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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 9:13:17 GMT -5
OK, I haven't been here long but I already know I'll be quickly surpassed here, but I just got up and thought I'd share.
So I spent night at in-laws last night (we all get along great). When here my wife and I sleep in my nephew's double size bed and managed not to touch each other all night. I get a mere honorable mention since my side was against the wall and could just stick to my side. However, my wife wins the prize for hanging her body halfway over her side of the bed all night. All that effort to maintain almost a full foot of body separation between us.
It could not have been comfortable to maintain that position all night and I believe some recognition is in order. Bravo, honey, bravo!
Anyone else have a special subtle (or not so subtle) "I can't stand you" Christmas miracle to tell?
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 26, 2016 10:02:01 GMT -5
There really should be some Guinness record category for refusers when it comes to the ability to balance along the edge of the mattress for entire periods of sleep. My X (when she still shared the bed with me) could do this feat night after night. I was always surprised to find her perfectly aligned along the edge in exactly the same spot and position when she went to sleep. Perhaps there is an anatomic response the body makes when one becomes a refuser before entirely leaving the marriage bed.
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 26, 2016 10:22:44 GMT -5
When we travel alone, she will book a room with two queen sized beds, and we sleep in separate beds. When we travel with one of the kids, we book a room with two queen sized beds, and my wife is forced to sleep in the same bed with me. She sleeps with her head at the foot of the bed and hanging off the edge all night. I sprawl out to fill all available space. One time I woke up to find her sleeping in the chair, another time she was sleeping on the floor. My nighttime erections must have spooked her.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 10:25:55 GMT -5
It's actually amazing how well they can pull off that balancing act. I mean that sincerely. Fortunately at home we have a king size where she can maintain a comfortable 3 feet of separation without having to resort to such desperate gymnastics.
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 26, 2016 11:05:07 GMT -5
It's actually amazing how well they can pull off that balancing act. I mean that sincerely. Fortunately at home we have a king size where she can maintain a comfortable 3 feet of separation without having to resort to such desperate gymnastics. We have a king sized bed too, always have, but she chooses to sleep in another room and has for much of the past nineteen (yes, 19) years, except for brief periods of time where I forced the issue. Even then most mornings I'd wake up to an empty bed and find her asleep in the guest room. Many years ago a married couple who we were good friends with were over our house, and the other wife mentioned she doesn't know why they have a king sized bed since they spoon all night in the center of this huge bed. Then I said "Wow! That sounds awesome! I'm jealous!" and mentioned the fact that my wife chooses to sleep in separate rooms. The wife from the other couple was shocked and said "Wait? How do you have sex if you sleep in separate beds?" Then she looked at my wife and said "Do you have sex with him and leave the room to sleep? That seems so cold!" My wife simply said "No", then I said "No, we rarely have sex either!" Our female friend looked at me with the most shocked and puzzled look on her face. My wife responded "That's not true! He's exaggerating as usual. We wouldn't have two kids if we didn't have sex." Our friend said "Well, that just means you've had sex at least twice! We have sex more than that every week!" and she hugged her husband and gave him a kiss. Then my wife changed the subject. The other wife had a puzzled look on her face for the remainder of the evening. They haven't been invited back since. We met them a few years ago for drinks with some other friends and the other wife gave me a great big hug and whispered in my ear "I'm surprised you hung in there this long. You have the patience of a Saint!" I whispered back "I will be paroled soon. I'll finally be free when the boys go off to college!" She placed both hands on my cheeks, gave me a big kiss on the lips, and said "Good for you! You deserve to be happy!" |
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Post by ggold on Dec 26, 2016 11:13:40 GMT -5
OK, I haven't been here long but I already know I'll be quickly surpassed here, but I just got up and thought I'd share. So I spent night at in-laws last night (we all get along great). When here my wife and I sleep in my nephew's double size bed and managed not to touch each other all night. I get a mere honorable mention since my side was against the wall and could just stick to my side. However, my wife wins the prize for hanging her body halfway over her side of the bed all night. All that effort to maintain almost a full foot of body separation between us. It could not have been comfortable to maintain that position all night and I believe some recognition is in order. Bravo, honey, bravo! Anyone else have a special subtle (or not so subtle) "I can't stand you" Christmas miracle to tell? Omg. Yes Bravo!!! I have to give a lot of you credit for even still sleeping in the same bed with your refusers. My H and I haven't slept together in the same bed for years! His bed Is the couch. I have the king bed all to myself. Sad thing is, my children think this is normal. They have never really seen us sleeping together. I tell them it's because daddy snores. Some role models we are, huh? |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 11:41:05 GMT -5
I think that if she were to sleep elsewhere it would be a public display of the problem. That is to be avoided at all costs from her perspective. She prefers to bury her head in the sand.
My bed is comfortable. Her presence makes it uncomfortable but not enough to endure a shitty night sleep until I can take more permanent action.
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Post by ggold on Dec 26, 2016 12:33:15 GMT -5
I think that if she were to sleep elsewhere it would be a public display of the problem. That is to be avoided at all costs from her perspective. She prefers to bury her head in the sand. My bed is comfortable. Her presence makes it uncomfortable but not enough to endure a shitty night sleep until I can take more permanent action. Do you have kids? |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 26, 2016 12:35:13 GMT -5
Two kids. One girl (16) and a boy (almost 13). They are the only reason I'm still around.
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Post by thefullmoon on Dec 26, 2016 13:08:02 GMT -5
OK, I haven't been here long but I already know I'll be quickly surpassed here, but I just got up and thought I'd share. So I spent night at in-laws last night (we all get along great). When here my wife and I sleep in my nephew's double size bed and managed not to touch each other all night. I get a mere honorable mention since my side was against the wall and could just stick to my side. However, my wife wins the prize for hanging her body halfway over her side of the bed all night. All that effort to maintain almost a full foot of body separation between us. It could not have been comfortable to maintain that position all night and I believe some recognition is in order. Bravo, honey, bravo! Anyone else have a special subtle (or not so subtle) "I can't stand you" Christmas miracle to tell? Omg. Yes Bravo!!! I have to give a lot of you credit for even still sleeping in the same bed with your refusers. My H and I haven't slept together in the same bed for years! His bed Is the couch. I have the king bed all to myself. Sad thing is, my children think this is normal. They have never really seen us sleeping together. I tell them it's because daddy snores. Some role models we are, huh? What the credits for? I found it is so masochistic ...clinging to the person who pushes you away all the time.. |
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Post by ggold on Dec 26, 2016 13:38:37 GMT -5
Omg. Yes Bravo!!! I have to give a lot of you credit for even still sleeping in the same bed with your refusers. My H and I haven't slept together in the same bed for years! His bed Is the couch. I have the king bed all to myself. Sad thing is, my children think this is normal. They have never really seen us sleeping together. I tell them it's because daddy snores. Some role models we are, huh? What the credits for? I found it is so masochistic ...clinging to the person who pushes you away all the time.. Idk. Credit for maybe trying to keep a sense of "normalcy" for kids? I just know it's something I cannot do. Even for my kids sake. Everyone handles this SM crap differently. No judgement from me. |
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Post by ggold on Dec 26, 2016 13:45:33 GMT -5
Two kids. One girl (16) and a boy (almost 13). They are the only reason I'm still around. You are not alone with staying for the kids. Mine are 13, 9, and 4. I have remained in this marriage for them as well. I can no longer. I am hoping they will one day understand and they will adapt to a different way of living. We both love them and will do all we can to help them through the transition. My H and I have our first real mediation session in January. Please send me some positive vibes so that I can move forward!! I know I have to. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 26, 2016 14:19:00 GMT -5
My ex slept on the couch except when his parents visited then he came to bed for the charade. He slept on one side I slept on the other. He always put pillows between us and one time he said "make sure you stay on your side of the bed". I stayed for the kids too and other financial reasons. Finally I couldn't take the rejection any longer and I had to leave.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 26, 2016 14:52:10 GMT -5
I bought a book for myself (my Christmas present to me) that I just started reading.
Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex. Protect Your Child from Alienation and Loyalty Conflicts. by Amy Baker PhD.
I'll let you know how it is.
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Post by brian on Dec 26, 2016 18:00:45 GMT -5
When we visit relatives, my wife sleeps with our youngest (11). He still likes "cuddle time" every now and then. He gets way more of her attention than I have for years. I didn't buy myself a present this year... still too chicken to open up a sex toy in front of the kids.  ) I tell my wife at least once a week that I am searching for a lover. It shouldn't be a surprise when I find someone. |
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