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Post by Rhapsodee on Nov 29, 2016 18:42:06 GMT -5
My husband and I are very polite with each other. We always say please and thank you for little considerations. He brings me small things that he knows I enjoy and I do the same for him. He always jumps up to help me with the groceries and I do the same if he has done the shopping. It's nice that he thinks of me and it's nice that I think of him but it's also bizarre.
It's like the tortured prisoner thanking the torturer for a drink of water.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2016 18:59:37 GMT -5
Same at the Andie household. I thanked him this afternoon for taking responsibility. Long story but it involves him taking the dog out BEFORE he goes to "hit a couple balls..." (his code for going to the golf dome.)
I thought, perhaps I should go hit a couple balls. With my vagina.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 29, 2016 20:17:31 GMT -5
My husband and I are very polite with each other. We always say please and thank you for little considerations. He brings me small things that he knows I enjoy and I do the same for him. He always jumps up to help me with the groceries and I do the same if he has done the shopping. It's nice that he thinks of me and it's nice that I think of him but it's also bizarre. It's like the tortured prisoner thanking the torturer for a drink of water. It is like Stockholm Syndrome |
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Post by warmways on Nov 29, 2016 20:59:10 GMT -5
We are polite to each other. "Thank you for making me coffee. Thank you for taking the dog out etc. (A lot of times I feel like we're cardboard cutouts and the sexless years have amounted to a surreal relationship devoid of life and meaning. We say these things automatically and there is very little meaning left besides being polite.
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Post by DryCreek on Nov 29, 2016 22:01:44 GMT -5
Hmmm. Basic (rote) pleasantries here, but meaningful compliments are mostly one-sided.
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Post by baza on Nov 29, 2016 22:15:47 GMT -5
Back in the day, I was unfailingly polite to my missus, particularly when she was being 'difficult'.
And the angrier she got, the calmer I got.
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It used to drive her nuts - which was precisely why I used to do it truth be told. More or less goading her into losing it and making a fool of herself.
It was a form of me "getting revenge" for her behaviours toward me, but in a way that was not very obvious or overt.
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It was classic 'passive aggression' on my part (although at that time I hadn't even heard of the term).
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It did not help resolve the ILIASM deal in any way, shape, or form. In fact, on reflection, I think that adopting a passive aggressive stance is every bit as harmful and useless as openly ranting and argueing.
But I used to derive some perverse satisfaction out of it, back in the day.
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I ain't so proud of my behaviour looking back on it.
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 29, 2016 23:50:01 GMT -5
I have nothing to contribute.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 30, 2016 5:56:47 GMT -5
We are polite to each other. "Thank you for making me coffee. Thank you for taking the dog out etc. (A lot of times I feel like we're cardboard cutouts and the sexless years have amounted to a surreal relationship devoid of life and meaning. We say these things automatically and there is very little meaning left besides being polite. For me politeness in my relationship is all that's left of it. |
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Post by tamara68 on Nov 30, 2016 7:06:24 GMT -5
I can't remember politeness
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Post by csl on Nov 30, 2016 10:33:24 GMT -5
I have nothing to contribute. Thank you. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 30, 2016 20:44:47 GMT -5
We are polite to each other. "Thank you for making me coffee. Thank you for taking the dog out etc. (A lot of times I feel like we're cardboard cutouts and the sexless years have amounted to a surreal relationship devoid of life and meaning. We say these things automatically and there is very little meaning left besides being polite. For me politeness in my relationship is all that's left of it. The politeness mask does hold up for many years. There comes a time when the detachment takes over, and the communication, (a part of politeness) comes to an end. A time to start gaining new ground, and find your joy. |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 1, 2016 15:11:17 GMT -5
My husband and I are very polite with each other. We always say please and thank you for little considerations. He brings me small things that he knows I enjoy and I do the same for him. He always jumps up to help me with the groceries and I do the same if he has done the shopping. It's nice that he thinks of me and it's nice that I think of him but it's also bizarre. It's like the tortured prisoner thanking the torturer for a drink of water. My wife and I are both polite with good manners. Added to our incentive to stay nice to each other is our 2 preteen children. So we save our disagreements until the kids are asleep. Usually that is enough time for my anger to die down, but hers will not. Luckily for her I am patient and will let her let off steam without egging her on. In her angriest moments she used to hurt me badly with words, but now I just don't feel in love anymore, so it doesn't hurt. It is like I treat it logically, like I am Mr. Spock from Star Trek. It is strange to so want a loving emotional relationship with my wife when all she wants is to be friends. |
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Post by petrushka on Dec 1, 2016 15:49:50 GMT -5
I can do cold polite - with people who have pissed me off in the past. I can do warm polite with people whom I respect but don't know all that well. I can do formal polite - with 'authority' whom I don't give a shit about.
I can do polite as a form of showing respect to a person whom I like or love very much. I do not do it all the time, I'm a very informal, casual person, but
being polite is, in my world, definitely a way of showing that I respect someone. Just as I very much appreciate when my friends show me that they respect me: it's a two way street.
Polite as a mask for disdain ---- yukk.
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Post by cagedtiger on Dec 5, 2016 21:53:41 GMT -5
We're usually cordial in a roommate sense, unless she's having her weekly meltdown- though I tend to be the one who's more formally polite, unless I'm pissed off about something. Then I'll let her know I'm pissed, and she'll steer clear. Or melt down again because she's worried about what she did wrong (even if it's unrelated to her).
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Post by GeekGoddess on Dec 13, 2016 17:09:24 GMT -5
I can't remember politeness I do remember it - as in, it ended eventually. The more I gave up, the more Ex pushed the boundaries to the point where even the politeness was gone. |
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