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Post by solodriver on Dec 24, 2016 13:57:31 GMT -5
I won't pretend that I'm not sad & a little bit lonely. My inner Caris wants me to wallow & feel sorry for myself all alone today. My inner logician knows that when I bought myself a pair of emerald earrings this year, I did wish some handsome man was the one who bought them for me. I do not regret leaving. I do not fear being alone forever, because I figure I won't be. But I am mostly alone right now, this morning. I'll go to some meetings today & visit the stepkids too. But I'll be alone to go to sleep tonight. And I'll wake up alone tomorrow. And do you know something? It does hurt some. And yet - I do not regret or fear this. I need this. The universe will not give me more than I can take. Growth hurts & I'm growing some today. I love you guys & gals! I feel really lucky to have found you all who have helped me so much at times, laugh with me, & listen to me. I am so grateful to know I could just hop on here & share this soul-baring post & not even worry that you may not get it - you DO get it. I know you do. Happy merry everything 🎄 We all know the feeling Goddess, even if we are still living in our SM. I am grateful for everyone here and for you, who shares with us what is happening with you as you blaze trail ahead of us. Merry Christmas my dear friend!
Hugs - SD 
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 24, 2016 13:59:54 GMT -5
I landed on the island of misfit toys. My misfit, a trusting, loving heart and soul. Well maybe Santa will take me away to someone who wants that for Christmas. Maybe ILIASM is the island of misfit toys. I get this strange vision of a too small "travel size " vibrator. |
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Post by southerngirl on Dec 24, 2016 15:47:17 GMT -5
I won't pretend that I'm not sad & a little bit lonely. My inner Caris wants me to wallow & feel sorry for myself all alone today. My inner logician knows that when I bought myself a pair of emerald earrings this year, I did wish some handsome man was the one who bought them for me. I do not regret leaving. I do not fear being alone forever, because I figure I won't be. But I am mostly alone right now, this morning. I'll go to some meetings today & visit the stepkids too. But I'll be alone to go to sleep tonight. And I'll wake up alone tomorrow. And do you know something? It does hurt some. And yet - I do not regret or fear this. I need this. The universe will not give me more than I can take. Growth hurts & I'm growing some today. I love you guys & gals! I feel really lucky to have found you all who have helped me so much at times, laugh with me, & listen to me. I am so grateful to know I could just hop on here & share this soul-baring post & not even worry that you may not get it - you DO get it. I know you do. Happy merry everything 🎄 Hugs to you. I feel the emptiness. But I just want to point out that being lonely alone is much better than being lonely with someone else. It may seem odd, but I suggest you celebrate the fact that you don't have to be lonely with someone ever again. I'm sitting in my house with everyone in their own rooms, watching their own tvs, fixing their own meals, etc. Tomorrow we'll spend with family pretending to be happy, then we all go back to our own rooms. I'd give anything to have the house all to myself and be able to come and go when I please, watch - or don't watch whatever I please. Sleep when I want to, where I want to, and for as long as I want to. Eat what and when I want and nobody asking me to do anything for them. sigh....... I do know that lonely sucks. But I kinda wish I were lonely alone. |
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 24, 2016 16:07:13 GMT -5
True. I am alone now on Christmas eve. I don't feel very cheerful but I also don't feel as sad and lonely as in the past years. With all the tension and argunents.
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 24, 2016 16:18:10 GMT -5
I'd rather live in an empty house, than together in a house, with an empty spouse!
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 24, 2016 16:59:48 GMT -5
Friends - I do agree and as I left the apartment after sharing that last post, I went to my meeting where I could cry (only a little) and get hugs (quite a lot) and I reflected that I had that other layer to also be grateful for: the fact that I was lonely AND ALONE is far better than 2 christmases ago when I was lonely with my Ex in the same space.
I then proceeded to send text to the 2 stepdaughters & got no quick reply. Eventually, SD2 (the one with hubby & granddaughter here) wrote back and I went over and visited. It was TOTALLY GOOD. Even the Ex coming upstairs and his visiting with me - he did what he could and it made it peaceful and normal to sit around, scratching their dog, hugs from the baby girl - no tears at all. I have to say: that went SO much better than I had expected it to.
Well anyway - I will stay busy most of the day and some of the evening. If I stay after the late meeting, to visit, then I'll be so tired by the time I get back to go to bed alone - that it will probably be okay. And I have less alone time tomorrow morning than I had today -- so I really don't expect another "uninvited pity party" tomorrow.
But - I am so glad I can hop on this site and share, knowing that you are such an understanding, accepting, and supportive group. I love you guys!!!! And of course by "guys" I mean ALL of you!!!
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Post by solodriver on Dec 24, 2016 17:59:00 GMT -5
I'll never look at my goats milk feta quite the same... Just get some green food coloring and you got it made 
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Post by solodriver on Dec 24, 2016 18:03:48 GMT -5
Happy holidays, my SM peeps. ggold , hang in there, sweetie. You got this. I propose next year, we all go to shamwow 's house. If not for the assploding goat, for the wine, hot tub and pot brownies. I'm so fucking stressed this time of year, I need to chill. He will need an Olympic sized hot tub for all of us to go to his place
Pot brownies, wine and hot tubing, the night sounds very promising
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Post by solodriver on Dec 24, 2016 18:09:45 GMT -5
I'd rather live in an empty house, than together in a house, with an empty spouse! I think there is a Dr Suess rhyme or book in the making there my friend!
Call it "Spouse in the House"
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