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Post by tamara68 on Dec 24, 2016 13:58:40 GMT -5
Your landlord sounds like a refuser! No one asked her to get involved with your relationship! Jeesh!!! Being a landlord myself I have had situations where tenants need leeway, time, or lower rent. My contracts are written so that these things may occur with my "option " to impose penalties, late fees. I never do that. It's not needed. Make your offer, just speak money. If it's rejected, try to feel content that you went above and beyond to reach a fair agreement. The rest falls on the shoulders of your stubborn X. I have never met the landlord, everything is handled via the estate agent and now with a lawyer. I will ask my lawyer what he thinks about negotiating with the landlord. |
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 24, 2016 14:03:42 GMT -5
tamara68 - I like the idea of paying half. You two adults are the ones on the lease. In a 50/50 fair split, half of the rent could or would be fairly considered your responsibility. If you think the divorce split would be more like 65/35 then I could see you paying 65% of the 3 months owed. Does he have ANY assets? I can't remember now. If he has any money, then he needs to let loose of SOME of it to help cover his own living expenses. Being generous is not rewarded in the settlements, a lot of times. I have a few regrets over how much generosity I showed in my leaving & splitting things up. It's not financially the way it ought to have been for me. I am not "broke" though and so I work on accepting that the speed to get out was the more important thing. I could see offering 65-67% of the 3 months (for your part + daughter's part). It could maybe buy enough time to get to the next hearing? stbx doesn't have any assets. everything we had together is used now. A new complication is that he has inquired about social welfare, but they say he is not entitled for that because we have not been living in Belgium long enough to have that right. So, there are only 3 options now. He needs to find a job quickly or he goes to the Netherlands - living with his dad and ask for social welfare there. Or I provide everything from my inheritance. Naturally he prefers the last option. I am not willing to pay for a long time anyway if I am not obligated to do so. |
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 24, 2016 14:06:24 GMT -5
tamara68 Whatever you do, make sure the judge doesn't consider this abandonment on your part. I don't recall the full details, but if the primary earner moves out, stops paying the bills, and doesn't continue providing financial support, that would be considered abandonment in most jurisdictions barring any other significant circumstances. yes that is important. But easy to prevent from happening. stbx has accused me of abandonment right away after I had left. But according to Belgian law it is not abandonment unless there has been a verdict from a judge about alimony. And if that alimony is not paid for at least 2 months. So far there is no verdict and of course I will pay what I have to pay. |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 24, 2016 14:58:05 GMT -5
tamara68, there is much about him that defies logic. Like, why a (presumably) able-bodied man is not gainfully employed. And he prefers to paint himself as a martyr rather than "man up" and provide for himself? That's pretty sad, at best. Then to drag your daughter down with him. He is truly cutting off his nose to spite his face.
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 24, 2016 16:11:19 GMT -5
tamara68, there is much about him that defies logic. Like, why a (presumably) able-bodied man is not gainfully employed. And he prefers to paint himself as a martyr rather than "man up" and provide for himself? That's pretty sad, at best. Then to drag your daughter down with him. He is truly cutting off his nose to spite his face. Absolutely true. He is always the martyr. And the only one who is manning up, is me  He is sad and I feel sad about him too. He is always making things more difficult than necessary. |
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Post by obobfla on Dec 24, 2016 16:53:23 GMT -5
Sounds like his actions speak for themselves. Plus, he is moving your daughter to another country! If you are the one gainfully employed in Belgium, there should be no question as to who has custody of the daughter. I mean, does she really want to change schools, let alone countries?
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 24, 2016 17:53:11 GMT -5
tamara68, obobfla raises an interesting point. He should need your permission to take her out of the country, especially during a disputed divorce. Definitely something to discuss with your lawyer, though I'm sure he'd love to embellish about how you stripped him of access to his daughter (ignoring the fact that it was he that moved away from her). Among other things, crossing borders places him and her outside the jurisdiction of the court and strips you of parental rights. You're probably more savvy about international issues than I am, but that'd have me concerned. He could mire you in red tape and legal costs dealing with custody internationally.
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Post by sweetplumeria on Dec 25, 2016 0:45:24 GMT -5
According to my lawyer next week is still early enough to do anything about payments.
I find it very difficult to know what is best to do.[/quote]
If you do pay it, I think you can ask your lawyer to draw up an agreement with the homeowner that after this payment you are no longer responsible and want your name taken off any legal obligations. So your in the clear from that point forward.
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 25, 2016 13:58:59 GMT -5
Sounds like his actions speak for themselves. Plus, he is moving your daughter to another country! If you are the one gainfully employed in Belgium, there should be no question as to who has custody of the daughter. I mean, does she really want to change schools, let alone countries? She doesn't want that but according to stbx she prefers that over staying with me |
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 25, 2016 14:01:01 GMT -5
tamara68 , obobfla raises an interesting point. He should need your permission to take her out of the country, especially during a disputed divorce. Definitely something to discuss with your lawyer, though I'm sure he'd love to embellish about how you stripped him of access to his daughter (ignoring the fact that it was he that moved away from her). Among other things, crossing borders places him and her outside the jurisdiction of the court and strips you of parental rights. You're probably more savvy about international issues than I am, but that'd have me concerned. He could mire you in red tape and legal costs dealing with custody internationally. Yes I have been thinking about that too. Will discuss that with my lawyer and also with youth care. Belgium and the Netherlands do cooperate on a lot of things. Also in matters like this as far as I know. |
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 25, 2016 14:03:24 GMT -5
sweetplumeria the landlord has made clear that both of us will stay responsible, not likely that the contract is going to be changed to only my husbands name. That is also not possible without his consent.
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Post by tamara68 on Dec 25, 2016 14:34:28 GMT -5
Stbx has sent a Christmas wish today with biblical texts.
"Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests."
- Luke 2:14
"Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,."
- Acts 3:19
"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed."
- Proverbs 11:25
It annoys me enormously. He knows I don't believe in God and the bible. But since he saw it coming that I would leave him, he suddenly turned to this again and uses God to give his lectures to me a little more power from above. Constantly nagging about being a good Christian.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 25, 2016 14:48:01 GMT -5
Stbx has sent a Christmas wish today with biblical texts. "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." - Luke 2:14 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,." - Acts 3:19 "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." - Proverbs 11:25 It annoys me enormously. He knows I don't believe in God and the bible. But since he saw it coming that I would leave him, he suddenly turned to this again and uses God to give his lectures to me a little more power from above. Constantly nagging about being a good Christian. He's all about the mind games isn't he Tamara. Let him do his worst. You are a stronger soul than he is xxx |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 25, 2016 15:40:25 GMT -5
She doesn't want that but according to stbx she prefers that over staying with me Yeah, but of course you certainly can't trust hearing that from him. Or even straight from her, because he's very probably tainted her reality. Based on his behavior, you *know* he's twisted the facts to paint you in the worst light. I think it'd take a long discussion with a trusted 3rd party before she opened up with her true thoughts. And even at 16 kids will not make the objectively wise choice. Take their input, sure. Blindly leave the decision to them when they won't/can't consider all the implications? Save that for when the consequences are more tolerable. Remember that you're her mother first, her friend second - more than she, *you* have the maturity to evaluate the situation and decide what's best for her, independent of what's "easy" for either of you. Make the right decision for her (e.g., staying in the same school, with a parent that has an income), and don't worry so much that she does or doesn't like it. For example, 12 months from now is the timing for her to apply to universities. What are the odds that she will not have a significant drop in performance by being socially uprooted and dropped into a different school system? Never mind that she's at an age that would benefit from some strong parental guidance as she transitions to independence. Give serious thought to whether you or he are better suited to give her that guidance. At a selfish level, I don't see it ending well for your relationship with her if you allow him to relocate her to another country. You will end up with very little visitation time, and this only gets harder as she becomes an adult with other interests. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 25, 2016 16:32:08 GMT -5
Stbx has sent a Christmas wish today with biblical texts. "Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests." - Luke 2:14 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,." - Acts 3:19 "A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." - Proverbs 11:25 It annoys me enormously. He knows I don't believe in God and the bible. But since he saw it coming that I would leave him, he suddenly turned to this again and uses God to give his lectures to me a little more power from above. Constantly nagging about being a good Christian. Today is the day for good news and great Joy! All those scripture references apply to you , in your favor! Gods favor rests with you, acting against your STBX prideful ,knowingly harmful acts. You have behaved far more Christ like in a manor that has been far to forgiving , kind, giving, gracious, loving, for far to long. We are all sinners, all it takes is the faith the size of a mustard seed to be accepted by God. It's a free gift, your welcome to take it. You are a generous person! You are prospering, and you are refreshing others, and will continue to for the rest of your life! Your STBX is the one who needs to stop being a false believer, (his actions prove that) and apply these truths in his own life. He needs to remove the log from his own eye, and not worry about the speck in yours! He strongly reminds me of the Sadducee's, and pharisees that Jesus rebuked against the strongest. |
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