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Post by rejected101 on Jan 3, 2017 21:14:46 GMT -5
I sat at home once wandering to myself (after being rejected by my wife yet again), am I physically repulsive to her? Am I a lousy lay? do I smell? Is she getting sex elsewhere? Is she a closet gay? Is she suffering from sexually induced pain? How is it that we went from sex once every 6 weeks to sex every over night as soon as I agreed to make babies with her?
Over the coming months I thought about it, pondered over it and I have been able to establish the logic behind it all. I'm not physically repulsive to her, lousy in bed, smelly or any of these negative things. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. My wife isn't having sex with another man, she isn't gay, she isn't suffering from any sexually induced pain. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. It's not that she can't, it's not that she has a headache, it's not the 36 hour stubble on her legs acts as some sort of sex barrier, simply, my wife is happy to end the day without having sex. So going back to our baby making days. My wife was not happy to end the day without having sex as this was a missed opportunity to fall pregnant. Now I continued to think and ponder over my findings thus far and thought to myself, if she she can manage 3 times per week for baby making, can she not try 3 times a month for a loving husband and a happy marriage? The answer has always been a resounding no.
So then I moved on with my thinking and pondering and I wondered, why do we have sex at all? Sometimes we'd go as little as 3 weeks, sometimes as long as 8 weeks but I managed to uncover the pattern. It wasn't hard, there was no breaking the enigma type of feeling as it was very simple. My wife has sex whenever she fancies sex and not a drop more and not a drop less. Could she participate more? Well judging by the baby making periods of course she can but these baby making periods don't last for ever do they. So can she honestly achieve more during normal day to day life (and I'm not talking about being greedy here as 3 times a month would be a great start/improvement). The honest answer seems at this moment to be no, she can not offer more because she isn't trying to make a baby and because although she could have quite happily had sex tonight, she is happy to end another day without having sex. Unless she has the itch, we won't be scratching! I started to try and combat the problem by making her go without. I failed miserably at the very first hurdle and realised that when you are already sex starved, turning sex down is like asking someone who came up from the bottom of the swimming pool for air not to breath when the reach the surface. It's nigh on impossible. So it really is this simple. If you are having the perfect amount of sex for you, you won't tend to make any effort to change. My wife is an amazing person but god damn it she is selfish when it comes to sex.
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Post by baza on Jan 3, 2017 21:35:09 GMT -5
Ok.
For the purpose of this exercise, I am your missus.
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"I have no idea what my husbands problem is. He wants sex at a far greater frequency than I do. I get sick of telling him 'no' and in fact get annoyed that he can't just leave the subject alone, as my view on the subject has been made clear many times before. Why can't he get the message ? He sure is selfish when it comes to sex"
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What is essentially "wrong" with her view ?
How do you figure that YOUR viewpoint is "better" or "righter" than hers ?
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 4:58:27 GMT -5
Well this is the million dollar question. I think from my perspective it works like this. If you are married, or you live as a married couple, what is important to your partner should become important to you. My wife loves receiving spontaneous gestures like flowers, a hand written card with loving words, she loves being surprised with by a spontaneous date even if that is as simple as a trip to the cinema or going bowling and some grub. I would not miss buying flowers or writing cards for if I were to stop. Imagine if I were to apply the same thinking as you've highlighted above! So I will buy flowers and write cards when and only when I fancy doing so. Pleasing her is no longer my priority, pleasing myself is my is. I'm sick of her keep asking if we can go out on a date, go for a meal and so on. I'll go when I fancy it, when there's something on at the cinema that I want to watch. Imagine if you apply that attitude to your relationship. What happens is a total collapse.
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 4, 2017 6:15:32 GMT -5
Well this is the million dollar question. I think from my perspective it works like this. If you are married, or you live as a married couple, what is important to your partner should become important to you. My wife loves receiving spontaneous gestures like flowers, a hand written card with loving words, she loves being surprised with by a spontaneous date even if that is as simple as a trip to the cinema or going bowling and some grub. I would not miss buying flowers or writing cards for if I were to stop. Imagine if I were to apply the same thinking as you've highlighted above! So I will buy flowers and write cards when and only when I fancy doing so. Pleasing her is no longer my priority, pleasing myself is my is. I'm sick of her keep asking if we can go out on a date, go for a meal and so on. I'll go when I fancy it, when there's something on at the cinema that I want to watch. Imagine if you apply that attitude to your relationship. What happens is a total collapse. Yes at that point it becomes a shithole marriage. That's what I did. I detached from my H and my marriage because of my anger and resentment. Never went to movies together or out to eat just us. If we were together it was with the kids. All that happened was the anger and resentment grew on both our parts and eventually divorce. I did ask for sex and tell him I wanted it but nothing changed and eventually I no longer wanted sex with him and then the anger and resentment grew even more until I couldn't be married anymore. Marriage is about compromise and compatibility in and outside of the bedroom. She better wake up before there are no more roses to smell. If she cares about you then she will want you to be happy. What if I told my H that I've decided I'm not going to cook anymore I'm just happy to eat a bowl of cereal every night - that would not have flown and a couple of times a month I would make his favorite meal and eat it even though it wasn't my favorite because that's what you do when you care about someone. So surely she can give you your favorite 2 or 3 times a month if she cares about you. |
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Post by thebaffledking on Jan 4, 2017 8:28:38 GMT -5
rejected101, the pattern is all too familiar.
10 years ago -- I broached the issue of having sex only once every 4-6 weeks..........she got angry, bitterly asking me, "What am I suppose to do, go live with my mom?" A few criticisms and insults followed. 3 kids still at home.
8 years ago -- I broached the issue again........with the eerie calm that people who lack empathy can produce, she told me if I wanted sex I could pay someone for it. About 5 months later, I think she tried re-setting me because I was checking out......November 2008 was the last time we had sex, and I knew it would be the last because I no longer desired her....and was beginning to despise her for what was happening to me. Two kids still at home.
5 years ago -- she asked me why I was always so 'down' and 'angry' (depressed and suicidal is what I was). I told her once again that I felt like I was living like a 7th grade boy, and a eunuch. She got angry and told me the sexlessness was a mutual decision, so I was NOT to hang that on her. Gaslighting 101. One kid still at home.
Now -- i have had all I can take. My spirit is in ruins. I am leaving the marriage. The issue has never been addressed by her, she just got angry or tried to give me a pass to see a hooker. And despite all of this, she will probably be surprised and enraged that I have the gall to upset HER life like this. All kids now out on their own.
This IS the road.......and, sadly, you have now joined us on it.
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Post by iceman on Jan 4, 2017 11:42:20 GMT -5
Well this is the million dollar question. I think from my perspective it works like this. If you are married, or you live as a married couple, what is important to your partner should become important to you. My wife loves receiving spontaneous gestures like flowers, a hand written card with loving words, she loves being surprised with by a spontaneous date even if that is as simple as a trip to the cinema or going bowling and some grub. I would not miss buying flowers or writing cards for if I were to stop. Imagine if I were to apply the same thinking as you've highlighted above! So I will buy flowers and write cards when and only when I fancy doing so. Pleasing her is no longer my priority, pleasing myself is my is. I'm sick of her keep asking if we can go out on a date, go for a meal and so on. I'll go when I fancy it, when there's something on at the cinema that I want to watch. Imagine if you apply that attitude to your relationship. What happens is a total collapse. Collapse is what happens when you are making all the efforts to please your wife and there's no reciprocity. You feel neglected and angry and just quit trying. You quit trying about everything in your marriage and the entire thing becomes toxic. The littlest annoyances become a big deal, things that I would gladly accept if we had a normal sex life. It's not a conscious decision. It's just how we view the world and our marriage. This is what has happened to me. My marriage became one-sided where I was making the effort to please my wife and seeing nothing in return. Over time I gradually stopped making the effort and our marriage is in a death spiral. I think it's really a question of fundamental compatibility. If, as a spouse, you cannot bring yourself to gladly do the things that make your spouse happy and don't regard their happiness as an extension of your happiness you really shouldn't be married to that person. And if you can't do it with anybody you really shouldn't be married at all. Not everybody should be married. It's not required in life to be married. I don't know how someone can say they are happy when they know their spouse is so unhappy and not try to make things better. I'm not talking about subjugating your happiness for theirs. I'm taking about walking through life together as a couple working to make each other happy. |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 4, 2017 11:52:44 GMT -5
I sat at home once wandering to myself (after being rejected by my wife yet again), am I physically repulsive to her? Am I a lousy lay? do I smell? Is she getting sex elsewhere? Is she a closet gay? Is she suffering from sexually induced pain? How is it that we went from sex once every 6 weeks to sex every over night as soon as I agreed to make babies with her? Over the coming months I thought about it, pondered over it and I have been able to establish the logic behind it all. I'm not physically repulsive to her, lousy in bed, smelly or any of these negative things. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. My wife isn't having sex with another man, she isn't gay, she isn't suffering from any sexually induced pain. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. It's not that she can't, it's not that she has a headache, it's not the 36 hour stubble on her legs acts as some sort of sex barrier, simply, my wife is happy to end the day without having sex. So going back to our baby making days. My wife was not happy to end the day without having sex as this was a missed opportunity to fall pregnant. Now I continued to think and ponder over my findings thus far and thought to myself, if she she can manage 3 times per week for baby making, can she not try 3 times a month for a loving husband and a happy marriage? The answer has always been a resounding no. So then I moved on with my thinking and pondering and I wondered, why do we have sex at all? Sometimes we'd go as little as 3 weeks, sometimes as long as 8 weeks but I managed to uncover the pattern. It wasn't hard, there was no breaking the enigma type of feeling as it was very simple. My wife has sex whenever she fancies sex and not a drop more and not a drop less. Could she participate more? Well judging by the baby making periods of course she can but these baby making periods don't last for ever do they. So can she honestly achieve more during normal day to day life (and I'm not talking about being greedy here as 3 times a month would be a great start/improvement). The honest answer seems at this moment to be no, she can not offer more because she isn't trying to make a baby and because although she could have quite happily had sex tonight, she is happy to end another day without having sex. Unless she has the itch, we won't be scratching! I started to try and combat the problem by making her go without. I failed miserably at the very first hurdle and realised that when you are already sex starved, turning sex down is like asking someone who came up from the bottom of the swimming pool for air not to breath when the reach the surface. It's nigh on impossible. So it really is this simple. If you are having the perfect amount of sex for you, you won't tend to make any effort to change. My wife is an amazing person but god damn it she is selfish when it comes to sex. Ok...I can clarify it for you. Your wife does not like sex and she does not love you enough to do something she does not like just to please you... For her it is a nessessary evil... to make kids or do it sometimes(less and less, preferably never) just to stop you to pester for more... So, what are you going to do with this knowledge? You can't change her... |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 12:01:47 GMT -5
I sat at home once wandering to myself (after being rejected by my wife yet again), am I physically repulsive to her? Am I a lousy lay? do I smell? Is she getting sex elsewhere? Is she a closet gay? Is she suffering from sexually induced pain? How is it that we went from sex once every 6 weeks to sex every over night as soon as I agreed to make babies with her? Over the coming months I thought about it, pondered over it and I have been able to establish the logic behind it all. I'm not physically repulsive to her, lousy in bed, smelly or any of these negative things. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. My wife isn't having sex with another man, she isn't gay, she isn't suffering from any sexually induced pain. My wife is just HAPPY to end the day without having sex. It's not that she can't, it's not that she has a headache, it's not the 36 hour stubble on her legs acts as some sort of sex barrier, simply, my wife is happy to end the day without having sex. So going back to our baby making days. My wife was not happy to end the day without having sex as this was a missed opportunity to fall pregnant. Now I continued to think and ponder over my findings thus far and thought to myself, if she she can manage 3 times per week for baby making, can she not try 3 times a month for a loving husband and a happy marriage? The answer has always been a resounding no. So then I moved on with my thinking and pondering and I wondered, why do we have sex at all? Sometimes we'd go as little as 3 weeks, sometimes as long as 8 weeks but I managed to uncover the pattern. It wasn't hard, there was no breaking the enigma type of feeling as it was very simple. My wife has sex whenever she fancies sex and not a drop more and not a drop less. Could she participate more? Well judging by the baby making periods of course she can but these baby making periods don't last for ever do they. So can she honestly achieve more during normal day to day life (and I'm not talking about being greedy here as 3 times a month would be a great start/improvement). The honest answer seems at this moment to be no, she can not offer more because she isn't trying to make a baby and because although she could have quite happily had sex tonight, she is happy to end another day without having sex. Unless she has the itch, we won't be scratching! I started to try and combat the problem by making her go without. I failed miserably at the very first hurdle and realised that when you are already sex starved, turning sex down is like asking someone who came up from the bottom of the swimming pool for air not to breath when the reach the surface. It's nigh on impossible. So it really is this simple. If you are having the perfect amount of sex for you, you won't tend to make any effort to change. My wife is an amazing person but god damn it she is selfish when it comes to sex. Ok...I can clarify it for you. Your wife does not like sex and she does not love you enough to do something she does not like just to please you... For her it is a nessessary evil... to make kids or do it sometimes(less and less, preferably never) just to stop you to pester for more... So, what are you going to do with this knowledge? You can't change her... I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks and the same again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when and will go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be. I willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 12:04:56 GMT -5
Ok...I can clarify it for you. Your wife does not like sex and she does not love you enough to do something she does not like just to please you... For her it is a nessessary evil... to make kids or do it sometimes(less and less, preferably never) just to stop you to pester for more... So, what are you going to do with this knowledge? You can't change her... I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks and the same again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when and will go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be. I willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks goes by and the same will happen again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when sex happens and will only go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be no willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? RE WRITTEN WITHOUT ALL THE ERRORS |
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Post by thefullmoon on Jan 4, 2017 12:06:46 GMT -5
[/quote]
I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks and the same again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when and will go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be. I willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense?[/quote]
Was it 6 weeks of baby making?
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 4, 2017 12:17:48 GMT -5
I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks and the same again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when and will go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be. I willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks goes by and the same will happen again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when sex happens and will only go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be no willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? RE WRITTEN WITHOUT ALL THE ERRORS How about the next time she's sticking your hand down her panties, you remove it say you aren't in the mood tonight and two can play that game! |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 12:41:51 GMT -5
I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks goes by and the same will happen again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when sex happens and will only go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be no willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? RE WRITTEN WITHOUT ALL THE ERRORS How about the next time she's sticking your hand down her panties, you remove it say you aren't in the mood tonight and two can play that game! I love the idea of that but 6 weeks dry for me is like being starved of food for 6 weeks and then being presented with roast dinner of your choice. Do you eat or do you make yourself continue to starve? Of course the obvious answer is teach her a lesson, get your own back and reject her back but it is a very difficult thing to actually do. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 4, 2017 12:51:17 GMT -5
I disagree with some of what you say. I leave it 6 weeks and when I get in to bed she is the one stuffing my hand down her knickers like some sex crazed person. It's definitely not that she has no sex drive and it's not a necessary evil. Another 6 weeks goes by and the same will happen again. It's simply like she can't help but want to be in total control of where and when sex happens and will only go for it when groin is already on fire. There seems to be no willingness to go to bed and use foreplay to light the fire, she'd rather just wait weeks for her groin to set its own fire if that makes sense? RE WRITTEN WITHOUT ALL THE ERRORS How about the next time she's sticking your hand down her panties, you remove it say you aren't in the mood tonight and two can play that game! On that same track, do what ever chores she has trained you to do (thanklessly) and do half of the job. Leave the dish washer open, the trash bag at the front door, her wet clothes piled on her side of the bed, soap drying all over her car, etc... and tell her your just not in the mood. What was that old story of the H who took his wife shopping for all those expensive clothes and jewelry, and then when he got to the register he tells his wife, "you know I just don't see the need for it, it's really not that important, my back hurts I'm tired, lets go." |
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 4, 2017 13:21:56 GMT -5
How about the next time she's sticking your hand down her panties, you remove it say you aren't in the mood tonight and two can play that game! I love the idea of that but 6 weeks dry for me is like being starved of food for 6 weeks and then being presented with roast dinner of your choice. Do you eat or do you make yourself continue to starve? Of course the obvious answer is teach her a lesson, get your own back and reject her back but it is a very difficult thing to actually do. Maybe it's just me but let me relate a story from my childhood: My younger brother was the sweet baby golden child star athlete. We both did something wrong fighting with each other but it was really more the blame of my brother, so when my father came home from work he said because he didn't want to punish my brother - "I can punish both of you or neither one of you" and I was pissed about what my brother did to me so I said "fine then punish us both". So I was locked in my room for no good reason but I made my point. I understand your point completely but it gets to a point where why does he only get sex when she wants it?! She needs a taste of her own medicine. In fact if it were me I'd leave the room as well, watch some porn and have the loudest screaming orgasm without her. But that's me! |
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Post by rejected101 on Jan 4, 2017 13:32:30 GMT -5
I love the idea of that but 6 weeks dry for me is like being starved of food for 6 weeks and then being presented with roast dinner of your choice. Do you eat or do you make yourself continue to starve? Of course the obvious answer is teach her a lesson, get your own back and reject her back but it is a very difficult thing to actually do. Maybe it's just me but let me relate a story from my childhood: My younger brother was the sweet baby golden child star athlete. We both did something wrong fighting with each other but it was really more the blame of my brother, so when my father came home from work he said because he didn't want to punish my brother - "I can punish both of you or neither one of you" and I was pissed about what my brother did to me so I said "fine then punish us both". So I was locked in my room for no good reason but I made my point. I understand your point completely but it gets to a point where why does he only get sex when she wants it?! She needs a taste of her own medicine. In fact if it were me I'd leave the room as well, watch some porn and have the loudest screaming orgasm without her. But that's me! Sounds good to me. Especially the screaming orgasm bit. Well I can assure you that it is something I'm working on. At the very least I've begun making myself more unavailable to her and I will get to a point where I swat her hand away like she has mine over the years. |
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