 2017 21:29:39 GMT -5
Being inert and complicit in a dysfunctional deal is one thing. "Smiling in agreement, giggling at his iodiotic comments, nodding (your) head like an idiot" as you gather together your legal advice and other aspects of your exit strategy is another thing entirely. Seems to me to be a smart tactic - presuppossing you really are getting your exit strategy into do-able shape. Thanks baza - I value your insight so much. This IS real and I'm ticking boxes - this exit will happen - it IS my only hope for an authentic, happy life. |
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