Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2016 16:18:42 GMT -5
I am sure some of you have seen me around these boards for a little while… so I thought I should write a little intro so I am not an unknown… I was on EP with the same name and while I thought about stealing that text, time changes perspective.
Just passed my 7 year anniversary, 5 ½ years of it sexless….. but lets backup a minute.
To stay I was a late bloomer is an understatement so this is more like purgatory. I went on my first real date at 27 and didn’t lose my virginity until 28. So the tools that got me through that are what I use now. I thought I would be rewarded later in life….
I was an awkward teen who struck out badly in high school, then went to a college with a 4 to 1, Male-to-female ratio. Most classes were 30 guys, 1 girl…. So is engineering. Took my first job in a new city, at a small firm with 75 people (7 females including the receptionist). No one was within 5 years of my age and in a new town and before the internet was a place to go (this was the 90’s), I had no options or friends. It would take a move to another city.
Got some dates but never made it past the third date. Many just once. It was always them walking away. I was a bad and inexperienced dater. I was also just a nice guy, trying not to be pushy…
My first GF was way too advanced for me but she did cut me some slack. She was very experienced while still had no idea what I was doing. After 2 years we called it quits because she wanted to start a completely separate relationship with a female (she was bi) while maintaining ours yet keep them totally separate. Could not go for that. We were not compatible any more.
But I got my mojo and started out on my own for the first time in my life with some confidence. Just a couple months later I met the W. While early on it was good, with some dry spells, I saw no reason for alarm. But all that changed when she decided it would be good for her to go on the depo shot. Learned later that it killed her sex drive. Didn’t figure this out until after the wedding was planned. The wedding was good, but the week long honeymoon to Europe saw only one instance of sex, just so I would stop bugging her. I had to take care of myself a lot that week. Seriously.
Less than into the marriage, she had a major back injury, that quickly ended any chance and the back problem stole the next 3 years of our life between problems, then surgery, then recovery, then more problems…all the while on the depo shot. And no sex drive. And body image issues.
At the 7 year mark, you only needed 2 hands to count the amount of times we had sex. Since the wedding…..including the wedding night.
She recently got off the depo shot after her doctor advised it since it restricts calcium absorption. Low and behold, some interest is returning. But now I am damaged goods, and messed in the head. 5 ½ years of my 30’s wasted as sexless has left me a broken man over 40 totally lacking in confidence and the ability to bring in the bedroom. With all the problems she has brought to the relationship and my life, its hard to get excited about her…. I never had a happy time, or a honeymoon period to start my marriage. I never had clumsy teen sex, I never had wild 20s sex. I find myself over 40, rejected most of my life by women, and now realizing where I am. With a wife who doesn’t like or ever want oral sex, you know wild or crazy is not going to happen. And she is so critical of her body, I am beyond being able to help at this point.
So I am not able to point to a fun time in my life and lament missing that, only now that I never have had what most people get at some point, a decent sex life. I stay in my SM because I am well equipped with the tools to survive without… I got through most of my young life using those same tools. I wish I could say that if I had a chance to have great sex with a hot woman that would be awesome… but it would be a mess as I would be a no show…. Happened recently with my W on a rare occasion that she was interested….she stormed out of the room when it became apparent I was not going to perform. That is the damage that is done.
Trying to explain the work we need to do to repair our marriage is almost impossible, she states she had good reason for everything that has gone on… besides, all guys are perverts and want sex all the time… and get it up all the time….Right?
Just passed my 7 year anniversary, 5 ½ years of it sexless….. but lets backup a minute.
To stay I was a late bloomer is an understatement so this is more like purgatory. I went on my first real date at 27 and didn’t lose my virginity until 28. So the tools that got me through that are what I use now. I thought I would be rewarded later in life….
I was an awkward teen who struck out badly in high school, then went to a college with a 4 to 1, Male-to-female ratio. Most classes were 30 guys, 1 girl…. So is engineering. Took my first job in a new city, at a small firm with 75 people (7 females including the receptionist). No one was within 5 years of my age and in a new town and before the internet was a place to go (this was the 90’s), I had no options or friends. It would take a move to another city.
Got some dates but never made it past the third date. Many just once. It was always them walking away. I was a bad and inexperienced dater. I was also just a nice guy, trying not to be pushy…
My first GF was way too advanced for me but she did cut me some slack. She was very experienced while still had no idea what I was doing. After 2 years we called it quits because she wanted to start a completely separate relationship with a female (she was bi) while maintaining ours yet keep them totally separate. Could not go for that. We were not compatible any more.
But I got my mojo and started out on my own for the first time in my life with some confidence. Just a couple months later I met the W. While early on it was good, with some dry spells, I saw no reason for alarm. But all that changed when she decided it would be good for her to go on the depo shot. Learned later that it killed her sex drive. Didn’t figure this out until after the wedding was planned. The wedding was good, but the week long honeymoon to Europe saw only one instance of sex, just so I would stop bugging her. I had to take care of myself a lot that week. Seriously.
Less than into the marriage, she had a major back injury, that quickly ended any chance and the back problem stole the next 3 years of our life between problems, then surgery, then recovery, then more problems…all the while on the depo shot. And no sex drive. And body image issues.
At the 7 year mark, you only needed 2 hands to count the amount of times we had sex. Since the wedding…..including the wedding night.
She recently got off the depo shot after her doctor advised it since it restricts calcium absorption. Low and behold, some interest is returning. But now I am damaged goods, and messed in the head. 5 ½ years of my 30’s wasted as sexless has left me a broken man over 40 totally lacking in confidence and the ability to bring in the bedroom. With all the problems she has brought to the relationship and my life, its hard to get excited about her…. I never had a happy time, or a honeymoon period to start my marriage. I never had clumsy teen sex, I never had wild 20s sex. I find myself over 40, rejected most of my life by women, and now realizing where I am. With a wife who doesn’t like or ever want oral sex, you know wild or crazy is not going to happen. And she is so critical of her body, I am beyond being able to help at this point.
So I am not able to point to a fun time in my life and lament missing that, only now that I never have had what most people get at some point, a decent sex life. I stay in my SM because I am well equipped with the tools to survive without… I got through most of my young life using those same tools. I wish I could say that if I had a chance to have great sex with a hot woman that would be awesome… but it would be a mess as I would be a no show…. Happened recently with my W on a rare occasion that she was interested….she stormed out of the room when it became apparent I was not going to perform. That is the damage that is done.
Trying to explain the work we need to do to repair our marriage is almost impossible, she states she had good reason for everything that has gone on… besides, all guys are perverts and want sex all the time… and get it up all the time….Right?