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Post by eternaloptimism on Dec 18, 2016 15:03:18 GMT -5
Rhapsodee, perhaps one of those screens ladies used to change behind in the olden days when everything was black and white could mask the warzone, sorry, desk!
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Post by shamwow on Dec 18, 2016 15:44:43 GMT -5
I think the thing that freaks me out the most is that from an outsider's perspective I have a great marriage. If I exit, I will be the villain for ending it.
Sometimes I feel a bit like Leonidas in 300 when his soldiers were concerned that by meeting with the Persian king, they could kill him. To which he replied (paraphrase) "If they kill me, all of Sparta will go to war. Pray we are so lucky." In my case, I feel the same way about my wife. I pray that she would have a affair so that I won't have to be the bad guy.
Is that jacked up thinking, or what?
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 18, 2016 15:57:59 GMT -5
I think the thing that freaks me out the most is that from an outsider's perspective I have a great marriage. If I exit, I will be the villain for ending it. Sometimes I feel a bit like Leonidas in 300 when his soldiers were concerned that by meeting with the Persian king, they could kill him. To which he replied (paraphrase) "If they kill me, all of Sparta will go to war. Pray we are so lucky." In my case, I feel the same way about my wife. I pray that she would have a affair so that I won't have to be the bad guy. Is that jacked up thinking, or what? Not at all; my wife is the same way, except she's the one who's flat out told me a couple of times that she'd wished I'd had an affair, as it would be "easier on her." Do you really care about who's the bad guy or who blames who? Will your closest friends and family blame you, or will they understand? |
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Post by shamwow on Dec 18, 2016 16:09:31 GMT -5
I think the thing that freaks me out the most is that from an outsider's perspective I have a great marriage. If I exit, I will be the villain for ending it. Sometimes I feel a bit like Leonidas in 300 when his soldiers were concerned that by meeting with the Persian king, they could kill him. To which he replied (paraphrase) "If they kill me, all of Sparta will go to war. Pray we are so lucky." In my case, I feel the same way about my wife. I pray that she would have a affair so that I won't have to be the bad guy. Is that jacked up thinking, or what? Not at all; my wife is the same way, except she's the one who's flat out told me a couple of times that she'd wished I'd had an affair, as it would be "easier on her." Do you really care about who's the bad guy or who blames who? Will your closest friends and family blame you, or will they understand? For years, not being seen as the "bad guy" was hugely important to me. As time goes by, though, I give less and less of a crap about it. I think the one area I will continue to care about, though, is what my kids think of me. They are teens. They might understand, they might now. It is just a big gamble. I don't even need for her to be the "bad guy", I just don't want it to be me. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 18, 2016 17:12:04 GMT -5
I think the thing that freaks me out the most is that from an outsider's perspective I have a great marriage. If I exit, I will be the villain for ending it. Sometimes I feel a bit like Leonidas in 300 when his soldiers were concerned that by meeting with the Persian king, they could kill him. To which he replied (paraphrase) "If they kill me, all of Sparta will go to war. Pray we are so lucky." In my case, I feel the same way about my wife. I pray that she would have a affair so that I won't have to be the bad guy. Is that jacked up thinking, or what? I used to hope I'd catch my H in an affair. I even once had a dream he served me with divorce papers and then I realized if the marriage is going to end then it's up to me to do it. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 18, 2016 17:31:58 GMT -5
I think the thing that freaks me out the most is that from an outsider's perspective I have a great marriage. If I exit, I will be the villain for ending it. Sometimes I feel a bit like Leonidas in 300 when his soldiers were concerned that by meeting with the Persian king, they could kill him. To which he replied (paraphrase) "If they kill me, all of Sparta will go to war. Pray we are so lucky." In my case, I feel the same way about my wife. I pray that she would have a affair so that I won't have to be the bad guy. Is that jacked up thinking, or what? I used to hope I'd catch my H in an affair. I even once had a dream he served me with divorce papers and then I realized if the marriage is going to end then it's up to me to do it. It is still A surprise in my own mind, (to this day) that I was the one who filed. When the controller who is in charge of such life changing decisions, (slow and subtle as they are) doesn't do it, but me the passive one does, one FOG lifts and another one starts to roll in! Hopefully I have gained wisdom, and strength through my experience with the first FOG. The second one will pass quicker. You will be pleasantly surprised how irrelevant it is to many people. Also how many come out of there own shadow and tell you ,"I was divorced years ago, I filled." or, "My father filed when I was 8 yrs old, etc......" |
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Post by JMX on Dec 18, 2016 18:54:40 GMT -5
Certain things freak me out the most - and they're all in the same "realm". I am hyper-concerned with hygiene. I secretly think I must smell really, really terrible. I have even begged a couple of honest friends to PLEASE tell me if they ever get a whiff of anything at all that is "off" or doesn't smell like roses. I constantly put lotion on, brush my teeth 5x a day and chew cinnamon gum just in case. It's become an OCD obsession. I am also hyper-concerned with my weight or how I look in general. This needs no extra explanation.
And...
I sometimes wonder if I am a mentally and/or physically challenged person with abnormalities so abhorrent, that I am like an Elephant man and everyone around me is just trying to go out of their way to be nice to me out of charity. I wish that last thought was a joke, but I have to admit - I think it at least weekly.
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Post by JMX on Dec 18, 2016 18:56:27 GMT -5
Umm... shamwow - I sincerely love the name. It had to be said. |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 18, 2016 19:45:37 GMT -5
Certain things freak me out the most - and they're all in the same "realm". I am hyper-concerned with hygiene. I secretly think I must smell really, really terrible. I have even begged a couple of honest friends to PLEASE tell me if they ever get a whiff of anything at all that is "off" or doesn't smell like roses. I constantly put lotion on, brush my teeth 5x a day and chew cinnamon gum just in case. It's become an OCD obsession. I am also hyper-concerned with my weight or how I look in general. This needs no extra explanation. And... I sometimes wonder if I am a mentally and/or physically challenged person with abnormalities so abhorrent, that I am like an Elephant man and everyone around me is just trying to go out of their way to be nice to me out of charity. I wish that last thought was a joke, but I have to admit - I think it at least weekly. This is why you need to get out. And then the men will flock to you... |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2016 20:53:58 GMT -5
What freaked me out the most - besides the obvious - is the same thing that I keep mentioning in my posts: If (as he said) his health issues were the only real reason - then why would he never follow through with the things he had to do to improve his health? With or without me in his life - does he WANT to be depressed, have chronic pain, and/or a dependency on Rx painkillers all his life? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? You may have answered your own question. Is he taking painkillers? Girl, we need to talk. Those things are libido killing pecker shrinkers that make you feel just good enough to not care how lousy you feel. This is a subject I know well. It doesn't take much and it doesn't take long. One day I'll share my full story but the short version is - hubs is a pain-pill-popping zombie who has NO CLUE how messed up he is. Mr. Shrinkydink died a long, long time ago. I hope this isn't what's going on with you. It sucks. Mine wasn't quite a "pain-pill-popping zombie" but he could have gotten there. - His doctor got concerned because he was trying to get refills too often. - He asked me to hide his pills and dole them out according to the instructions. I hid the pills. Before we had even reached the first planned dole-out, he found where I hid them and took them back. - I had a root canal and my dentist prescribed Vicodin. (That stuff is great - I can see how people get addicted.) The first or second night, I woke up in the middle of the night due to pain. Went to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet - and my Vicodin bottle was empty. I'll never know for sure what happened. But let me say this - it would be unlike me to put an empty bottle back in the medicine cabinet. If I knew I could get a refill, I'd leave it on the counter to remind me to call it in. If I couldn't get a refill, I'd throw it away. Please, let's do talk some more about this. I've never met anybody else with this specific issue, and although I'm sorry it happened to you - it helps me to know I'm not the only woman this happened to. |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 18, 2016 20:57:57 GMT -5
How can anyone be willing to feel lousy all the time? You may have answered your own question. Is he taking painkillers? Girl, we need to talk. Those things are libido killing pecker shrinkers that make you feel just good enough to not care how lousy you feel. This is a subject I know well. It doesn't take much and it doesn't take long. One day I'll share my full story but the short version is - hubs is a pain-pill-popping zombie who has NO CLUE how messed up he is. Mr. Shrinkydink died a long, long time ago. I hope this isn't what's going on with you. It sucks. Mine wasn't quite a "pain-pill-popping zombie" but he could have gotten there. - His doctor got concerned because he was trying to get refills too often. - He asked me to hide his pills and dole them out according to the instructions. I hid the pills. Before we had even reached the first planned dole-out, he found where I hid them and took them back. - I had a root canal and my dentist prescribed Vicodin. (That stuff is great - I can see how people get addicted.) The first or second night, I woke up in the middle of the night due to pain. Went to the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet - and my Vicodin bottle was empty. I'll never know for sure what happened. But let me say this - it would be unlike me to put an empty bottle back in the medicine cabinet. If I knew I could get a refill, I'd leave it on the counter to remind me to call it in. If I couldn't get a refill, I'd throw it away. Please, let's do talk some more about this. I've never met anybody else with this specific issue, and although I'm sorry it happened to you - it helps me to know I'm not the only woman this happened to. You know, Kat, despite your protestations to the contrary you seem to be well describing a pain pill popping zombie. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2016 21:10:31 GMT -5
Certain things freak me out the most - and they're all in the same "realm". I am hyper-concerned with hygiene. I secretly think I must smell really, really terrible. I have even begged a couple of honest friends to PLEASE tell me if they ever get a whiff of anything at all that is "off" or doesn't smell like roses. I constantly put lotion on, brush my teeth 5x a day and chew cinnamon gum just in case. It's become an OCD obsession. I am also hyper-concerned with my weight or how I look in general. This needs no extra explanation. And... I sometimes wonder if I am a mentally and/or physically challenged person with abnormalities so abhorrent, that I am like an Elephant man and everyone around me is just trying to go out of their way to be nice to me out of charity. I wish that last thought was a joke, but I have to admit - I think it at least weekly. , no! You are beautiful. What does baza always say...."SM fucks with your head..." |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2016 21:12:46 GMT -5
beachguy, I just hate to say that about him. I even hate to think it.
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Post by beachguy on Dec 18, 2016 21:24:22 GMT -5
beachguy, I just hate to say that about him. I even hate to think it. You and I talked about that Vicodin back on EP. I'll never believe you were so ditzy that you ran out and didn't know it. |
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Post by JMX on Dec 18, 2016 21:39:10 GMT -5
Certain things freak me out the most - and they're all in the same "realm". I am hyper-concerned with hygiene. I secretly think I must smell really, really terrible. I have even begged a couple of honest friends to PLEASE tell me if they ever get a whiff of anything at all that is "off" or doesn't smell like roses. I constantly put lotion on, brush my teeth 5x a day and chew cinnamon gum just in case. It's become an OCD obsession. I am also hyper-concerned with my weight or how I look in general. This needs no extra explanation. And... I sometimes wonder if I am a mentally and/or physically challenged person with abnormalities so abhorrent, that I am like an Elephant man and everyone around me is just trying to go out of their way to be nice to me out of charity. I wish that last thought was a joke, but I have to admit - I think it at least weekly. , no! You are beautiful. What does baza always say...."SM fucks with your head..." Thank you - I am not sure you are not just appeasing me. Truth. ..."gets you thinking weird shit." I know. Baz and my other favorite friends roll in my head on loop. Thank you. |
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