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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:20:12 GMT -5
I keep going over and over things in my mind. How could I have stayed in a SM for 14 years. I feel so stupid. If, and right now it's a big if, I should ever have a serious relationship with a man how do I find out if they are horny too? Not just in the honeymoon phase. Is a SM something you 'declare' like a prior STD? LMAO
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 27, 2016 20:25:14 GMT -5
It's a valid question.
It has certainly been something I pondered. It is why I may not marry again.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:30:34 GMT -5
It's a valid question. It has certainly been something I pondered. It is why I may not marry again. This is my second kick at the can. The first marriage had sex but no substance; the second had substance but no sex. I do not think there will be a third time. |
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 27, 2016 20:36:44 GMT -5
"Sex but no substance" Huh, not looking so bad from here....  |
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:42:07 GMT -5
"Sex but no substance" Huh, not looking so bad from here.... Hindsight is 20/20 my friend.  |
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 27, 2016 20:47:31 GMT -5
Looking back, the pre=marriage counseling that we did was very short and rushed, and happened way too soon before our wedding. There were questions on the questionnaire we were both supposed to fill out (she didn't), and I think if we'd talked about not only that but our difference in activity levels, etc things may have turned out differently.
As in, we may have realized before the wedding that maybe getting married wasn't the best idea for us.
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 27, 2016 20:51:40 GMT -5
I know right?
Oh well.
I will move forward and hopefully find peace.
As I hope we all do.
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Post by becca on Nov 27, 2016 20:55:24 GMT -5
With love comes risk. Always. I don't think you can ever know if a man (or woman) will be horny beyond the honeymoon. But perhaps when it is still in the fun and new stage you can write up a little contract saying what is important to each of you. And should said contract be broken, you have the right to go outside of the marriage for fulfillment or whatever you want to state. The minute you close yourself off to protect yourself ( wewbwb "It is why I may not marry again") you aren't living fully and you aren't open to all the possibilities. |
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Post by nancyb on Nov 27, 2016 20:55:50 GMT -5
Well said. Hope springs eternal.. |
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Post by wewbwb on Nov 27, 2016 21:08:17 GMT -5
With love comes risk. Always. I don't think you can ever know if a man (or woman) will be horny beyond the honeymoon. But perhaps when it is still in the fun and new stage you can write up a little contract saying what is important to each of you. And should said contract be broken, you have the right to go outside of the marriage for fulfillment or whatever you want to state. The minute you close yourself off to protect yourself ( wewbwb "It is why I may not marry again") you aren't living fully and you aren't open to all the possibilities. "I may not" I didn't say "will not" I have tried to be open to all thing that come my way. The good and the bad. Yes, love comes with risk. Risk of hurting someone and of being hurt. I'm not sure which is worse. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 27, 2016 21:20:09 GMT -5
I don't think one declares having had the misfortune of a S/M. But I do think it should be talked about with the other person when the relationship reaches a certain point or degree of importance to one or both of you. Unless one feels fully recovered and having made peach with the experience the memories and doubts could work their way into a future relationship and if your partner is unaware of your history misunderstandings could easily occur. The betrayal that a S/M constitutes almost always has long term effects.
As to finding out if a man is horney.....don't worry, the signs are pretty obvious to even a casual observer.
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Post by baza on Nov 27, 2016 21:21:07 GMT -5
Sister nancy.
If you have not learned an absolute mountain about human nature and yourself after the 'trial by fire' of an ILIASM shithole, then that would be an absolute tragedy, given the cost of those real life / real time lessons.
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Personally, I think that the experience of an ILIASM shithole is the best of all possible preparations should a new relationship emerge in your life.
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Post by unmatched on Nov 27, 2016 22:25:20 GMT -5
With the benefit of hindsight I could look back at the early days of my relationship, slap myself around the head and yell 'WTF are you thinking???!' And I would guess well over half the people here could look back (with what they know now!) and would say that at least some signs were there. So pay attention and don't let yourself walk down that same road again. I also think going forward you could look out for people who are not just horny but also enjoy the intimacy and connection that goes with sex. It may not be the only way to do it (some people do just have high sex drives), but that is certainly something that will keep the interest alive when all the initial hormones start to calm down. There do seem to be a very high proportion of intimacy-averse partners here.
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Post by solodriver on Nov 28, 2016 0:19:11 GMT -5
I keep going over and over things in my mind. How could I have stayed in a SM for 14 years. I feel so stupid. If, and right now it's a big if, I should ever have a serious relationship with a man how do I find out if they are horny too? Not just in the honeymoon phase. Is a SM something you 'declare' like a prior STD? LMAO I feel what you're feeling. I've been in a SM for 16 years. I always look at other women and wonder if they are horny?
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Post by solodriver on Nov 28, 2016 0:21:29 GMT -5
Well said. Hope springs eternal.. My feeling: Without hope we have nothing. |
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