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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 22, 2017 13:54:51 GMT -5
This goes back to the very beginning when we started dating... 1. She was always one and done * [...] * This is one for the ladies to comment on. I always gave her oral, and she liked it, and she always came. But never ever, not once, let me give her a 2nd oral O. She said she was "too sensitive". But she would immediately want me to fuck her, when she would try to get another O. I never understood why she was too sensitive for a 2nd oral O but was up for immediate penetration. Anatomy, depending. Women's sexuality tends to be like a snowflake - each one unique. Oral brings a clitoral orgasm. Some women can ride multiples. One of my ex-gf's lost track at ten, and tapped out a bit after, exhausted. Some women are, much like a guy, too sensitive to be stimulated directly there, right after. Some women fall asleep right after the orgasm. Some women want penetration after, because, depending on their anatomy, it stimulates different parts in different ways. Some women know exactly their style or preference and will tell you. Others won't or can't. |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 22, 2017 14:05:19 GMT -5
This goes back to the very beginning when we started dating... 1. She was always one and done * [...] * This is one for the ladies to comment on. I always gave her oral, and she liked it, and she always came. But never ever, not once, let me give her a 2nd oral O. She said she was "too sensitive". But she would immediately want me to fuck her, when she would try to get another O. I never understood why she was too sensitive for a 2nd oral O but was up for immediate penetration. Anatomy, depending. Women's sexuality tends to be like a snowflake - each one unique. Oral brings a clitoral orgasm. Some women can ride multiples. One of my ex-gf's lost track at ten, and tapped out a bit after, exhausted. Some women are, much like a guy, too sensitive to be stimulated directly there, right after. Some women fall asleep right after the orgasm. Some women want penetration after, because, depending on their anatomy, it stimulates different parts in different ways. Some women know exactly their style or preference and will tell you. Others won't or can't. I want to make clear that I listed a bunch of POTENTIAL red flags. None, individually, may have had any significant meaning as a predictor of the future. But when I connect all the dots I see a clear pattern. I made clear that some were less meaningful than others. Maybe I'm wrong on this but the way I see it, the fact that she only wanted one oral O would have been just a meaningless quirk if she had willingly participated in a healthy sex life after the wedding. But she didn't and I tend to see that as more of a red flag. It was a portent of sexual doom, among other portents. |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 22, 2017 14:16:45 GMT -5
I have to disagree with you on this one beachguy. In my case too, once I came by oral, that thing was VERY sensitive!! It was difficult for me to orgasam a second time from oral. I was completely turned on and after PIV sex felt amazing. The orgasam I has from PIV was definitely less intense but still great. OK, Carol maybe you can educate me. There is another aspect to this that is part of my confusion. My STBX always wanted to be on top. It is my understanding that women that like being on top do that because they control the angle of penetration and they want to do that in order to stimulate the clit as best they can, which is not usually stimulated otherwise during PIV. And the way she did that tended to stimulate the "front" of her vagina. She never liked rear entry, which would stay as far away from the clit as possible? We only did that once, the entire relationship. When we did missionary I always "pushed forward" to try to stimulate her clit as best I could, and she liked that. Does my confusion make sense? |
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 22, 2017 15:03:53 GMT -5
Many women and men prefer various positions because they find some aspect of the power dynamics to be either more or less vulnerable, and the power dynamics and psychology are arousing to them. These dynamics can be in addition to, or in lieu of, actual stimulation. Certainly, these dynamics are explored in a more focused way in the BDSM/kink world, but I have never met a person where they did not exist at all. In the examples you cited, it might be that your partner enjoys more clitoral stimulation, which you picked up on. It might also be that she does not enjoy "letting go" and "being taken" with you, or in general. A tell with this might be whether she enjoyed rear-entry spooning (which is more intimate), but not doggy. |
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Post by beachguy on Jan 22, 2017 16:02:35 GMT -5
Apocrypha, honestly I was looking for opinions from people with clits....
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Post by Apocrypha on Jan 22, 2017 16:16:07 GMT -5
Apocrypha , honestly I was looking for opinions from people with clits.... Fair enough. But most people with clits only have one clit, and that's all the experience they have ever had with clits. As opposed to someone who has tasted the rainbow, and encountered a lot of different people, each with a clit. Perspectives vary. |
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Post by nancyb on Jan 22, 2017 16:20:24 GMT -5
Apocrypha , honestly I was looking for opinions from people with clits.... I happen to be the proud owner of a clit. What was the question? lol |
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Post by nancyb on Jan 22, 2017 16:26:38 GMT -5
There is always a refractory period after an orgasm when I am too sensitive to touch...but after a few minutes I am ready to go again...whether oral of intercourse its all good. Cant speak to your w experience Beach guy....all i know is my own. 😊
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Post by Carol on Jan 22, 2017 19:09:11 GMT -5
Same here... i can only speak for myself. The O I got from oral was way more intense due to direct stimulation. I would still have one from PIV sex, regardless of the position. I really enjoyed this the rear entry (not anal mind you because I never got into that) and would have one then too. I recently read an article that women's O's were a matter of how far the clit was away from the vaginal opening. The short the length the easier it was. Every women is different so the area a lot of different factors that determines how a women reacts.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 23, 2017 15:18:45 GMT -5
nancyb and Carol , I appreciate your responses. But I'm not sure you understood my question. I understand that different women have different refractory periods, and I understand that different women have different experiences with oral vs PIV, and different "techniques" and positions. What I don't understand is why my wife was apparently so sensitive after an oral O that she was unwilling to have another oral O, even with a break, which I was happy to give her. But she wanted to IMMEDIATELY get into a PIV that, as I described previously, I think tends to maximize any clitoral stimulation. IOW, if she's too sensitive for more oral, then why is she so interested in IMMEDIATE PIV that should be doing the same general stimulation of her supposedly now oversensitive clit? I saw this "one or two and done" demand as a somewhat ambiguous suggestion that she really did not want much sex. At best, during the marriage, two O's a month seemed to be her limit. So I saw that as a means to limit the enjoyment she got. There's something wrong with that picture (in my mind) that I would like to better understand, since this "clues" subject came up.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Jan 23, 2017 16:03:55 GMT -5
beachguy - my orgasms from a PIV portion of the program are not the same and seriously don't involve much clit action - or anyway, the feeling isn't the same for me. Clit stimulation that happens during PIV is more spread out? I don't know how to say it. But - my response is way up behind the belly button (I think they're called cervix orgasms or something - I have read only enough to verify I didn't imagine this whole thing - - it's not the G-spot, it's higher than that even) And I will agree that while the actual physical differences of being on top mean I can make the clit feel how I want - that position, for me, is still more about control over depth of insertion than the control of clitoral stimulation. Disclaimer: I haven't gotten to do either of these (receive oral or ride on top) recently enough. So I admit that my recollection COULD be foggy. It's been since before Thanksgiving since having sex and that time didn't include either of these delicacies. I can't say I'd want oral again "right away" after an O from it - but I could pretty quickly recover (and then would prefer "variety" in whatever form of hand or PIV or whatever you got) - repeating the same flavor may have been her objection? OR - she was willing to relinquish "control of the situation" long enough to receive once and then needed to take back the reins by simply making up something to say no to? I don't really know - and trying to figure out one woman is really too much specificity (I mean - it's a little like why chasing at this point - do you believe she was totally honest every time or SOME of the time, don't you think she was maybe just saying whatever she thought would make you move on...and get it over with?) I just felt compelled to share - as part of the clit-owner side of the house - but unsure my comments are in any way helpful!
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Post by beachguy on Jan 23, 2017 16:29:59 GMT -5
@geekgoddess, first of all, if your loverman is truly worth the label, he should be providing way more delicacies  As I suggested, I had the feeling that she truly was "just trying to get me to move on and get it over with". And if that's true, that would be a HUGE red flag. Was she being honest? I had HUGE trust issues going back to the Bait N Switch on the wedding day. And continuing on with anything remotely sexual we discussed. I would never assume honesty. I have no reason to think she ever was honest with me. I was just taking an informal survey to see if it made any sense at all for a woman that valued sexuality. If she wanted a different flavor she could have trained me. If she wanted a break, I would have taken a break and tried to be intimate in other ways. I would have done anything to extend the enjoyment of a sexual encounter. It's not like I wasn't trainable. In fact, our sex was done to a script that she wrote. I had very little input into it. (and yes, I tried, but she would actually get upset when I tried new things). I was not a selfish lover. I may not be a "good" or "great" lover by some standards, but I followed her script and I honestly tried to please within that rigid sexual regimen. And since she wrote the script it was pretty much up to her to modify the script as she felt necessary. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 26, 2017 15:29:01 GMT -5
I did not have intercourse before marriage, but I did have foreplay. However, before the wedding there were multiple signs that she was extremely self centered and controlling. Because of my upbringing, her behavior didn't raise red flags for me. I should have known that someone this selfish in general would be selfish in all areas of her life.
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Post by beachguy on Jan 27, 2017 1:23:52 GMT -5
I did not have intercourse before marriage, but I did have foreplay. However, before the wedding there were multiple signs that she was extremely self centered and controlling. Because of my upbringing, her behavior didn't raise red flags for me. I should have known that someone this selfish in general would be selfish in all areas of her life. Another victim of the Virgin Syndrome... |
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Post by sweetplumeria on Jan 28, 2017 13:52:13 GMT -5
Apocrypha , honestly I was looking for opinions from people with clits.... Fair enough. But most people with clits only have one clit, and that's all the experience they have ever had with clits. As opposed to someone who has tasted the rainbow, and encountered a lot of different people, each with a clit. Perspectives vary. Since I have a clit I will chime in. I feel like my experience is different with different people. I have hade the seducing powerful lust experience like apocrypha suggests. I have enjoined multiples from both oral and vagival stimulation, but my all time favorite sex is with a man who loves the way I respond to him and he just keeps going till i must keep him from stimulating me, occasionally he would wait 20 to 30 minutes rest time and then sneak a hand on my breast or run his fingers along my skin and it would reawaken me. So, yes we are not all the same. Also he had to take my hand and place it on his cock. He made me feel so good i had forgotten about his pleasure but the reminder made me aware i wanted him to feel good too. So to me that last bit is quite important ... the refusers dont care if you feel good. Its just flat out sad. A caring person might miss it but with suggestion easily rectifies the situation. I also wonder if there are commmunication styles for sex. Why do some men read me better than others? Is it there lack of caring or understanding? Sadly, I am one of those multi girls and i remember laying in bed awake. My husband had cum. I was not done but sex was over. After some years like that i would sneak off to the bathroom and try to finish myself. I wish I could shake the ones who have been married less years than i and say run! Heed the red flags! Sadly, i stayed. I relate to well about the not realising the neon sign was a warning. My husband literally bat my hand away when i went to reach out and touch him. When i asked him why he said he thought i always wanted sex, that was in year one of marriage. I was a fool. |
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