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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 17, 2016 17:23:05 GMT -5
Well that went about as well as expected. Told them about the lack of physical contact, the loneliness, and the lack of any real change on her part. My dad nodded in agreement when I told them that the affection they saw her showing at Thanksgiving was the most I'd seen all year. He offered that perhaps some of it was for show, even if she wasn't fully aware of it. They both rolled their eyes when i told them about the "pulling" thing, and raised their eyebrows at the price of her therapy sessions. They told me about their own struggles, about the five years it took for my dad to realize some things and change them, and another 14 it took for another major issue to be resolved. The whole time, I was thinking, "we don't have kids, I can't wait around that long with nothing to keep us together." They told me they'd keep praying for me, for her, and for us, and as I got ready to leave, my dad hugged me. "Remember. There's nothing so shattered that God can't fix it. " ...so at least they won't be totally surprised when shit hits the fan. I guess there's that. Sounds like they were understanding and supportive. Mission accomplished. That was very nice what your dad said about God and I believe in God but I do not believe that God can fix a marriage. God doesn't care if people are sexless. Twenty three years of hoping and sometimes praying for sex taught me that. So make of your life what you want for yourself. God gets no credit for me escaping my SM. I did all that hard work myself. As well when my FWB moans and says "oh God", I tell him to say my name because God isn't sucking his dick! I wish you strength to find your happiness! My God absolutely wants me to be happy with a fulfilling tantric orgasm. If yours does not, you may want to upgrade your higher power to a sexually evolved one. (Please don't take offense at that. But I used to think there was only one kind of God & that it wasn't pro-sex. I've since changed my own understanding---IF there is a god that created all this, then that entity helped make sex enjoyable on purpose...made ME a sexual being on purpose. So to fulfill my godly purpose, I need the kind of sex that makes me say "yes" to life) It's my current working theory, anyway. |
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 17, 2016 17:30:03 GMT -5
Sounds like they were understanding and supportive. Mission accomplished. That was very nice what your dad said about God and I believe in God but I do not believe that God can fix a marriage. God doesn't care if people are sexless. Twenty three years of hoping and sometimes praying for sex taught me that. So make of your life what you want for yourself. God gets no credit for me escaping my SM. I did all that hard work myself. As well when my FWB moans and says "oh God", I tell him to say my name because God isn't sucking his dick! I wish you strength to find your happiness! My God absolutely wants me to be happy with a fulfilling tantric orgasm. If yours does not, you may want to upgrade your higher power to a sexually evolved one. (Please don't take offense at that. But I used to think there was only one kind of God & that it wasn't pro-sex. I've since changed my own understanding---IF there is a god that created all this, then that entity helped make sex enjoyable on purpose...made ME a sexual being on purpose. So to fulfill my godly purpose, I need the kind of sex that makes me say "yes" to life) It's my current working theory, anyway. No offense taken. My take on it is karma. There's definitely a higher power at work that brought FWB into my life. Maybe it was God. What I do know is that after two decades of fidelity and only being with one man, the universe gave me FWB and we are very compatible. Whether it's God or karma, I'm thankful. |
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Post by Dan on Dec 19, 2016 9:18:12 GMT -5
I can't tell you how much better I feel about life in general now. Why this external validation is so seemingly important to me is really sad I think. Something to work on/address in therapy. What I won't be working on/addressing is how to fix my marriage - how to make an asexual be anything else. What I really want to stress here is this: PLEASE - for your sake - speak to someone IRL about your ILIASM shithole. Just do it. It's scary, hard, but, worth it. HUGS and thank you. I've gained so much reading about everyone else's experiences. How AWESOME. This is what I consider one of those cases where you happen to find out that the universe is on your side! I want to echo your plea to others: TALK TO SOMEONE IRL. For me, that has been a combination of individual therapy (like you said, working on ME not "the marriage"), and one friend IRL who I know will not betray my trust. So many of my friends know my wife, too. I don't tell them not for fear they will run to her or chat with each other... rather, I don't want to give them the BURDEN of having to keep my secrets, nor do I want their pity, nor do I wan them to feel awkward around the both of us. If anyone reading this has a similar concern, my advice is: START SEEING AN INDIVIDUAL THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY. This is what they are paid to do. They will keep you secrets; it WON'T be a burden to them; and you'll get comfort and good advice out of it, to boot. |
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