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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 5, 2016 14:02:55 GMT -5
When I'm 90 and look back on my life, I want to have no regrets. We don't know what is in our future. I want to look back and know that I danced with handsome men and learned to line dance. I hiked those mountains, I walked on that beach. I practiced yoga and kept up with the 30-something's in the step class. I'm afraid to stop. What if something happens and I am unable to do these things I enjoy ever again? I love the feel of achy muscles after a workout. I love pushing myself to keep going when I don't know how much strength I have left.
What about other regrets? What about the regret of wasting my "prime" years in a sexless marriage. I feel as though I'm running out of time. I see the wrinkles on my face, the softening of my jaw, the creases in my neck. My hips ache, I have chronic sciatica, neck pain, well.... everything hurts. But I keep moving.
I know I would regret leaving my marriage. I feel this in my soul.
I know I would rather die than live sexless.
I know outsourcing is morally wrong.
I know I would regret getting caught.
I know I would regret the repercussions.
I know I WOULD NOT regret the sexual experience.
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 5, 2016 14:33:26 GMT -5
A friend of mine from high school had her left leg amputated above the knee on Thursday of last week. 35 years old. Another died suddenly of so far unknown causes Friday night. 34 years old. It's really put things in perspective for me about what's really important in life, and about what i want to do with my life.
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Post by wewbwb on Dec 5, 2016 15:06:28 GMT -5
I just lost someone from my childhood.
It is shocking.
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Post by iceman on Dec 5, 2016 15:14:58 GMT -5
I have these thoughts all the time. If my wife and I stay together we can retire in as early as 5 years. If we split I won't retire for probably 15 years and even then not retire as well had we stayed together. But if we stay together and I imagine myself 15 years from now when I've been retired for 10 years and still in a SM, what regrets will I have? Will the financial security and leisure be worth staying together in a sexless marriage? It's easy to say of course not!!! But in truth it's not an easy question. It requires a real leap of faith and a fair bit of courage to leave the stability and security of my marriage for the hope of happiness knowing I may end up alone. Maybe not sexless. I have no doubt that I could find sexual partners but sexual partners don't necessarily mean emotional contentment. In fact, emotional contentment is far more difficult to achieve than raw sexual satisfaction. What regrets would I have if I end up emotionally alone?
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Post by Rhapsodee on Dec 5, 2016 15:27:44 GMT -5
iceman those are the things that run through my head.
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Post by misssunnybunny on Dec 5, 2016 16:09:57 GMT -5
My best friend died last year. She never got the chance to pursue her "what ifs/someday...." It has put things into perspective for me. I have started doing my list of someday items, so I have no regrets. I don't regret my divorce one bit, one of my better decisions
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Post by baza on Dec 5, 2016 17:07:27 GMT -5
My ex missus, single, financially good, had ambitions to travel and do assorted stuff, and had the wherewithall to do it, but didn't.
Fell ill in mid April 2015, dead 30 hours later.
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You are no certainty to make 90 Sister Rhapsodee
But if you do, it is what you do - or do not do - now, that is going to fill the pages of your life for you to review when you are 90.
It is said (I don't know how accurately) that people reviewing their life as it draws to a close seem to regret the things they didn't do far more than the things they did do.
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Post by nancyb on Dec 5, 2016 17:12:58 GMT -5
I regret nothing. Not one bit of it because it all needed to happen to bring me to the place I am in today. More confident, navigating an amicable divorce, flourishing in a new job, thinking about buying a new condo. Lots of positive new things....hmmm actually a part of me mourns for the loss of 'happily ever after'...so I regret ever believing in fairy tales at all.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 5, 2016 17:15:07 GMT -5
I don't want regrets RIGHT NOW. Fuck 90. I could maybe not even make it to 50, who knows?
I saw a thing the other day: plan like you'll live forever, live like you'll die tomorrow. Something like that.
I dispute that outsourcing is morally wrong.
I don't regret my divorce. Or the marriage.
Or taking three years to realize that it wasn't really much of a marriage anymore.
Everyone must live at their own pace, but for me, the great unknown was less scary than the certain gloom I had been living.
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Post by unmatched on Dec 5, 2016 20:26:09 GMT -5
For me I guess there is a difference between actions having consequences, both positive and negative, and then me actually regretting doing something (even if the consequences were more negative than I was hoping for). So I am curious, Rhapsodee - what is it about leaving your marriage that you feel you would regret? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Dec 5, 2016 20:58:31 GMT -5
I have these thoughts all the time. If my wife and I stay together we can retire in as early as 5 years. If we split I won't retire for probably 15 years and even then not retire as well had we stayed together. But if we stay together and I imagine myself 15 years from now when I've been retired for 10 years and still in a SM, what regrets will I have? Will the financial security and leisure be worth staying together in a sexless marriage? It's easy to say of course not!!! But in truth it's not an easy question. It requires a real leap of faith and a fair bit of courage to leave the stability and security of my marriage for the hope of happiness knowing I may end up alone. Maybe not sexless. I have no doubt that I could find sexual partners but sexual partners don't necessarily mean emotional contentment. In fact, emotional contentment is far more difficult to achieve than raw sexual satisfaction. What regrets would I have if I end up emotionally alone? Emotionally alone iceman? Isn't that were you, and most of us are right now. Physically we are married, connected. Remove the fake mask of marriage that the outside world see's and what lies beneath? A sexless, loveless, emotionless, sharing of assets. Assets that could end tomorrow. Jobs, careers, end, law suits,illness, accidents,fires, etc..... Back to, "I'd rather live in an empty house, than with an empty spouse." Why does being alone have to be so bad?" It has it's positives too! Think about your freedom when you were single. Remember all the exciting times of discovering new things, with new places, and meeting new people. Taking back what is rightfully yours. The freedom to be yourself. To leave your dishes out for days, or keep your place immaculately clean. To go out to eat where you choose,and sit alone at the bar, while flirting with the waitress, and being thankful that you are alone. As you remember the date you had two nights ago. A pantry full of your kind of food, and the shirt your wearing,.The one the lady you met at the grocery store bought for you. The shirt she said, "looks so sexy on you!". Yea....that kind of being alone. A time for healing. A healing that leads to confidence, truth, and understanding, for a brighter, more fulfilling future. A more pleasant life filled with an appreciation of taking risk and experiencing it. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2016 21:10:23 GMT -5
The financial question...
What are we willing to sell our sex life for?
I sold mine for financial security. Sold it so that I could have one person to be with-- emotional security?
Sold it to avoid the unknown of being alone.
Sold it so I would have a devil I knew.
Sold it so I could prove that I could stay married for 25 years.
Sold it to never have to feel the fear of finding another partner.
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Post by baza on Dec 5, 2016 21:14:39 GMT -5
Iceman, you say - "What regrets would I have if I end up emotionally alone?".
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There is no "if" about it is there ?
Are you not, as of this very moment "emotionally alone" ??
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Post by nancyb on Dec 5, 2016 21:15:22 GMT -5
The financial question... What are we willing to sell our sex life for? I sold mine for financial security. Sold it so that I could have one person to be with-- emotional security? Sold it to avoid the unknown of being alone. Sold it so I would have a devil I knew. Sold it so I could prove that I could stay married for 25 years. Sold it to never have to feel the fear of finding another partner. I guess I'm a lost soul as well because I sold it all to buy the 28 year marriage. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 5, 2016 21:17:20 GMT -5
I don't believe in regrets.
I had a regret earlier this year. I didn't do something I wish I had because I didn't have the confidence and the whole SM mindfuck that never totally goes away. So I missed an opportunity because I was scared and the next day it was revealed to me that he wished I would have had the confidence because he didn't. The emotions from regret that raced through me were unbearable, worse than rejection. So now I TRY to be fearless or at least more confident so that I never have to feel regret again.
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