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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 19, 2016 5:18:16 GMT -5
Lots of this hit me. Lots of it didn't apply. But it brought a tear to my eye. I thought it might be good to share x |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 19, 2016 11:12:33 GMT -5
Something missing: through all this, learn to love your hand because this is a very poetically idealized description of your generic intimacy averse refuser.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 19, 2016 11:40:14 GMT -5
Something missing: through all this, learn to love your hand because this is a very poetically idealized description of your generic intimacy averse refuser. Oh fuck. I didn't read it from that perspective. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 19, 2016 11:48:06 GMT -5
Something missing: through all this, learn to love your hand because this is a very poetically idealized description of your generic intimacy averse refuser. Oh fuck. I didn't read it from that perspective. This described my STBX to a T. It instructs you to give 99% of the relationship. It says precious little about what you might get back, other than a vague promise that on one of their better days, they might love you in some very unspecified way. There is a good reason they don't delve into what you get back. They wax poetically about life as a giver, dealing with a taker. Sorry for my cynicism but I've never seen a better description of my STBX and the life I would have lived had I thrown 110% of my soul into an emotional vampire. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 19, 2016 12:08:25 GMT -5
😬. Having never been on the receiving end of giving behaviour from my dud, some of this sounded like what might be nice. But what you are saying makes sense.
Now this scares the shit out of me. What if I turn into that woman. Fuck. I guess it's about keeping happy mediums. Not swinging so far into the self as to become selfish.
Fine lines!
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Post by beachguy on Nov 19, 2016 12:09:53 GMT -5
Lots of this hit me. Lots of it didn't apply. But it brought a tear to my eye. I thought it might be good to share x The article specifically addresses women raised in traumatic environments (like my STBX). Despite what I said, there may be a little of that in all of us, and there may be some good general advice for dealing with better adjusted partners. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 19, 2016 12:13:25 GMT -5
😬. Having never been on the receiving end of giving behaviour from my dud, some of this sounded like what might be nice. But what you are saying makes sense. Now this scares the shit out of me. What if I turn into that woman. Fuck. I guess it's about keeping happy mediums. Not swinging so far into the self as to become selfish. Fine lines! We all have our baggage after dealing with intimacy averse partners for decades but I really believe the focus of the article was women damaged in their formative childhood years. And there is a pattern here and the old EP... Most of our intimacy averse refusers had very traumatic early childhoods. |
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Post by beachguy on Nov 19, 2016 12:26:20 GMT -5
😬. Having never been on the receiving end of giving behaviour from my dud, some of this sounded like what might be nice. But what you are saying makes sense. Now this scares the shit out of me. What if I turn into that woman. Fuck. I guess it's about keeping happy mediums. Not swinging so far into the self as to become selfish. Fine lines! Yes, fine lines are important and we all need to respect that. But my sense is that you always were a giver and your marriage has not turned you into a taker. Takers don't marry takers. For the same reason electrons never stick together. Why magnets only attract when aligned in reverse polarity. Your experience just focused your attention on the idea of reciprocity. Hopefully my analogy fails to the extent that two givers can stick together... But the ultimate truth there is way past my pay grade  |
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Post by baza on Nov 22, 2016 18:51:09 GMT -5
I think the author has been to a creative writing workshop.
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Post by nancyb on Nov 24, 2016 17:26:28 GMT -5
Hmm...I'm sorry but there is something a little creepy about that article and I've been to hell and back. |
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Post by Lithium92 on Nov 24, 2016 18:19:45 GMT -5
It describes very well the outlook of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 25, 2016 0:38:09 GMT -5
Alright alright. I get it. It's weird. I can't even be arsed reading it again to form sensible agreement arguments 😂
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Post by petrushka on Nov 25, 2016 3:57:57 GMT -5
Sorry, but I was gagging. "how to be a masochistic enabler" would have been a good title for that 'poetic' piece.
Yes, it sounds so nice and romantic and all, "love her harder". But it's about a person who plays you, who abuses
you, emotionally, who takes liberties of acting out without giving any sustenance back. It is a receipe for having
your soul ripped out, put through the blender and finally flushed down the toilet (see, I can be poetic, too).
I would not go near that Karen Writer, because she lives in the valley that I'm desperately wanting to climb
out of. Well I have, kinda. When my hell and back woman acts out, I don't love her harder. I smile and do not
play but stay on my own course, these days. It's a lot healthier for me. But I still miss the succour that I was
promised.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 21:25:22 GMT -5
kiss her ass. then when she is an asshole, kiss her ass. when she is the meanest fucking cunt that has ever lived, kiss her ass.
yep, that is it.
WTF?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2016 21:27:33 GMT -5
Sorry, but I was gagging. "how to be a masochistic enabler" would have been a good title for that 'poetic' piece. Yes, it sounds so nice and romantic and all, "love her harder". But it's about a person who plays you, who abuses you, emotionally, who takes liberties of acting out without giving any sustenance back. It is a receipe for having your soul ripped out, put through the blender and finally flushed down the toilet (see, I can be poetic, too). I would not go near that Karen Writer, because she lives in the valley that I'm desperately wanting to climb out of. Well I have, kinda. When my hell and back woman acts out, I don't love her harder. I smile and do not play but stay on my own course, these days. It's a lot healthier for me. But I still miss the succour that I was promised. well put- masochistic enabler... I think I am that at times. I use the excuse that she is my wife and I love her. Save |
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