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Post by shamwow on Dec 20, 2016 22:53:34 GMT -5
So this one isn't necessarily just for the ladies her, but since you've got the "parts" you may be able to shine some additional light, so to speak. My wife and I had an awesome sex life prior to getting married 19 1/2 years ago. We were like bunnies. We did it indoors, outdoors, BJs behind the garden department, Greeting me when I got home from work wearing nothing but plastic wrap and a coat, handcuffs, etc...quite nice. On our honeymoon, we went to Steamboat Springs. There, they have hot springs (duh) that are open to the public. They are also open after-hours when clothing is optional. Please note, this is not some kind of Czech swingers orgy, just people skinny dipping. The springs were also chlorinated. Apparently, on this trip, she contracted vaginitis. I had no idea what that was, but it required some sort of laser surgery in her lady parts that kinda burned off a couple layers of skin down there (ouch). Now, I'm a guy. The stuff that happens at the lady doctor may as well be Mayan sun god incantations. This is also back before the internet was quite as well developed so it isn't like I could hit Web MD and do research. After this, sex was painful and she never wanted to have it...kinda. Sometimes it wasn't as painful and she seemed to enjoy it. Oddly enough, that was when she wanted to make babies. After the babies were made, the pain came roaring back. I consider myself a decent guy, but for almost 2 decades I've wanted to scream "bullshit" about this for a couple reasons: - We were pretty sexually active back then. Could she have gotten something from someone else and just said it was this?
- It's an amazing coincidence that sex is enjoyable when it's time to make babies and absolute agony any other time.
- It's damn convenient to have a "medical condition" you can say is on and off that is something more serious than "I have a headache" or "I'm not in the mood"
- She knows that deep down I was raised to be a decent guy and am not going to force the issue if it "hurts." Kind of playing off the "in sickness and health" portion of the wedding vows.
- This is also something you can't bitch about even if you wanted to since you look like a complete unfeeling sex-crazed douchebag if you do.
Oh, and she hasn't said the words "I love you" unprompted in 11 years (actually 13 years ago is the last time I clearly remember), but I only started counting 11 years ago, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not a doctor, but I didn't realize that the vagina was directly connected to the heart and vocal cords.
So I guess the question here is: Does anyone else want to scream "bullshit?" Or is this all in my head?
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Post by wom360 on Dec 20, 2016 23:21:11 GMT -5
Ya it's bullshit. But none of that matters unless you're willing to do something about it.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 0:03:11 GMT -5
BTW, re-reading my post, it sounds a bit dark and bitter.
That's probably because this is the root of my SM and it's been eating at me for 20 years now. That has a way of changing you, and not in a good way. I've always had the feeling that unraveling some of this ball of string in my head would go a long way toward completing my journey on the path to acceptance (regardless of if/when I exit).
This is just the first place I've ever found where people are talking about this so openly. These are questions I've always wanted to ask and never been able to.
But, again, sorry about the tone.
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Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 0:34:33 GMT -5
I'm not a lady, nor am I an OB/Gyn. But I can tell you for sure that you are at the end of a long line of people here whose spouses managed to fuck their way to a wedding and then bailed out at the honeymoon. Or thereabouts. Except, of course, when it came time for that final commitment, in the form of that ultimate ball and chain (AKA children).
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Post by lwoetin on Dec 21, 2016 1:32:22 GMT -5
Can you go in stages, starting with your lingual muscle to try to relax her. It probably hurts when her body is tense and worried. It amazes me how women can be so flexible in videos.
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Post by becca on Dec 21, 2016 2:21:48 GMT -5
BTW, re-reading my post, it sounds a bit dark and bitter. That's probably because this is the root of my SM and it's been eating at me for 20 years now. That has a way of changing you, and not in a good way. I've always had the feeling that unraveling some of this ball of string in my head would go a long way toward completing my journey on the path to acceptance (regardless of if/when I exit). This is just the first place I've ever found where people are talking about this so openly. These are questions I've always wanted to ask and never been able to. But, again, sorry about the tone. First- welcome. Second- No need for apologies here. Maybe it is a bit dark and bitter because you feel a bit dark and bitter. No hiding in the shadows and pretending here. We are talking about it openly. For me personally, it is very freeing to take the mask off in this space. If you have questions, there are many people here in your exact (or almost exact) shoes, so ask away! And I am with LEXUS46 on the laser surgery. Something doesn't add up there. I had laser surgery for some abnormal cells and I want to say they said not to have sex for 3-4 weeks. But none of that matters at this point. Even if penetration were completely out of the question, for medical reasons, there are other ways to be intimate. From reading some of your other posts, it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into your exit plan so in that respect, you are way ahead of most of us when we arrive here! |
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Post by nancyb on Dec 21, 2016 6:13:58 GMT -5
Laser surgery is not treatment a for vaginitis. Antibiotics are. It would be unlikely to be suffering from an inflammation of the vagina for 20 years my friend. I'd call bullshit.
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Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 8:48:41 GMT -5
Can you go in stages, starting with your lingual muscle to try to relax her. It probably hurts when her body is tense and worried. It amazes me how women can be so flexible in videos. Not only do we try that, it is always the first thing (other than making out) we do (or did, that is). I'm a gentleman, and always ensured she got hers before I got mine. If oral wasn't enough to "finish the job," we always had toys. Granted, it didn't work every time, but that's why they call it the art of making love and not the science of it. And if I wasn't able to get mine afterwards, that was just the way it is. I know after I have an orgasm, I'm relaxed as hell. I would just figure it would be the same with her, but without being a woman myself, it is impossible for me to know. |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 8:52:20 GMT -5
Laser surgery is not treatment a for vaginitis. Antibiotics are. It would be unlikely to be suffering from an inflammation of the vagina for 20 years my friend. I'd call bullshit. That was my understanding, too. But it's not like I'm not going to bust into the gyno's office and demand the truth. As a typical guy, the stuff that happens in that office is a mystery I would just as soon not understand. It was only many years later that I was able to look a lot of this stuff up online and begin to realize I've been played for a fool by the person I trusted most. It wasn't a very pretty realization. |
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Post by csl on Dec 21, 2016 9:00:07 GMT -5
I'm assuming you aren't religious, but I am going to recommend you read Paul Coughlin's No More Christian Nice Guy. You apparently suffer from the well-known nice guy affliction Doormatitis. Yeah, there are probably other books about this, but I don't know if their remedies aren't disposed to turning a Doomat into a Douche.
Talked with Wife and she says you've been fed a line of bull for a long, long time. Insist on seeing documentation or going with her to the doctor. Just as a lead-in, you might suggest researching and gathering information for a malpractice suit against the doctor who botched the laser surgery. I'm thinking that talk like that could start your wife crawfishing, trying to spin a new line; if so, you've got your way clear to shaking up the status quo at your house.
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 21, 2016 9:06:22 GMT -5
There are different types of vaginitis. It is possible to become chronicle but it can be treated. I have no idea how effective that is but I am pretty sure that with good treatments intercourse should be possible without pain.
Ad as sad before, even if intercourse truly is painful, there are plenty of other ways to be intimate.
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Post by beachguy on Dec 21, 2016 9:07:57 GMT -5
... begin to realize I've been played for a fool by the person I trusted most. It wasn't a very pretty realization. Lifting your head above the FOG is never pretty. We've all been there. |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 9:08:58 GMT -5
BTW, re-reading my post, it sounds a bit dark and bitter. That's probably because this is the root of my SM and it's been eating at me for 20 years now. That has a way of changing you, and not in a good way. I've always had the feeling that unraveling some of this ball of string in my head would go a long way toward completing my journey on the path to acceptance (regardless of if/when I exit). This is just the first place I've ever found where people are talking about this so openly. These are questions I've always wanted to ask and never been able to. But, again, sorry about the tone. First- welcome. Second- No need for apologies here. Maybe it is a bit dark and bitter because you feel a bit dark and bitter. No hiding in the shadows and pretending here. We are talking about it openly. For me personally, it is very freeing to take the mask off in this space. If you have questions, there are many people here in your exact (or almost exact) shoes, so ask away! And I am with LEXUS46 on the laser surgery. Something doesn't add up there. I had laser surgery for some abnormal cells and I want to say they said not to have sex for 3-4 weeks. But none of that matters at this point. Even if penetration were completely out of the question, for medical reasons, there are other ways to be intimate. From reading some of your other posts, it sounds like you have put a lot of thought into your exit plan so in that respect, you are way ahead of most of us when we arrive here! Thanks for the support. The lack of intimacy is actually worse than the lack of sex (although that sucks ass too!). I signed up for "in sickness and in health" among other things and truly meant it. There are a lot of people (many of them here) who have situations worse than I can even imagine. I am grateful for what I have. However, that lack of intimacy causes me to question everything else in the relationship and weakens it accordingly. It is as though for 20 years, we have been building a brick house without the mortar of intimacy (of which sex is the most obvious manifestation). When the strong storms of life hit, the walls begin to tumble one by one. So while it wasn't any one storm that has turned our house into rubble, it is the cumulative effect that has taken its toll. To the outside world, our house may appear strong, but it is one bad storm from collapsing from within. My wife is a good person. She is a great mother. She is a decent roommate. But she is a shitty wife. I can get by with the first three for a time (in my case a decade or so), but not forever. |
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Post by csl on Dec 21, 2016 9:16:00 GMT -5
I get the "in sickness and in health" bit; what I am not so clear on is the "lie, deceive, and defraud" clause that was added to the Covenantal vow. How does a unilateral action of defrauding not negate the vow?
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Post by shamwow on Dec 21, 2016 9:16:36 GMT -5
I'm assuming you aren't religious, but I am going to recommend you read Paul Coughlin's No More Christian Nice Guy. You apparently suffer from the well-known nice guy affliction Doormatitis. Yeah, there are probably other books about this, but I don't know if their remedies aren't disposed to turning a Doomat into a Douche. Talked with Wife and she says you've been fed a line of bull for a long, long time. Insist on seeing documentation or going with her to the doctor. Just as a lead-in, you might suggest researching and gathering information for a malpractice suit against the doctor who botched the laser surgery. I'm thinking that talk like that could start your wife crawfishing, trying to spin a new line; if so, you've got your way clear to shaking up the status quo at your house. Not religious (thank God...pun intended). I believe the dormatitis diagnosis is probably on target. One other interesting fact is that she is the only woman I've ever slept with. I made it all the way through college without getting laid. The reason for that is that during college I was religious. That conviction ended towards the end of college, but I met my wife within a year after getting out of school. In all honestly, I think some more experience with women (for the good and for the bad) might have led me to a different choice. Other than the kids and our address we really don't have anything in common. As for a malpractice suit against the doctor, that's water under the bridge. Hell, for all I know the procedure wasn't botched and she uses that as an excuse to withhold (which is what I suspect). I understand it could be used as an approach to get her to come out with the truth, but I've come to the realization I will never really know the truth on that particular subject. I'm in the early stages of planning my exit. The only thing that has kept me there as long as I've been there is (spoiler alert), the kids. |
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