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Post by shamwow on Dec 28, 2016 14:16:35 GMT -5
I get better looking every day. I am also a legend in my own mind  Now this is what we're talking about  It's all about the confidence, baby (justified or not)! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 28, 2016 14:17:26 GMT -5
Now this is what we're talking about It's all about the confidence, baby (justified or not)! Fake it til ya make it baby |
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Post by lyn on Dec 29, 2016 2:14:03 GMT -5
I get better looking every day. I am also a legend in my own mind Now this is what we're talking about Exactly!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2016 12:28:19 GMT -5
Wow. Thank you for all the options. I am waiting for a therapist appointment. The reason cheating wont happen for me is because i feel like if my husband doesnot desire me who will. Lets see what my therapist says. I am definitely looking at depression pills also.  Hey, I thought the same thing: that nobody would ever want me again. Here I am, one year out of my SM and almost 4 years since I joined the original ILIASM group - and at least 3 men have wanted me. And, I am short, over 50, and need to lose about 20 pounds. So, clearly, anything is possible. Now, out of those 3 men, I did not want 2 of them. But that does not change the fact that they wanted me. Boners don't lie. |
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Post by darktippedrose on Dec 29, 2016 17:47:25 GMT -5
I would also like to add, that in addition to therapy, working on your self - esteem and confidence is vital. No confidence can trap you in a bad relationship. It seems stupid and lame, but working on your self-esteem can really help.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2016 18:22:39 GMT -5
It's amazing everyone who comes here for the first time ALWAYS starts off with what a wonderful person their spouse is then adds the but .......
Coming in with that mindset you are saying this is my fault not theirs (they are wonderful after all) As people stay around that facade starts to fall away because you realize wonderful people don't hurt and manipulate those they are supposed to love.
The next step is usually how do I make them want me again. Sadly there are no answers you can't use tips to change then.
There is much good information here and I think it is more about personal growth and support than anything else - good luck
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Post by confused100 on Dec 30, 2016 16:58:05 GMT -5
Today it was made clear :
1. not attracted anymore towards me
2. keeps thinking what if he does not get an erection or climax early ( I think this is bullshit reason, but I am not a guy so I don't know)
3. feels trapped with a wife who questions and expects too much
4. feels like having an affair to satisfy him self
5. still wants to work on this marriage
yes, I am hurt confused angry and feel like shit.
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Post by baza on Dec 30, 2016 17:12:12 GMT -5
Ok.
He's said his piece - convoluted and contradictory as it is - but he has at least opened the door.
The next move is down to you.
He "still wants to work on this marriage".
Do you ? (there seems to be little evidence of him doing any "work" on the marriage up to this point. That load seems to have been left entirely to you)
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 30, 2016 17:36:04 GMT -5
Today it was made clear : 1. not attracted anymore towards me 2. keeps thinking what if he does not get an erection or climax early ( I think this is bullshit reason, but I am not a guy so I don't know) 3. feels trapped with a wife who questions and expects too much 4. feels like having an affair to satisfy him self 5. still wants to work on this marriage yes, I am hurt confused angry and feel like shit. "Which one of these is not like the others?" Why? Why does he want to "work on the marriage" in the face of his first 4 points? What part of the marriage is he wanting to keep?? May I suggest #5 is not as it appears? And it really should read something like "Wants to have his cake and eat it too." Or "Does not want to act married, but doesn't want the effects of a divorce." I agree with baza -- his statements don't hold water. Not only that, but he doesn't even want to try. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 30, 2016 19:27:18 GMT -5
After hearing #1 - I would thank him for his honesty and tell him we are done here. Focus on yourself and the future for the rest of your life and whatever way you want that to look like.
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Post by nancyb on Dec 30, 2016 19:35:57 GMT -5
"Do not think for a second that another man will not want you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, personality goes a long way too. There's nothing sexier than a willing partner!" Truth. |
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 30, 2016 20:14:19 GMT -5
Wow. Thank you for all the options. I am waiting for a therapist appointment. The reason cheating wont happen for me is because i feel like if my husband doesnot desire me who will. Lets see what my therapist says. I am definitely looking at depression pills also. Boners don't lie. No we don't. |
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 30, 2016 20:28:11 GMT -5
Today it was made clear : 1. not attracted anymore towards me 2. keeps thinking what if he does not get an erection or climax early ( I think this is bullshit reason, but I am not a guy so I don't know) 3. feels trapped with a wife who questions and expects too much 4. feels like having an affair to satisfy him self 5. still wants to work on this marriage yes, I am hurt confused angry and feel like shit. Welcome to the place no one wants to be. I'm no expert. I'm not even smart. (Or tall, but that's not the point) Please forgive me for saying so but your H is a piece of shit. If he isn't attracted to you, can't get a hard on, feels trapped, why does he want to work on the marriage? What ARE you doing that would HE would want to stay? Laundry? Dishes? Dusting? If he wants an affair to "satisfy himself" do you get to have one also? Why isn't he worried about his soft dick in that situation? Let me just state -for the record- you can feel anyway you want to, that's your right, but the fact that you didn't stab the piece of shit shows me you are a good person. Just saying. You deserve a hell of a lot better than him. |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 30, 2016 21:52:37 GMT -5
Today it was made clear : 1. not attracted anymore towards me 2. keeps thinking what if he does not get an erection or climax early ( I think this is bullshit reason, but I am not a guy so I don't know) 3. feels trapped with a wife who questions and expects too much 4. feels like having an affair to satisfy him self 5. still wants to work on this marriage yes, I am hurt confused angry and feel like shit. I am a guy but I've never had to worry about climaxing early if I can't get an erection. Chicken and egg thing so call Bullshit. If he isn't attracted to you I'm sorry to hear that. But at least you know where you stand with him and can figure out things accordingly. In this I envy you. |
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Post by csl on Dec 31, 2016 0:11:47 GMT -5
Of course they do. Some guys would shag a greased knothole. Doesn't mean they want a long term relationship with the plank. |
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