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Post by nealbtheman on Dec 15, 2016 16:51:55 GMT -5
So my refuser is not far from menopause, a few months away from turning 50, periods every other month for a while, now skipped about 3 months. And I actually had the thought, "HEY!! Maybe she will have a normal sex drive if she gets hormone replacement therapy" followed by.. "How desperate am I to be so hopeful that she will have a bad menopause experience and need external hormones to be normal." We have a wonderful life together these 20+ years except for the every other month "I take pity on you/are you done yet" sex we've had since the beginning. With 20 years of refusals and avoidance in between. She could care less about getting medically evaluated for low libido, and I grab at straws that finally a doctor might accidentally fix it with extra hormones. Then my heart sinks that women everywhere get a lower libido after menopause. Like my window of sexual happiness is closing. I'm not angry. But the total loss of my sex life in the near future makes me think I need to take some action.  |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 15, 2016 17:19:39 GMT -5
So my refuser is not far from menopause, a few months away from turning 50, periods every other month for a while, now skipped about 3 months. And I actually had the thought, "HEY!! Maybe she will have a normal sex drive if she gets hormone replacement therapy" followed by.. "How desperate am I to be so hopeful that she will have a bad menopause experience and need external hormones to be normal." We have a wonderful life together these 20+ years except for the every other month "I take pity on you/are you done yet" sex we've had since the beginning. With 20 years of refusals and avoidance in between. She could care less about getting medically evaluated for low libido, and I grab at straws that finally a doctor might accidentally fix it with extra hormones. Then my heart sinks that women everywhere get a lower libido after menopause. Like my window of sexual happiness is closing. I'm not angry. But the total loss of my sex life in the near future makes me think I need to take some action. Hmmm. I hope your experience is better than mine. My partner told me that she was starting menopause at around 35 (about 15 years ago), and to my knowledge has never been even willing to ask her doctor about testing her hormone levels. It seems to me that you have the same issue with your partner as i do, ie, her lack of willingness to address what she doesn't see as an issue. Maybe if the doctor insists on hormone testing? |
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Post by ggold on Dec 15, 2016 17:29:45 GMT -5
So my refuser is not far from menopause, a few months away from turning 50, periods every other month for a while, now skipped about 3 months. And I actually had the thought, "HEY!! Maybe she will have a normal sex drive if she gets hormone replacement therapy" followed by.. "How desperate am I to be so hopeful that she will have a bad menopause experience and need external hormones to be normal." We have a wonderful life together these 20+ years except for the every other month "I take pity on you/are you done yet" sex we've had since the beginning. With 20 years of refusals and avoidance in between. She could care less about getting medically evaluated for low libido, and I grab at straws that finally a doctor might accidentally fix it with extra hormones. Then my heart sinks that women everywhere get a lower libido after menopause. Like my window of sexual happiness is closing. I'm not angry. But the total loss of my sex life in the near future makes me think I need to take some action. No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 15, 2016 17:48:04 GMT -5
So my refuser is not far from menopause, a few months away from turning 50, periods every other month for a while, now skipped about 3 months. And I actually had the thought, "HEY!! Maybe she will have a normal sex drive if she gets hormone replacement therapy" followed by.. "How desperate am I to be so hopeful that she will have a bad menopause experience and need external hormones to be normal." We have a wonderful life together these 20+ years except for the every other month "I take pity on you/are you done yet" sex we've had since the beginning. With 20 years of refusals and avoidance in between. She could care less about getting medically evaluated for low libido, and I grab at straws that finally a doctor might accidentally fix it with extra hormones. Then my heart sinks that women everywhere get a lower libido after menopause. Like my window of sexual happiness is closing. I'm not angry. But the total loss of my sex life in the near future makes me think I need to take some action. No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! I suspect that women that get through menopause with a sex drive had a healthy drive before. I've never heard of an effectively asexual woman magically regaining a sex drive she never had or hasn't had since her wedding day... But correct me if I'm wrong. |
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Post by nancyb on Dec 15, 2016 18:16:37 GMT -5
No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! I suspect that women that get through menopause with a sex drive had a healthy drive before. I've never heard of an effectively asexual woman magically regaining a sex drive she never had or hasn't had since her wedding day... But correct me if I'm wrong. Hormone replacement therapy is not a panacea for the female sex drive. Sorry to burst the bubble. If you are horny before menopause you will be afterwards. If you are asexual before menopause you will be afterwards. |
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Post by nancyb on Dec 15, 2016 18:17:16 GMT -5
Sorry that was just a general observation not directed towards anyone.  |
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Post by ggold on Dec 15, 2016 18:31:39 GMT -5
No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! I suspect that women that get through menopause with a sex drive had a healthy drive before. I've never heard of an effectively asexual woman magically regaining a sex drive she never had or hasn't had since her wedding day... But correct me if I'm wrong. Menopause can kill a healthy sex drive, no doubt!!! However, if a woman and her partner have a strong relationship they will make it through. I had a healthy drive YEARS ago and my SM killed it. I've since explored my sexuality and realize that yes, I still have it!! Unfortunately, if you are dealing with an asexual partner there is no magic cure. She is not going to change. She is who she is. Can you accept this or move on? This is such a difficult choice. :-( |
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 15, 2016 18:44:46 GMT -5
There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! Like unicorns and leprechauns, I'll believe it when I see it!  |
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Post by ggold on Dec 15, 2016 18:46:51 GMT -5
There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! Like unicorns and leprechauns, I'll believe it when I see it! I know several!!!!  |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 15, 2016 18:49:12 GMT -5
No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! I suspect that women that get through menopause with a sex drive had a healthy drive before. I've never heard of an effectively asexual woman magically regaining a sex drive she never had or hasn't had since her wedding day... But correct me if I'm wrong. Nope. Not wrong. |
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Post by JonDoe on Dec 15, 2016 19:16:57 GMT -5
Like unicorns and leprechauns, I'll believe it when I see it! I know several!!!! Care to share any helpful hints to finding one of these beautiful, elusive creatures?  |
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Post by baza on Dec 15, 2016 21:03:03 GMT -5
There is a 20+ year history of pity sex, doled out on average at 6 times a year.
There is no history of her ever being interested in a mutually rewarding sexual relationship in the past, nor now.
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Draw your own conclusion concerning the realistic chances of some sort of change to the situation.
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Where you say - "I need to take some action' - what are you actually prepared to do at this time ?
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Post by solodriver on Dec 16, 2016 1:05:22 GMT -5
So my refuser is not far from menopause, a few months away from turning 50, periods every other month for a while, now skipped about 3 months. And I actually had the thought, "HEY!! Maybe she will have a normal sex drive if she gets hormone replacement therapy" followed by.. "How desperate am I to be so hopeful that she will have a bad menopause experience and need external hormones to be normal." We have a wonderful life together these 20+ years except for the every other month "I take pity on you/are you done yet" sex we've had since the beginning. With 20 years of refusals and avoidance in between. She could care less about getting medically evaluated for low libido, and I grab at straws that finally a doctor might accidentally fix it with extra hormones. Then my heart sinks that women everywhere get a lower libido after menopause. Like my window of sexual happiness is closing. I'm not angry. But the total loss of my sex life in the near future makes me think I need to take some action. No, no!!!! Not every woman going through perimenopause experiences low libido!! In fact, my libido has increased since the start of my changes. I am also taking Lexapro and that is also supposed to decrease drive. Not for me!! There are other women here who will tell you that they still have a drive even when going through changes!! Don't give up hope!! There are women out there who want it!! Believe me!!!! And I'm so looking forward to running into one of those women
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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 16, 2016 1:46:08 GMT -5
I ran across an article about an agonizing disorder that affects some women after menopause. It's called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD). It may sound wonderful, but from what I understand it isn't something you want for your wife. en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_genital_arousal_disorderPlease guys. Don't make a joke out of this. For some women it is so horrible that they have committed suicide. Sometimes something that should be pleasurable can cross the line to extreme pain. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Dec 16, 2016 11:43:13 GMT -5
Menopause was I believe a large part of the reason for the demise of my X's libido. She was also diagnosed(her MD) as having mild depression, although why she would be depressed is anyone's guess. She has a good job, is well compensated, traveled when ever and where ever she wanted and had a husband that loved and cared about her. When I suggested she consider HRT she flatly refused, saying she took enough pills already for high blood pressure and cholesterol. So even if there is a possible treatment available there is no guarantee she will pursue it. The reality is that if she doesn't care about intimacy with you she probably doesn't really love you and is fine with a platonic relationship. There isn't much you can do about that unless you are willing to end the marriage. And even that might not be enough to bring her around. It wasn't for my X.
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