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Post by baza on Dec 19, 2016 1:59:57 GMT -5
If your ILIASM shithole has only caused your thinking to go haywire over one issue, you have probably gotten off lightly Sister JMX.
Usually, an ILIASM shithole spreads its' poisonous tentacles into various parts of ones persona over time.
Some of the damage is fixed pretty quick - after you've left.
Some of the damage is fixed with a bit of time and a different perspective.
But some of it is VERY deep seated and takes a loooong while to recover from.
And there is some of the shit you've absorbed that will be there for good, and you'll have to manage it.
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 19, 2016 2:59:12 GMT -5
If your ILIASM shithole has only caused your thinking to go haywire over one issue, you have probably gotten off lightly Sister JMX. Usually, an ILIASM shithole spreads its' poisonous tentacles into various parts of ones persona over time. Some of the damage is fixed pretty quick - after you've left. Some of the damage is fixed with a bit of time and a different perspective. But some of it is VERY deep seated and takes a loooong while to recover from. And there is some of the shit you've absorbed that will be there for good, and you'll have to manage it. OMG, HEED!! So devastatingly true |
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 19, 2016 4:59:41 GMT -5
Just had to deal with this shit.
Background: both on two week holiday break. 8 years zero sex. Several times I brought it up, several times she shut it down (and not exactly nicely - but with a host of criticisms and judgments). Right? Right.
So, while cleaning up from dinner, she says, "I'm going to start walking after dinner, I can't sit around all day, so if you want to go....." Of course I don't. I've got about a month until I tell her to shove off. But I use my cold air asthma as an excuse. Of course, like always (ALWAYS), she can't just accept that, she has to say something else. "It's fifty degrees out, I don't think that should bother your lungs." It's MY body, bitch! It just shows her nature and how fucking clueless she is about the state of things despite being TOLD directly several times before I gave up. So ten minutes later I'm coming back in from walking the dog and, in perfect timing, she's headed out. She sees me, sets her jaw, and rolls her head away as if I have urinated on the grave of her grandmother. I give a crisp wave, but she's already gone. Yet another 'disappointment' I have become.
How's this...... "Hey, I haven't had sex in 8 years, I'm kind of bored. I thought I might jerk off after dinner if you want to join me." SAME FUCKING THING.
AND THIS STUFF FREAKS ME OUT........and of course I'm the one that ends up feeling like shit.
Lord, get me OUT of here, FAST!
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 19, 2016 6:10:14 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom.
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Post by nancyb on Dec 19, 2016 6:24:02 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. You are in a particularly bad situation thebaffledking. I have been there, still there somedays. You will get through this and come out the other side. Believe me. As to your posts here I expect its your way of venting and getting thing off your chest and heart. I'm certainly not judging you. xo |
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Post by thebaffledking on Dec 19, 2016 6:31:02 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. You are in a particularly bad situation thebaffledking. I have been there, still there somedays. You will get through this and come out the other side. Believe me. As to your posts here I expect its your way of venting and getting thing off your chest and heart. I'm certainly not judging you. xo Thank you nancyb, you're a sweetheart |
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Post by brian on Dec 19, 2016 6:54:04 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. Vitriol? I just hear frustration. Stay the course. I'm in awe of those who have the courage to end the marriage. I'm trying to get there. I will get there. Eventually. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 19, 2016 7:36:45 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. No worries, we completely understand that it's tough and frustrating. You are almost to the finish line. Enjoy the holidays knowing that you are escaping! |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 19, 2016 9:01:00 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. No worries, we completely understand that it's tough and frustrating. You are almost to the finish line. Enjoy the holidays knowing that you are escaping! I find your vitriol perfectly valid and this forum is the right place to spill it so it can let some pressure off the teapot. One idea - though I "get" why you haven't gone here - try honesty? "No thanks, I'd rather not walk after dinner. I'll take care of the dog & just be back in" Her: but, but, but, whatever manipulation she tries. You: No. really. I just don't want to. I can tell that you want me to, or think I should. But I just don't want to. And that should be OK. I hope you enjoy it without me. I just don't want to & honestly, I haven't got to have a reason. If we can speak honestly & call the manipulation out into the open, it often makes them lessen their mind-game tactics. You're in a vacation & can do what you please. You don't use power games to get her to join in the activity you want (sex). She should let you be when she wants you to do some activities you don't want to do, too. It's only fair. But getting over the "justify our actions to others" mindfuck IS a hard one. So I encourage you to start now in whatever small ways you can. We do not need someone else to approve of our preferences. Our opinions are valid. To do what we want or not do what we don't want doesn't make us a good or a bad person & it's not up to another human to judge whether we are or not, anyway. She could say: it makes me feel "XYZ" that you don't want to spend time with me. And then you COULD have an honest conversation- but I don't think she will. That's too raw & honest. That she chooses to pressure to manipulate doesn't mean you need to engage in the same twisted games. You can "just say no" - and you do not, in fact, have to justify why. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2016 20:53:41 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. A lot of us have gotten pretty angry when we are right in the middle of our bad deal, and realizing how bad it is - and especially if we still have a lot of work ahead of us, in terms of making our escape. So, we are used to hearing things like this. I used to make some epic rants, back in the day. |
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Post by lyn on Dec 19, 2016 21:19:01 GMT -5
Ugh, I apologize gang. When I re-read my posts, they are so dripping with vitriol. Nobody needs that. I'm not a vulgar person. I'm just a guy at the very end of his rope.....and just ready to have this all behind me.....at least my announcement to her that it's over. The holidays are now just a last obstacle to freedom. You have every right to be beyond angry @thebaffleking! At least you keep your posts up - half of mine, if not more get deleted (by me) b cause some of them are so soaked in anger that I can't stand having them read. You're on your way - every piece of negativity she throws at you is just another nail in the coffin of your marriage. Sorry she's so mean to you.  |
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 19, 2016 21:23:23 GMT -5
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Post by obobfla on Dec 19, 2016 21:31:47 GMT -5
Coming home to this: [How long has it been like this? I am no neat freak, but this is bad! That's a sign of severe depression and a big denial of reality. |
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Post by lyn on Dec 19, 2016 21:39:16 GMT -5
What in the world was she doing!?! It sure does look like the after effects of a major manic episode. Could be a good time to do some donating - chances are she wouldn't miss a thing. Sorry cagedtiger, that is rough to say the least. |
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Post by obobfla on Dec 19, 2016 21:39:18 GMT -5
As to the original topic, let me just talk this past year.
I find my wife just sitting in the dark, not doing anything. She is not sleeping, not playing with the cats, not listening to music, and not using any digital device. She just sits. If I have the TV on, she avoids coming into the room. I want to think her health is improving, but she gets tired very easily and wants to do as little as possible. I am stuck doing most of the chores, even though she fixes most meals.
She says she is fine, just a little tired. If she is hearing voices again, she's not telling me. I have no idea if she is getting better, getting worse, or finding herself in a holding pattern where I get stuck doing most of the work.
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