The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most

nancyb
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 21:28:36 GMT -5 tamara68, cagedtiger, and 3 more like this

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Post by nancyb on Dec 13, 2016 21:28:36 GMT -5

Friends: Thank you so much for all of your support. I am free from the confines of my sham marriage. FYI I didn't publicly humiliate because to do so would only further embarrass me. I did place it on his pillow to greet him when he came home.

I feel a wee bit guilty having contributed to the education of innumerable folks to male masturbatory aids.

cagedtiger
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 21:45:46 GMT -5 via Tapatalk bballgirl, tamara68, and 2 more like this

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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 13, 2016 21:45:46 GMT -5

Dec 13, 2016 21:28:36 GMT -5 nancyb said:

Friends: Thank you so much for all of your support. I am free from the confines of my sham marriage. FYI I didn't publicly humiliate because to do so would only further embarrass me. I did place it on his pillow to greet him when he came home.

I feel a wee bit guilty having contributed to the education of innumerable folks to male masturbatory aids.

That's awesome!

And to be fair, this isn't the first time the Fleshlight had been mentioned here- I posted a *cough* review after getting an Adam and Eve gift card from friends for my birthday for the sole purpose of buying myself one.

lyn
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 21:49:28 GMT -5 via mobile DryCreek, bballgirl, and 3 more like this

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Post by lyn on Dec 13, 2016 21:49:28 GMT -5

Dec 13, 2016 15:22:48 GMT -5 ggold said:

Dec 13, 2016 14:00:27 GMT -5 cagedtiger said:

How much her actions don't match up with her words, especially her words in counseling out in public settings, and how much she doesn't seem to realize she's doing it.

Yes CT!!! His actions most certainly don't match his words. Saying I love you and showing it are two different things. I still cannot grasp that all of these years he has known how I felt about our lack of intimacy/sex life and just IGNORED it. So many think he's the best catch. Women if you want a man who DOES work hard, who provides for his family, who is a good father, who wants to portray the perfect image of a family BUT who WILL NOT fuck you or be intimate with you in any way, shape or form...I have the perfect guy for you!

I feel so duped!!!!

This😖 This is EXACTLY where I'm at too. I'm sorry this is you too @ggold. Dude, WE WERE DUPED!!!! Sometimes I think the fact that he KNOWS how I feel - how I've FELT for all of these years and has done absolutely nada to fix it is almost worse than the forced celibacy. I dunno - don't get it at all.

Complete ambivalence is my New Year's Resolution -

JonDoe
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 23:29:11 GMT -5 bballgirl, lyn, and 2 more like this

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Post by JonDoe on Dec 13, 2016 23:29:11 GMT -5

Dec 13, 2016 12:06:36 GMT -5 bballgirl said:

Dec 13, 2016 11:56:48 GMT -5 csl said:

Oh Hayel no! That should have gone up in flames on the Webber grill on the front lawn during rush hour! After having called the family together for a public hanging.

(Okay, maybe I over-react sometimes. Gotta cut back to one cup in the morning.)

Juice some jalapeño peppers and rub the inside of it with the juice.
Then talk about sexual things but very subtle, go to sleep early so he can get down to the basement.
I say put his dick up in flames!

IcyHot

Success is a few simple disciplines, practiced every day, while failure is simply a few errors in judgment, repeated every day.
A victim mentality ensures you are always the victim. A victor mentality gives you a fighting chance at survival.

bballgirl
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 23:33:10 GMT -5 via mobile

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Post by bballgirl on Dec 13, 2016 23:33:10 GMT -5

Dec 13, 2016 23:29:11 GMT -5 JonDoe said:

Dec 13, 2016 12:06:36 GMT -5 bballgirl said:

Juice some jalapeño peppers and rub the inside of it with the juice.
Then talk about sexual things but very subtle, go to sleep early so he can get down to the basement.
I say put his dick up in flames!

IcyHot

Brilliant!

nancyb Senior Members Posts: 765 Age Range: 56-60	The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 13, 2016 23:49:54 GMT -5 greatcoastal, bballgirl, and 1 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by nancyb on Dec 13, 2016 23:49:54 GMT -5 LOL you two are diabolical but I love it.

ggold
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 14, 2016 20:43:29 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, greatcoastal, and 6 more like this

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Post by ggold on Dec 14, 2016 20:43:29 GMT -5

Dec 13, 2016 21:49:28 GMT -5 lyn said:

Dec 13, 2016 15:22:48 GMT -5 ggold said:

Yes CT!!! His actions most certainly don't match his words. Saying I love you and showing it are two different things. I still cannot grasp that all of these years he has known how I felt about our lack of intimacy/sex life and just IGNORED it. So many think he's the best catch. Women if you want a man who DOES work hard, who provides for his family, who is a good father, who wants to portray the perfect image of a family BUT who WILL NOT fuck you or be intimate with you in any way, shape or form...I have the perfect guy for you!

I feel so duped!!!!

This😖 This is EXACTLY where I'm at too. I'm sorry this is you too @ggold. Dude, WE WERE DUPED!!!! Sometimes I think the fact that he KNOWS how I feel - how I've FELT for all of these years and has done absolutely nada to fix it is almost worse than the forced celibacy. I dunno - don't get it at all.

Complete ambivalence is my New Year's Resolution -

Oh lyn, we have been so deceived!!! I agree. Sounds like we BOTH have H's that have ignored our feelings for many years. What the fuck? Is this love??? Hell no!! If my husband would have communicated what was going on with him through the years, MAYBE we could have had a chance. Lyn, I was only 24 when I got married. He was 30. Our sex life declined after about 2-3 years. I TRIED to reach out to him. I spoke the words, I wrote him letters, he said he would change. I always say, I was young and hopeful. Life continued on. I wanted children. He was a good man. My feelings for him went up and down like a roller coaster. I'd be good with no sex/intimacy for a few years, then it would get to me. I'd cry, reach out to him, write him letters again....still nothing changed. The cycle continued. I got myself back into therapy to help me sort out my feelings about my marriage. It took me YEARS to realize I had to get out and it took a LOT of work on my part. I am determined to exit. We have our second divorce mediation session next month. Although I sometimes feel terrible that I am hurting him, I have to stay on track and move forward. I KNOW there is happiness for me in the near future. One step at a time....I will get there. I hope you will find it too!!! ((hugs))

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 14, 2016 21:32:50 GMT -5 via mobile novembercomingfire, ggold, and 3 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2016 21:32:50 GMT -5 We're friends. We can make plans and enjoy each other's company. That freaks me out.

nancyb
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 14, 2016 22:39:57 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, lwoetin, and 3 more like this

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Post by nancyb on Dec 14, 2016 22:39:57 GMT -5

Believe it or not andie I am still friends with my STBX. Up until 6 months ago I saw him as my best friend. It's has been difficult transition but I have a generous spirit.

That freaks me out a little too.

brian
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, novembercomingfire, and 2 more like this

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Post by brian on Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5

What freaks, or has freaked, me out?

-- That my refuser is PROUD of the fact that she has never had an orgasm. I'm sure it's a control thing, and she used to stop our love making before she "lost control"... should have left then. Now, I just don't see her as a sexual creature any longer, so I honestly don't care.

Honorable mentions:
-- She still makes sexual suggestions or outright offers when she is in a safe place (during business travel, for example) and she knows that there can't be any real delivery. She promised me a bathtub get together nearly weekly for almost 2 years, and she actually thought that I thought it might happen.
-- The only time we seemed to ever have sex were 1) when we were actively trying to make a baby; and 2) when she was drunk (1 in 10 chance) back when I actually believed we were a married couple
-- That she had the audacity to say, "Are we there yet?" after just a couple of minutes of sex during one of our "make a baby" phases.

Looking back on all of it, sex was a tool to achieve a goal (marriage, kids). Once those were achieved, sex is no longer necessary. Funny thing is that, without sex, the marriage will end and she will be alone.

beachguy
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 14, 2016 23:42:52 GMT -5 via Tapatalk GeekGoddess, greatcoastal, and 2 more like this

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Post by beachguy on Dec 14, 2016 23:42:52 GMT -5

Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5 brian said:

What freaks, or has freaked, me out?

-- That my refuser is PROUD of the fact that she has never had an orgasm. I'm sure it's a control thing, and she used to stop our love making before she "lost control"... should have left then. Now, I just don't see her as a sexual creature any longer, so I honestly don't care.

Honorable mentions:
-- She still makes sexual suggestions or outright offers when she is in a safe place (during business travel, for example) and she knows that there can't be any real delivery. She promised me a bathtub get together nearly weekly for almost 2 years, and she actually thought that I thought it might happen.
-- The only time we seemed to ever have sex were 1) when we were actively trying to make a baby; and 2) when she was drunk (1 in 10 chance) back when I actually believed we were a married couple
-- That she had the audacity to say, "Are we there yet?" after just a couple of minutes of sex during one of our "make a baby" phases.

Looking back on all of it, sex was a tool to achieve a goal (marriage, kids). Once those were achieved, sex is no longer necessary. Funny thing is that, without sex, the marriage will end and she will be alone.

You win. Not sure what the contest is. Doesn't matter. You win. The Wow Factor...

lyn
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 15, 2016 3:07:53 GMT -5 via mobile GeekGoddess, Vitruvius, and 2 more like this

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Post by lyn on Dec 15, 2016 3:07:53 GMT -5

Dec 14, 2016 20:43:29 GMT -5 ggold said:

Dec 13, 2016 21:49:28 GMT -5 lyn said:

This😖 This is EXACTLY where I'm at too. I'm sorry this is you too @ggold. Dude, WE WERE DUPED!!!! Sometimes I think the fact that he KNOWS how I feel - how I've FELT for all of these years and has done absolutely nada to fix it is almost worse than the forced celibacy. I dunno - don't get it at all.

Complete ambivalence is my New Year's Resolution -

Oh lyn, we have been so deceived!!! I agree. Sounds like we BOTH have H's that have ignored our feelings for many years. What the fuck? Is this love??? Hell no!! If my husband would have communicated what was going on with him through the years, MAYBE we could have had a chance. Lyn, I was only 24 when I got married. He was 30. Our sex life declined after about 2-3 years. I TRIED to reach out to him. I spoke the words, I wrote him letters, he said he would change. I always say, I was young and hopeful. Life continued on. I wanted children. He was a good man. My feelings for him went up and down like a roller coaster. I'd be good with no sex/intimacy for a few years, then it would get to me. I'd cry, reach out to him, write him letters again....still nothing changed. The cycle continued. I got myself back into therapy to help me sort out my feelings about my marriage. It took me YEARS to realize I had to get out and it took a LOT of work on my part. I am determined to exit. We have our second divorce mediation session next month. Although I sometimes feel terrible that I am hurting him, I have to stay on track and move forward. I KNOW there is happiness for me in the near future. One step at a time....I will get there. I hope you will find it too!!! ((hugs))

Aww @ggold thank you for your compassion - I'm so happy for you that you're finding the strength and courage to move forward with your exit! YOU are an inspiration to me! Today was a hard day - I slipped and revealed to my H that I'm getting my ducks in a row - he lost it..... no anger, but buckets of tears. At this point, yes, it was terrible to see this big 6'4 guy lose it like that, but, it's really just manipulating behavior on his part (sub-conscious or not). I simply don't buy the remorse or promises to change.

I feel like I've been on a damn roller coaster too - for years- and I want OFF!!!!!!! The letters, the talks, the walking on eggshells, the trying to be perfect - be everything..... I'm just DONE! If this doesn't make sense, I'm sorry, I'm just over-tired😉

xx
L

lyn
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 15, 2016 3:23:35 GMT -5 via mobile GeekGoddess and beachguy like this

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Post by lyn on Dec 15, 2016 3:23:35 GMT -5

Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5 brian said:

What freaks, or has freaked, me out?

-- That my refuser is PROUD of the fact that she has never had an orgasm. I'm sure it's a control thing, and she used to stop our love making before she "lost control"... should have left then. Now, I just don't see her as a sexual creature any longer, so I honestly don't care.

Honorable mentions:
-- She still makes sexual suggestions or outright offers when she is in a safe place (during business travel, for example) and she knows that there can't be any real delivery. She promised me a bathtub get together nearly weekly for almost 2 years, and she actually thought that I thought it might happen.
-- The only time we seemed to ever have sex were 1) when we were actively trying to make a baby; and 2) when she was drunk (1 in 10 chance) back when I actually believed we were a married couple
-- That she had the audacity to say, "Are we there yet?" after just a couple of minutes of sex during one of our "make a baby" phases.

Looking back on all of it, sex was a tool to achieve a goal (marriage, kids). Once those were achieved, sex is no longer necessary. Funny thing is that, without sex, the marriage will end and she will be alone.

Picking my jaw up off the ground on this one brian. Have never heard this one before. Is it a religious thing? Maybe deep-rooted Catholic shame/guilt? Whatever the cause or reason, you sure as hell don't deserve to be on the other end of that literally and/or figuratively.

I hope you find strength here - we hear you, we get you.

csl
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 15, 2016 4:59:55 GMT -5

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Post by csl on Dec 15, 2016 4:59:55 GMT -5

Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5 brian said:

Looking back on all of it, sex was a tool to achieve a goal (marriage, kids). Once those were achieved, sex is no longer necessary. Funny thing is that, without sex, the marriage will end and she will be alone.

I'm curious - that "marriage will end" part - is that something on the agenda, or a will o' the wisp?

I blog at curmudgeonlylibrarian.wordpress.com

brian
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The ONE thing about your SM that freaks/freaked you out most Dec 15, 2016 6:22:55 GMT -5 GeekGoddess, greatcoastal, and 1 more like this

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Post by brian on Dec 15, 2016 6:22:55 GMT -5

Dec 15, 2016 4:59:55 GMT -5 csl said:

Dec 14, 2016 23:12:17 GMT -5 brian said:

Looking back on all of it, sex was a tool to achieve a goal (marriage, kids). Once those were achieved, sex is no longer necessary. Funny thing is that, without sex, the marriage will end and she will be alone.

I'm curious - that "marriage will end" part - is that something on the agenda, or a will o' the wisp?

It's on the agenda, I just don't have an actual date. Lots of things need to be done there. A lot of moving pieces. I was ready to leave last year. Told myself I wasn't going to let another birthday go by in this ILIASM shithole, but I did, and things haven't improved. I hate myself for comparing our relationship to others in our family, but my FIL gets more sex with his girlfriend in a week than I do in a year, and my 17-yr-old son gets more "action" (even if it's not intercourse) than my wife has ever given me since we got married. I shouldn't be jealous, but I am, and it's starting to make me bitter. Wife tells me that she needs to feel a connection before we have sex and I need to do blah blah blah for an undetermined amount of time before she'll have sex with me. I know that it's her manipulation, but I'm not sure if she realizes yet that I don't buy it. As I said in my post, I no longer see her as a sexual being and am not interested in having sex with her because I know it would be duty/reset/starfish type sex that she will only tolerate for 5 minutes (or less) and then it's another year or more of barren wasteland.

In all honesty, it's the kids holding me back. It's not that I don't think they can handle a divorce, but getting all 4 of them off to college is a major financial undertaking that I don't want to jeopardize right now. That being said, I'm actively looking for a person that thinks sex is fun, pleasurable, and wants to have sex with me.