|
Post by LITW on Dec 2, 2016 16:36:12 GMT -5
Before we were married, we had sex almost every day, and she initiated much of the time. We even had days when we stayed inside and made love all day. (when we had the house to ourselves) Then we got married, and in an instant, all that stopped (from her perspective). Suddenly, every mundane household chore, every time the phone rang, everything else became a higher priority than sex. That was 12 years ago.
I really miss having an enthusiastic partner. She has not been enthusiastic about making love in so long, I don't remember when she was, but I am guessing it was before the wedding.
|
|
|
Post by unmatched on Dec 2, 2016 17:38:03 GMT -5
We have had 'good' sex maybe 3 times in the last two years, all alcohol fuelled. It was great but it is very hard to go from there back to instant distance and drought the next day. It makes it worse in some ways.
|
|
|
Post by thebaffledking on Dec 2, 2016 17:48:49 GMT -5
I don't mean to be negative Mr Positive, but if your marriage has gone sexless (as mine did 8 years ago), it's HIGHLY likely it's going to stay that way. Read around a bit.....read around a lot. This is RARELY salvaged. Good sex is probably off the table until you have a new partner. There are a lot of rocks to overturn to get to true core discovery, and this doesn't seem like one of them.
|
|
|
Post by novembercomingfire on Dec 2, 2016 17:53:25 GMT -5
We have had 'good' sex maybe 3 times in the last two years, all alcohol fuelled. It was great but it is very hard to go from there back to instant distance and drought the next day. It makes it worse in some ways. When I remember that "good sex" only happened when alcohol fueled, it makes it pretty difficult to live with the idea of long term sobriety.
|
|
|
Post by deleted on Dec 2, 2016 17:55:55 GMT -5
I can't remember, but I had an hour long make out session with a friend about 2.5 years ago that was out of this world. Sadly, she disappeared from my life a few months later.
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 2, 2016 18:12:14 GMT -5
Before we were married, we had sex almost every day, and she initiated much of the time. We even had days when we stayed inside and made love all day. (when we had the house to ourselves) Then we got married, and in an instant, all that stopped (from her perspective). Suddenly, every mundane household chore, every time the phone rang, everything else became a higher priority than sex. That was 12 years ago. I really miss having an enthusiastic partner. She has not been enthusiastic about making love in so long, I don't remember when she was, but I am guessing it was before the wedding. In terms of at least trying to understand our predicaments, I personally find the early stories much more informative. And stories like the quoted one by LITW raise other questions, such as how long was the relationship prior to the sex stopping (in this case apparently the wedding day like me). And did it taper off before the wedding (or whenever the big final slide occurred) or just run along and fall off a cliff? And I've noticed that people rarely go into the early history here unless prompted. Most of our relationships are so toxic at this point that talking about the present is kind of meaningless. There is so much toxic water over the dam.
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 2, 2016 19:26:50 GMT -5
We have had 'good' sex maybe 3 times in the last two years, all alcohol fuelled. It was great but it is very hard to go from there back to instant distance and drought the next day. It makes it worse in some ways. When I remember that "good sex" only happened when alcohol fueled, it makes it pretty difficult to live with the idea of long term sobriety. If you're getting laid as much as everyone else here, I think your liver will be just fine
|
|
pinkskies
Junior Member
Posts: 38
Age Range: 36-40
|
Post by pinkskies on Dec 2, 2016 19:29:04 GMT -5
I honestly can't remember. Maybe 10 years ago. Reminds me of exactly why this marriage needs to end. I finally called lawyers today to set up consultations.
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 2, 2016 19:42:23 GMT -5
I honestly can't remember. Maybe 10 years ago. Reminds me of exactly why this marriage needs to end. I finally called lawyers today to set up consultations. Taking a big step forward, pinkskies. Now that's how you find solutions in this place. Unfortunately... but it is what it is. Ten years is long enough.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 20:53:03 GMT -5
I cant remember. I can say that it was not in this century.
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Dec 2, 2016 21:25:48 GMT -5
It happened 11 yrs ago. We had rented our neighbors log cabin in the mountains of Georgia. On the back deck was a Jacuzzi. Like normal the wife and I and the three kids all got in it. Like swimming in our pool at home. The kids were put to bed and the two of us got back in the Jacuzzi. I expected nothing, my hopes were low, sex was down to once a year and nothing was happening from my advances at home. The same excuses. Out of no where she took her bathing suit off, and approached me to stand up. She pressed herself into me and began to kiss me.She took off my bathing suit and fondled me. We proceeded to the bed room. And had sex.
That was it. That was the one time for that year. Nothing came of any advances in the shower, or any where else. Business as usual.
Except for wanting to procreate, that's the only advance from her that I ever remember. Don't ask me to explain the mind of a manipulative controller.
|
|
|
Post by ggold on Dec 2, 2016 21:58:08 GMT -5
Great sex with my husband happened either before we were married or very early on in our marriage. (We have been married for 23 years.)
Amazing,mind-blowing,loving,soul-connecting sex like I have never experienced in my life with an incredible man (not husband) ---early November.
Sigh!!!
|
|
|
Post by iceman on Dec 3, 2016 14:04:03 GMT -5
Sadly I can't really remember the last time. I guess it was probably during her last pregnancy and our son is 15 yo now. Pretty sad!! Her libido went way up during the pregnancy, completely the opposite of the other pregnany. She was really into sex. It was the one brief time during our marriage when I felt close to being satisfied. Before that and until a couple of years ago it was pretty much lethargic starfish sex if I initiated. In the last couple of years it's been almost nonexistent lethargic starfish sex. I'm over it. I don't pursue and she doesn't initiate. I no longer have any desire for her. Because I no longer initiate my wife is convinced I have something on the side, which sadly I don't. What I wouldn't give for a few sessions of mind blowing sex with someone actually as into it as much as me.
|
|
|
Post by Mr. Positive on Dec 5, 2016 19:02:06 GMT -5
Thanks to everyone that has been responding. I know it's painful and frustrating to think about what we don't have. It's what makes the water toxic. It's what I would like to stay away from in this topic. Finally my wife and I had decent sex this weekend. We went on a trip to Disneyland with the kids for a couple of nights. This was the first time we got two rooms. One for the kids and one for us. I can't help but think it was because she had 3-4 drinks. Thinking back a year or so I remember that she also "got into the mood" when she took ambien. (for people who should be sober) I think it helps take the edge off and forget about any stress. I also notice (for the most part) women view sex as a positive reinforcement. Men use negative reinforcement. For example women will want sex when everything is perfect or at least good enough. Men will stop doing positive things when they don't have sex. Still I don't see how anyone can afford drinking and vacations everyday. So let's keep on searching. Thanks again everyone.
|
|
|
Post by beachguy on Dec 5, 2016 19:28:17 GMT -5
I also notice (for the most part) women view sex as a positive reinforcement. Men use negative reinforcement. For example women will want sex when everything is perfect or at least good enough. Men will stop doing positive things when they don't have sex. As I always say... refusers use sex as a weapon or a tool...
|
|