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Post by csl on Dec 12, 2016 12:38:20 GMT -5
Uh, no you didn't. You've got feet, use them. Simply say, "I don't have to listen to this crap" and go to the gym or a movie. That point is well taken. However, it was after midnight and I was trying to sleep at the time ... no excuse, I know. Wife and I don't have your problem, but Wife can snore like a Mac truck, so for the past few years, I've taken to going to sleep with my ipod playing, and it helps to drown out her musical contribution. Ipod and earbuds might be a useful tool. Jes sayin'.  (for that matter, a second bedroom might be a useful tool as well, allowing for the "I don't have to listen to this crap" rejoinder.) |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 12, 2016 15:05:26 GMT -5
Uh, no you didn't. You've got feet, use them. Simply say, "I don't have to listen to this crap" and go to the gym or a movie. That point is well taken. However, it was after midnight and I was trying to sleep at the time ... no excuse, I know. Strip clubs are open at that hour, just for reference... That thought has crossed my mind more than once, and to not be the least bit subtle about it. But I get that stoking the fire is not always a good strategy. |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 12, 2016 15:10:39 GMT -5
That point is well taken. However, it was after midnight and I was trying to sleep at the time ... no excuse, I know. Strip clubs are open at that hour, just for reference... That thought has crossed my mind more than once, and to not be the least bit subtle about it. But I get that stoking the fire is not always a good strategy. As a strategy, I think context is everything, but in this case it wouldn't have been worth it ... |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 12, 2016 15:11:04 GMT -5
That point is well taken. However, it was after midnight and I was trying to sleep at the time ... no excuse, I know. Strip clubs are open at that hour, just for reference... That thought has crossed my mind more than once, and to not be the least bit subtle about it. But I get that stoking the fire is not always a good strategy. It is the unwillingness to stoke the fire that keep men emasculated and in their place as ATM Machine and handyman, and man servant. Don't mean to sound harsh but it's the truth |
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 12, 2016 15:16:19 GMT -5
Strip clubs are open at that hour, just for reference... That thought has crossed my mind more than once, and to not be the least bit subtle about it. But I get that stoking the fire is not always a good strategy. It is the unwillingness to stoke the fire that keep men emasculated and in their place as ATM Machine and handyman, and man servant. Don't mean to sound harsh but it's the truth Indeed it is the truth ... |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 12, 2016 17:04:54 GMT -5
It is the unwillingness to stoke the fire that keep men emasculated and in their place as ATM Machine and handyman, and man servant. Don't mean to sound harsh but it's the truth It is a truism that during negotiations the person with an emotional interest in the outcome will end up with the worse deal. It's because they are willing to sacrifice irrationally to realize their desired outcome. If you are prepared to walk away when the negotiating terms are unacceptable, you will never make a bad deal. That doesn't mean you will close every deal - to the contrary, it means many will "fail", but the ones you invest in will be much more successful. I'd like to think that marriage isn't a negotiation, and that such tactics aren't appropriate. But at the same time, being coldly objective is probably necessary to call time-of-death. |
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Post by beachguy on Dec 12, 2016 17:11:44 GMT -5
It is the unwillingness to stoke the fire that keep men emasculated and in their place as ATM Machine and handyman, and man servant. Don't mean to sound harsh but it's the truth It is a truism that during negotiations the person with an emotional interest in the outcome will end up with the worse deal. It's because they are willing to sacrifice irrationally to realize their desired outcome. If you are prepared to walk away when the negotiating terms are unacceptable, you will never make a bad deal. That doesn't mean you will close every deal - to the contrary, it means many will "fail", but the ones you invest in will be much more successful. I'd like to think that marriage isn't a negotiation, and that such tactics aren't appropriate. But at the same time, being coldly objective is probably necessary to call time-of-death. Good observation. And in fact a marriage is a series of negotiations. And a power struggle to some degree. One partner refusing intimacy is an immediate and total power struggle, even if we try to paper over it with the idea of love. We the refused are losers until we leave because apparently leaving is our only effective negotiating tool. I think this is a sad fact of life, and it is obvious in all the power struggle stories we read about every day, and today seems to be rife with them. |
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Post by DryCreek on Dec 12, 2016 17:37:14 GMT -5
beachguy, maybe I'm being too idealistic, but I'd like to think that a healthy relationship is rarely a negotiation, but one in which both partners wish to serve the other's interests, occasionally involving willing compromises in both directions. At the point it becomes a negotiation -- where there's a power struggle, leverage needs to be asserted over each other, or an exchange of terms is regularly required -- I think the game is over. So, I don't see the willingness to leave a bad marriage as an effective negotiating ploy. Rather, I see it as a healthy reaction to a bad situation. If your spouse knows this up-front, it will keep things in check proactively; I don't see it being effective once things are bad - maybe if we were talking about correcting bad behavior or reckless spending, but not for emotional bonding. FWIW, DC
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Post by Lithium92 on Dec 12, 2016 17:50:41 GMT -5
The difference is that in a healthy relationship, compromises are made wholeheartedly because each partner wants to do things to make the other happy, not as a ploy to get some of what they personally want. And most importantly, they're reciprocal. They don't even necessarily feel like compromises, just knowing you're both happy because the other is.
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Post by ggold on Dec 12, 2016 19:23:54 GMT -5
I barely reference anything sexual to him anymore. What is the point? We are done. I couldn't resist last night, though! We were watching the Dallas/Giants game. A Viagra commercial came on. I made some comment like, "Oh, I'm sure that ALL of the guys on the V have women who look like these in the commercial." He didn't respond at first then said, "Yea."
Then the commercial showed how men can now get a package of 1 pill when the need arises!! Wow!!! I said to him, "Look L, If you need it you can now get one pill in a packet! That's good to know, right?" He was sooooo uncomfortable!! lol!! Love making him squirm like that!!
How fucking pathetic is it that I cannot nor could I EVER talk openly about ANYTHING sexual with my HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 12, 2016 19:29:27 GMT -5
I barely reference anything sexual to him anymore. What is the point? We are done. I couldn't resist last night, though! We were watching the Dallas/Giants game. A Viagra commercial came on. I made some comment like, "Oh, I'm sure that ALL of the guys on the V have women who look like these in the commercial." He didn't respond at first then said, "Yea." Then the commercial showed how men can now get a package of 1 pill when the need arises!! Wow!!! I said to him, "Look L, If you need it you can now get one pill in a packet! That's good to know, right?" He was sooooo uncomfortable!! lol!! Love making him squirm like that!! How fucking pathetic is it that I cannot nor could I EVER talk openly about ANYTHING sexual with my HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!! I particularly can relate to the "nor could I ever" ... oh, and the "anything sexual" of course ... |
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Post by ggold on Dec 12, 2016 19:43:35 GMT -5
I barely reference anything sexual to him anymore. What is the point? We are done. I couldn't resist last night, though! We were watching the Dallas/Giants game. A Viagra commercial came on. I made some comment like, "Oh, I'm sure that ALL of the guys on the V have women who look like these in the commercial." He didn't respond at first then said, "Yea." Then the commercial showed how men can now get a package of 1 pill when the need arises!! Wow!!! I said to him, "Look L, If you need it you can now get one pill in a packet! That's good to know, right?" He was sooooo uncomfortable!! lol!! Love making him squirm like that!! How fucking pathetic is it that I cannot nor could I EVER talk openly about ANYTHING sexual with my HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!! I particularly can relate to the "nor could I ever" ... oh, and the "anything sexual" of course ... I'm sorry you can relate to this shit!! It sucks!! I swear, I would mention sex and he'd literally be like, "Oh, there's a draft coming from the window." Then he'd turn around and shut the window. End of discussion! Oh, and there was the time (before kids) when he was on the couch and I was vacuuming. I stopped and began to initiate by going on top of him. He told me to finish vacuuming. How's that for intimacy??? |
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Post by lyn on Dec 12, 2016 20:42:19 GMT -5
I particularly can relate to the "nor could I ever" ... oh, and the "anything sexual" of course ... I'm sorry you can relate to this shit!! It sucks!! I swear, I would mention sex and he'd literally be like, "Oh, there's a draft coming from the window." Then he'd turn around and shut the window. End of discussion! Oh, and there was the time (before kids) when he was on the couch and I was vacuuming. I stopped and began to initiate by laying on top of him. He told me to finish vacuuming. How's that for intimacy??? You sure your not married to my H? What a toolbox. I just LOVE those V commercials........they make my H sooooo uncomfortable.... you'd think HE was the one with the strict Catholic upbringing...... |
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Post by RexCorvus on Dec 12, 2016 20:43:38 GMT -5
I particularly can relate to the "nor could I ever" ... oh, and the "anything sexual" of course ... I'm sorry you can relate to this shit!! It sucks!! I swear, I would mention sex and he'd literally be like, "Oh, there's a draft coming from the window." Then he'd turn around and shut the window. End of discussion! Oh, and there was the time (before kids) when he was on the couch and I was vacuuming. I stopped and began to initiate by laying on top of him. He told me to finish vacuuming. How's that for intimacy??? What I wouldn’t have given or sacrificed to have my wife initiate by lying on top of me on the couch!!! The most seductive initiation from her since we married 21 years ago: “I’m ovulating, do you want to have sex?” |
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Post by ggold on Dec 12, 2016 20:46:47 GMT -5
I'm sorry you can relate to this shit!! It sucks!! I swear, I would mention sex and he'd literally be like, "Oh, there's a draft coming from the window." Then he'd turn around and shut the window. End of discussion! Oh, and there was the time (before kids) when he was on the couch and I was vacuuming. I stopped and began to initiate by laying on top of him. He told me to finish vacuuming. How's that for intimacy??? You sure your not married to my H? What a toolbox. I just LOVE those V commercials........they make my H sooooo uncomfortable.... you'd think HE was the one with the strict Catholic upbringing...... Oh no!! Don't tell me you had the strict Catholic upbringing too!! Ugh!! The guilt.....oh the guilt!!!! |
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