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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 28, 2017 14:01:56 GMT -5
beachguy - my orgasms from a PIV portion of the program are not the same and seriously don't involve much clit action - don't you think she was maybe just saying whatever she thought would make you move on...and get it over with?) I just felt compelled to share - as part of the clit-owner side of the house - I so agree. On so many levels! |
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Post by JMX on Jan 28, 2017 20:17:35 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, first of all, if your loverman is truly worth the label, he should be providing way more delicacies  As I suggested, I had the feeling that she truly was "just trying to get me to move on and get it over with". And if that's true, that would be a HUGE red flag. Was she being honest? I had HUGE trust issues going back to the Bait N Switch on the wedding day. And continuing on with anything remotely sexual we discussed. I would never assume honesty. I have no reason to think she ever was honest with me. I was just taking an informal survey to see if it made any sense at all for a woman that valued sexuality. If she wanted a different flavor she could have trained me. If she wanted a break, I would have taken a break and tried to be intimate in other ways. I would have done anything to extend the enjoyment of a sexual encounter. It's not like I wasn't trainable. In fact, our sex was done to a script that she wrote. I had very little input into it. (and yes, I tried, but she would actually get upset when I tried new things). I was not a selfish lover. I may not be a "good" or "great" lover by some standards, but I followed her script and I honestly tried to please within that rigid sexual regimen. And since she wrote the script it was pretty much up to her to modify the script as she felt necessary. I agree with @geekgoddess - how can I explain this? I had an ex that went down on me like nobody's business. Sincerely, once I had "gone" I could not go anymore. But he kept trying. It hurt and was way too sensitive. I cannot explain it anymore than this - after cumming from clitoris stimulation, I only want PIV, and ravenously. I NEED to be filed up. I need the other spot stimulated. I am never satisfied with one or the other. I need both to sleep well. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 29, 2017 14:05:01 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, first of all, if your loverman is truly worth the label, he should be providing way more delicacies Agreed. Turns out, he is not worthy. I found out today that he has been in a relationship going on about 9 months. I swear, I could have been a "better side chick" if I had KNOWN that I was a side chick! I introduced him to my 12-step program last night and it is some solace to me that I was able to be of that service to him. We got to my apartment after and he wouldn't stay. I did not get sex and I did get rejected and I did stop and say: I will not try to convince anyone to have sex with me. He left shortly after - and I had told him that if he chose to leave, I couldn't get excited about him again - two weeks of buildup/letdown cycle is too painful. He said he understood and he left. And it was VERY painful last night, as I knew for 90 minutes he was still driving home, and then again painful this morning, not having a reply to any text that he had made it home - but I went to my morning meeting and it was helpful to be with other program fellows and people who love me and wanted to hug me and let me cry a bit on their shoulders. As I left that meeting, he wrote to say he had made it home and wanted to talk. When I got home, he called, he was an emotional wreck and I ended up finding some acceptance in that conversation and continuing to fill him up with helpful program knowledge so that I hope he stands a better chance at succeeding at getting & staying sober. We actually ended with "I love you" exchanges - and not in a romantic way, there has never been a romantic thing from his side (I always suspected that but now have it more or less in his own words) and well - - I do love him in a program way and will be forever grateful for the first trysts we had that had so much to do with awakening my inner goddesss and all that --- But I will be okay. I'm not fully okay yet, but I will be. I fully believe that. It only hurts "right now" - so appropriate, because he was never Mr. Right, he was always only Mr. Right Now. Later - more adventures to come my way. Now with the decks cleared, there is space for that in my life. Forever grateful for sobriety, for freedom from SM, for having an inner joy that no shithead Loverman has the power to ruin. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jan 29, 2017 14:17:06 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, first of all, if your loverman is truly worth the label, he should be providing way more delicacies Agreed. Turns out, he is not worthy. I found out today that he has been in a relationship going on about 9 months. I swear, I could have been a "better side chick" if I had KNOWN that I was a side chick! I introduced him to my 12-step program last night and it is some solace to me that I was able to be of that service to him. We got to my apartment after and he wouldn't stay. I did not get sex and I did get rejected and I did stop and say: I will not try to convince anyone to have sex with me. He left shortly after - and I had told him that if he chose to leave, I couldn't get excited about him again - two weeks of buildup/letdown cycle is too painful. He said he understood and he left. And it was VERY painful last night, as I knew for 90 minutes he was still driving home, and then again painful this morning, not having a reply to any text that he had made it home - but I went to my morning meeting and it was helpful to be with other program fellows and people who love me and wanted to hug me and let me cry a bit on their shoulders. As I left that meeting, he wrote to say he had made it home and wanted to talk. When I got home, he called, he was an emotional wreck and I ended up finding some acceptance in that conversation and continuing to fill him up with helpful program knowledge so that I hope he stands a better chance at succeeding at getting & staying sober. We actually ended with "I love you" exchanges - and not in a romantic way, there has never been a romantic thing from his side (I always suspected that but now have it more or less in his own words) and well - - I do love him in a program way and will be forever grateful for the first trysts we had that had so much to do with awakening my inner goddesss and all that --- But I will be okay. I'm not fully okay yet, but I will be. I fully believe that. It only hurts "right now" - so appropriate, because he was never Mr. Right, he was always only Mr. Right Now. Later - more adventures to come my way. Now with the decks cleared, there is space for that in my life. Forever grateful for sobriety, for freedom from SM, for having an inner joy that no shithead Loverman has the power to ruin. Love you GG XXX |
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Post by richfairy72 on Jan 29, 2017 14:40:11 GMT -5
This goes back to the very beginning when we started dating... 1. She was always one and done * 2. Never morning sex, ever 3. She had a script, and rarely wanted to deviate 4. Never outside the bedroom 5. Never wanted to cuddle afterward (at least not after a couple months of dating I think, never during the marriage 6. Never wanted to spoon asleep (this would send me running now-huge flag) 7. Always refused to sleep naked - even in the beginning 8. As soon as she moved in, she resisted more. Then the engagement, slowed again. All prep for sexlessness day after wedding 9. Never once gave me a BJ to completion. Or a hand job. ** 10. At every stage before the marriage, she gave me just enough sex to keep me in the game. See also #8 * This is one for the ladies to comment on. I always gave her oral, and she liked it, and she always came. But never ever, not once, let me give her a 2nd oral O. She said she was "too sensitive". But she would immediately want me to fuck her, when she would try to get another O. I never understood why she was too sensitive for a 2nd oral O but was up for immediate penetration. ** - this I now understand was fundamental to her extreme selfishness. If she wasn't in a position for PIV, she would never consider getting me off in any way. I guess because there was nothing in it for her. The problem I see, as I did my post mortem... were there these red flags? Sure. But now imagine the scene when I'm breaking up and I have to give her a reason. "Well, you're a one and done and I can't live with that". OR... "I'm breaking up because you never seem interested in morning sex". See #10: she knew how to play me, and give me just enough sex to keep me in the game, and no more. If I invented a time machine, I think I would go back to the day before the wedding and just shoot my past self and put myself out of my misery . As an added bonus I would test that time travel paradox thing OMG, she would really suit my husband. Maybe we should all put our refuser spouses together, they would quite like it! As for me, red flags galore. But especially disappointing was my 30th birthday. Lovely romantic hotel looking over Cardiff bay. A quick 2 minute job, as he was desperate to get to the gym. Come to think of it, even the wedding night felt like a chore (he had to order a cheese sandwich before even looking at me, how romantic) |
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Post by richfairy72 on Jan 29, 2017 14:46:47 GMT -5
Just to say, even to have one orgasm per session would be a treat. Sadly even that is a rare occurrence.....
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Post by beachguy on Jan 29, 2017 17:11:47 GMT -5
Just to say, even to have one orgasm per session would be a treat. Sadly even that is a rare occurrence..... The perils of womanhood. You have my sympathy |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 29, 2017 17:32:14 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, I'm sorry you just went through that. Be strong, as I know you will because you are you.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 29, 2017 20:16:15 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, I'm sorry you just went through that. Be strong, as I know you will because you are you. Thank you, , beachguy - I feel very supported by all my fellow 12-step program members. They are giving me MUCH love and I can see in their faces, even without words "that fool of a man" - it's almost more affirming than the actual verbalized remarks because it's visceral - I can FEEL how much they know that I deserve better and that helps ME more fully accept that I do, in fact, deserve better. I've been on the carousel of up & down with him before. But this time - it's final. This time it's final because I want it to be. I can't sign up for the same roller coaster ride knowing that both times I tried, I got the exact same result (only WORSE this time because my brain keeps thinking "I should've known better" than to expect a different result). I'm still an emotional wreck this evening but the dry eyes are lasting longer periods. I've been in recovery 14 months and I have been "fascinated" by/with Loverman for longer than that even - so it WILL "take a minute" to get through the loss and grieve the lost opportunity (which I do realize WAS ENTIRELY IMAGINARY because I was missing information!) I will get strong again. I'm a little sick of being so strong. I would like to be totally respected for being strong AND catered to, cherished and sexually satiated - I may be asking a tiny amount too much (so I could sacrifice the "catered to" if that is required to get the other two). Always - hiding pain with humor --- it's my specialty! Oh well - I will continue to journal about it, sob to friends, post here as I can - and TRY to catch up on my homework meantime! I will recover from this crestfallen state. I don't know when, but I know that I will. |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 29, 2017 21:33:38 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, first of all, if your loverman is truly worth the label, he should be providing way more delicacies Agreed. Turns out, he is not worthy. I found out today that he has been in a relationship going on about 9 months. I swear, I could have been a "better side chick" if I had KNOWN that I was a side chick! I introduced him to my 12-step program last night and it is some solace to me that I was able to be of that service to him. We got to my apartment after and he wouldn't stay. I did not get sex and I did get rejected and I did stop and say: I will not try to convince anyone to have sex with me. He left shortly after - and I had told him that if he chose to leave, I couldn't get excited about him again - two weeks of buildup/letdown cycle is too painful. He said he understood and he left. And it was VERY painful last night, as I knew for 90 minutes he was still driving home, and then again painful this morning, not having a reply to any text that he had made it home - but I went to my morning meeting and it was helpful to be with other program fellows and people who love me and wanted to hug me and let me cry a bit on their shoulders. As I left that meeting, he wrote to say he had made it home and wanted to talk. When I got home, he called, he was an emotional wreck and I ended up finding some acceptance in that conversation and continuing to fill him up with helpful program knowledge so that I hope he stands a better chance at succeeding at getting & staying sober. We actually ended with "I love you" exchanges - and not in a romantic way, there has never been a romantic thing from his side (I always suspected that but now have it more or less in his own words) and well - - I do love him in a program way and will be forever grateful for the first trysts we had that had so much to do with awakening my inner goddesss and all that --- But I will be okay. I'm not fully okay yet, but I will be. I fully believe that. It only hurts "right now" - so appropriate, because he was never Mr. Right, he was always only Mr. Right Now. Later - more adventures to come my way. Now with the decks cleared, there is space for that in my life. Forever grateful for sobriety, for freedom from SM, for having an inner joy that no shithead Loverman has the power to ruin. Stay strong honey. I'm thinking of you and it will all be ok. Hugs xoxo |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2017 0:00:49 GMT -5
Its interesting. I was young, wild, lots of sex, exciting take a chance lifestyle and at 26 I decided that I had done that all that. Soon after I met my wife, intelligent, wore panties, had a good job and as we talked she wanted a future, kids and I want that too. For a little while I thought with my head not my cock and we wanted the same things. Nice life and 2 kids later then my cock managed to get my brain attentions again. So yes and no there were clues but I wasn't listening to little brain at the time.
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