|
|
Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 9:21:55 GMT -5
Vaginitis is more common in sexually active women. . In most cases it requires medication to clear up. Also, non sexual women can get it also. ( to much bacteria etc.) HOWEVER...... I'm 48 and never heard of a woman getting Laser Surgery for vaginitis. Never-ever. Just my two cents worth.... Can you go in stages, starting with your lingual muscle to try to relax her. It probably hurts when her body is tense and worried. It amazes me how women can be so flexible in videos. I had never heard of it either, but that was only after I started to question things 10 years in, and I had the internet as a resource to research with. |
|
|
|
Post by JMX on Dec 21, 2016 9:23:24 GMT -5
Laser surgery is not treatment a for vaginitis. Antibiotics are. It would be unlikely to be suffering from an inflammation of the vagina for 20 years my friend. I'd call bullshit. That was my understanding, too. But it's not like I'm not going to bust into the gyno's office and demand the truth. As a typical guy, the stuff that happens in that office is a mystery I would just as soon not understand. It was only many years later that I was able to look a lot of this stuff up online and begin to realize I've been played for a fool by the person I trusted most. It wasn't a very pretty realization. Hmm... why not go to the OBGYN? Maybe I am a weird-o, but if it affects a major part of my life with my husband - I would expect him to attend the appointment with me. If for no other reason then to get info and discuss potential work-arounds. I assume you were there for the births of your children - after that, mystery is dead in that department. Furthermore, keeping the health and well being of a woman's "lady parts" a mystery, may also work against your knowledge of pleasing them? I don't say that to be mean, just curious why it has to be a mystery and why you wouldn't want to understand it? Also - did they have laser surgery that long ago? Was that not experimental back then? |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 9:29:36 GMT -5
I'm assuming you aren't religious, but I am going to recommend you read Paul Coughlin's No More Christian Nice Guy. You apparently suffer from the well-known nice guy affliction Doormatitis. Yeah, there are probably other books about this, but I don't know if their remedies aren't disposed to turning a Doomat into a Douche. Talked with Wife and she says you've been fed a line of bull for a long, long time. Insist on seeing documentation or going with her to the doctor. Just as a lead-in, you might suggest researching and gathering information for a malpractice suit against the doctor who botched the laser surgery. I'm thinking that talk like that could start your wife crawfishing, trying to spin a new line; if so, you've got your way clear to shaking up the status quo at your house. Not religious (thank God...pun intended). I believe the dormatitis diagnosis is probably on target. One other interesting fact is that she is the only woman I've ever slept with. I made it all the way through college without getting laid. The reason for that is that during college I was religious. That conviction ended towards the end of college, but I met my wife within a year after getting out of school. In all honestly, I think some more experience with women (for the good and for the bad) might have led me to a different choice. Other than the kids and our address we really don't have anything in common. As for a malpractice suit against the doctor, that's water under the bridge. Hell, for all I know the procedure wasn't botched and she uses that as an excuse to withhold (which is what I suspect). I understand it could be used as an approach to get her to come out with the truth, but I've come to the realization I will never really know the truth on that particular subject. I'm in the early stages of planning my exit. The only thing that has kept me there as long as I've been there is (spoiler alert), the kids. The reason for "pursuing a libel suit" is to call her bluff, her lie. If she's been lying about the laser therapy then she can't even consider a suit for a procedure that was never performed... |
|
|
|
Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 21, 2016 10:14:38 GMT -5
I only recently had my first case of vaginitis. Yes, I think a chlorinated spring (particularly that is public) could either disrupt her pH or introduce bacteria that required treatment. 5 days of metronidazole is all it took to fix mine. I need to make sure I stay pH-balanced (fresh fruit, lots of veggies, regular healthy eating regimen, watch the sugar).
She may have had vaginitis. That does not, so far as I have EVER heard, require lasers for anything.
"several layers of skin" sounds more like Endometriosis. This can be painful. It can also be treated.
I think her story, like all good fabrications, includes pieces of fact embellished with anything she thinks sounds good and will be enough of a pity/excuse to get you off her back, or - off her lady parts.
I'm with JMX on - go to the GYN with her. This is somewhat a lost cause, now, and would only delay exit planning, so not really worth pursuing. But if a "fix" was on the agenda, then attending a GYN visit with her to discuss current state of physical well-being, and pursue either hormonal or exercise to decrease pain, etc - if there IS a physical cause, you would be welcomed into the conversation on fixing it.
The fact that her main tactic has been avoidance of fixing it - just putting up with "it comes & goes" - that says she has the arrangement that she wants and she doesn't want a fix.
I think she has lied. I think she was also pretty good at it.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 21, 2016 10:16:54 GMT -5
First- welcome. Second- No need for apologies here. Maybe it is a bit dark and bitter because you feel a bit dark and bitter. No hiding in the shadows and pretending here. We are talking about it openly. For me personally, it is very freeing to take the mask off in this space. If you have questions, there are many people here in your exact (or almost exact) shoes, so ask away! And I am with LEXUS46 on the laser surgery. Something doesn't add up there. I had laser surgery for some abnormal cells and I want to say they said not to have sex for 3-4 weeks. But none of that matters at this point. Even if penetration were completely out of the question, for medical reasons, there are other ways to be intimate. From reading some of your other posts, it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into your exit plan so in that respect, you are way ahead of most of us when we arrive here! Thanks for the support. The lack of intimacy is actually worse than the lack of sex (although that sucks ass too!). I signed up for "in sickness and in health" among other things and truly meant it. There are a lot of people (many of them here) who have situations worse than I can even imagine. I am grateful for what I have. However, that lack of intimacy causes me to question everything else in the relationship and weakens it accordingly. It is as though for 20 years, we have been building a brick house without the mortar of intimacy (of which sex is the most obvious manifestation). When the strong storms of life hit, the walls begin to tumble one by one. So while it wasn't any one storm that has turned our house into rubble, it is the cumulative effect that has taken its toll. To the outside world, our house may appear strong, but it is one bad storm from collapsing from within. My wife is a good person. She is a great mother. She is a decent roommate. But she is a shitty wife. I can get by with the first three for a time (in my case a decade or so), but not forever. "My wife is a good person" really?, really? "a great mother" really?. A good person respects others, and treats them the way they want to be treated. The person, mother, roommate, is all part of the outside fakebook image that keeps her going. The wife part....well now we are getting to the truth. Don't overlook what a horrible example she has given your children of how a wife treats a husband. That is not being a good mother. That is damage they are going to have to overcome in there own marriages decades from now, 100% odds that her manipulative controlling personality carries through with the kids. I remind you of this because its good to hear it again, backed by others. No intimacy leads to no respect. No respect leads to no trust. No trust leads to no communication. No communication leads to a divorce. Time for her to come down from her pedestal and learn to treat others equally. shrink4men.com/2012/04/05/putting-women-on-pedestals-dont-do-it/Enjoy Christmas friend. Share your wonderful self with others. Pay for someones groceries today, bring in your neighbors trash can, whatever makes you happy. Enjoy the holiday and start preparing for the battle ahead, with hope for years of a fulfilling life ahead free from the chains of a controller. |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 10:37:57 GMT -5
Words you will never hear because it would mean instant divorce, something she does not want. She has what she wants, you don't...
"I'm not very interested in you physically. That's not why I married you..."
It's a harsh world we live in here. It's softened by the manipulative BS from our refuses
|
|
|
|
Post by wom360 on Dec 21, 2016 10:41:17 GMT -5
vaginismus
vaginosis
vaginitis
Posts on this thread seem to e confusing these medical conditions. Some of the posts, including from the op seem to refer to the first even though he called it the 3rd. None of them are treated with lasers. That's just silly.
|
|
|
|
Post by csl on Dec 21, 2016 12:13:14 GMT -5
Ooo, you've touched upon the Librarian's Golden Rule Corollary. I was so proud of myself for 'discovering' it.
As we all know, the Golden Rule say "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My thinking is this -
a) the Golden Rule is so ubiquitous in our society (it's even taught in the public schools untethered from its religious roots), then everyone knows the Golden Rule.
b) since everyone knows the Golden Rule is the basis for good interaction between people,
c) the way your spouse treats you demonstrates how they want you to treat them.
Hence, the Librarian's Golden Rule Corollary, "The way your spouse is treating you is how they want to be treated."
You're welcome.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 12:27:29 GMT -5
Brother you have been lied to and manipulated for 20, excuse me, 19 1/2 years.
The only question is "how long will it go on?"
Time for some truth in your marriage.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2016 13:21:35 GMT -5
shamwow, it's bullshit. My refuser cited medical problems. As time went on and things between us got worse, he became more and more reluctant to involve me in things like meeting his doctor. Coincidence? I think not.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 14:51:00 GMT -5
I only recently had my first case of vaginitis. Yes, I think a chlorinated spring (particularly that is public) could either disrupt her pH or introduce bacteria that required treatment. 5 days of metronidazole is all it took to fix mine. I need to make sure I stay pH-balanced (fresh fruit, lots of veggies, regular healthy eating regimen, watch the sugar). She may have had vaginitis. That does not, so far as I have EVER heard, require lasers for anything. "several layers of skin" sounds more like Endometriosis. This can be painful. It can also be treated. I think her story, like all good fabrications, includes pieces of fact embellished with anything she thinks sounds good and will be enough of a pity/excuse to get you off her back, or - off her lady parts. I'm with JMX on - go to the GYN with her. This is somewhat a lost cause, now, and would only delay exit planning, so not really worth pursuing. But if a "fix" was on the agenda, then attending a GYN visit with her to discuss current state of physical well-being, and pursue either hormonal or exercise to decrease pain, etc - if there IS a physical cause, you would be welcomed into the conversation on fixing it. The fact that her main tactic has been avoidance of fixing it - just putting up with "it comes & goes" - that says she has the arrangement that she wants and she doesn't want a fix. I think she has lied. I think she was also pretty good at it. GeekGoddess, It's possible you are right on the Endometriosis. When this was going on, my main concern was what is typical when a loved one is diagnosed with something: "Is it serious, and is there treatment?" When I heard the answer was "no" on both counts, I pretty much knew everything I needed to know. I was discouraged from going to the GYN, and in truth, as long as it was being "taken care of," I didn't do much more than provide moral support. In hindsight, I should have been more involved, but that's water under the bridge now. And since I wasn't there, I don't know what was said. It's possible that what she said she had was Endometriosis and it isn't like I wrote it down. On the laser surgery, though, I am sure of that. Something like that has a tendency to stick in your head more than the medical terms. But I agree that her story is just about perfect from a refuser's perspective: She has medical condition that her husband is uncomfortable asking about that only she can tell if it is acting up or not. Maybe it even does hurt some, but it does give her all the control. Like you said...the perfect arrangement...until it blows up in her face. Excellent feedback...thanks! |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 15:26:33 GMT -5
I've suggested before: the refusers have all the control in the relationship. shamwow, your last paragraph is a perfect example. We the refused have one and only one recourse under our control: to leave. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 15:36:05 GMT -5
Words you will never hear because it would mean instant divorce, something she does not want. She has what she wants, you don't... "I'm not very interested in you physically. That's not why I married you..." It's a harsh world we live in here. It's softened by the manipulative BS from our refuses My dad is the only family member I've discussed this with. He loves my wife, but summed it up pretty well. "So, son, you're an ATM machine" |
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 15:37:27 GMT -5
That's correct. Same as me, just an ATM machine. Until I left.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 16:14:00 GMT -5
That's correct. Same as me, just an ATM machine. Until I left. Yeah, it hurt when he said it, but the truth often does. |
|
