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Post by unmatched on Aug 21, 2016 18:53:34 GMT -5
olgana you should talk to your kids. You said they think you left their father who is so great and nice, but you also said he asked your children to hide the fact that he had a mistress from you. I am sure they really don't think this is all on you. It sounds like there were a lot of things not great about your marriage. As phin said your husband was an abusive manipulative prick, no question. You also reacted to that and probably didn't behave very well either. But make no mistake - your husband is a selfish ass and really not worth obsessing over and you definitely don't want him back. I guess my feeling is that your story is not that unusual or special - it is the kind of thing you see all the time in bad marriages. You played your part in it, and your husband certainly played his. But I wonder if you can come to see it as 'normal' (in the sense of not dramatically worse than lots of other people's marriages) it might help you to see it in perspective and start to learn from it and put it behind you. There is a whole world out there waiting for you.
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Post by olgana on Aug 22, 2016 13:41:34 GMT -5
Thank you for your support. I think you are right. Regarding my kids, I still wonder if I can talk to them. Their father found a partner after I left, so they do not think he is to blame. They think he has just moved on and they ask me to do the same by the way. I know I need to move on. I just struggle.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2016 13:52:56 GMT -5
Please don't blame yourself for the things that happened in your marriage.
Whatever you may have done or not done - his behavior is overkill. Nothing you did or didn't do deserves the kind of things he has done as a reaction.
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 22, 2016 15:03:02 GMT -5
olgana You say that the eldest knew about his partner and that he asked them to keep it from you and the youngest? Am I correct in that understanding? Because if I am, I really don't think you need to be worried about being a good example for the kids. Welcome. Feel free to express yourself.
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Post by olgana on Aug 22, 2016 16:05:33 GMT -5
He started having a new partner 1 or 2 years after I left, then, in theory, he can't be blamed for it. I still do not understand though why he asked our 3 eldest children (who partly live with him) to hide it to my youngest daughter (who lives with me) during this period - officially "to protect her".
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 22, 2016 16:16:13 GMT -5
Odd. Regardless. YOU did nothing wrong.
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Post by notenjoyinglife44 on Aug 24, 2016 9:15:36 GMT -5
Hi! I am new to this. just found this website. I have been in a relationship for 20 years, sex hasn't been great the past few years, then all of a sudden we haven't had sex in a year. a year, nothing. we don't kiss, we don't hold hands, we don't say I love you, we don't cuddle, nothing. I like all those things and we did them all before, but not anymore. I have spoke with him about it on numerous occasions and nothing has changed and I'm sick of talking. I want sex, I'm so sexually frustrated it is ridiculous. please someone help me because I don't know what else to do.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2016 12:17:10 GMT -5
Hi! I am new to this. just found this website. I have been in a relationship for 20 years, sex hasn't been great the past few years, then all of a sudden we haven't had sex in a year. a year, nothing. we don't kiss, we don't hold hands, we don't say I love you, we don't cuddle, nothing. I like all those things and we did them all before, but not anymore. I have spoke with him about it on numerous occasions and nothing has changed and I'm sick of talking. I want sex, I'm so sexually frustrated it is ridiculous. please someone help me because I don't know what else to do. Divorce Affair Stay and remain celibate Not an encouraging set of choices. Read as much as you can to find out how folks have navigated the options.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2016 12:45:07 GMT -5
Hi! I am new to this. just found this website. I have been in a relationship for 20 years, sex hasn't been great the past few years, then all of a sudden we haven't had sex in a year. a year, nothing. we don't kiss, we don't hold hands, we don't say I love you, we don't cuddle, nothing. I like all those things and we did them all before, but not anymore. I have spoke with him about it on numerous occasions and nothing has changed and I'm sick of talking. I want sex, I'm so sexually frustrated it is ridiculous. please someone help me because I don't know what else to do. Divorce Affair Stay and remain celibate Not an encouraging set of choices. Read as much as you can to find out how folks have navigated the options. I should say too that there are rare cases of turning it around and renewing your sex life. This is extremely rare, and in cases where it happened the refused partner was willing to leave the marriage if things did not change. Not bluffing, for real, if it doesn't change, now, you're outta there. This has to be communicated in no uncertain terms. But the other necessary condition you have no control over. Your husband has to be 150% committed to changing. Not "trying," not talking about it, demonstrating real change now. They of course will say they're committed, but the proof is in the pudding. And you can't make someone want you. If they're not on board for real, willing to tangibly demonstrate this now and over the long run, forget it. IF you have these conditions in place, a marriage counselor can be helpful IF they understand sexless marriages. Date nights and communication exercises aren't going to fix this, and if a therapist doesn't get that, you're wasting your time. I mention all this in case you're wondering if you can "fix it." Unless all these conditions are in place, and they usually aren't, the answer is no. It will never change, leaving you with the aforementioned three choices.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 24, 2016 12:47:40 GMT -5
notenjoyinglife44, you are in the right place. Your story sounds like our stories. It's a sad place to have to be, but many of us have found a lot of help and support here. I suggest reading some members' stories, and then maybe concentrating on the ones that remind you the most of your own situation.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 24, 2016 16:42:31 GMT -5
Hi! I am new to this. just found this website. I have been in a relationship for 20 years, sex hasn't been great the past few years, then all of a sudden we haven't had sex in a year. a year, nothing. we don't kiss, we don't hold hands, we don't say I love you, we don't cuddle, nothing. I like all those things and we did them all before, but not anymore. I have spoke with him about it on numerous occasions and nothing has changed and I'm sick of talking. I want sex, I'm so sexually frustrated it is ridiculous. please someone help me because I don't know what else to do. I divorced my ex and my marriage was awful but looking back there's that part of me that feels I should have said ten years ago the following: "A marriage without sex and affection doesn't work for me. I do not plan to stay married to you unless things change. I need you to have sex with me at least once a week and and act like my pussy is like finding a lake in a desert. You better do x,y, and z and do it enthusiastically. If not we will be done". So my advice is to tell him what you need, put your cards on the table and make him communicate. If he refuses then figure out what will make your life happy.
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life77
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Age Range: 36-40
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Post by life77 on Aug 31, 2016 17:13:32 GMT -5
Hello, I stumbled across this site last night and found it interesting, there are more of me out here! Well i'll be bouncing around the different topics and I'll see you there.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 31, 2016 17:16:22 GMT -5
Hello, I stumbled across this site last night and found it interesting, there are more of me out here! Well i'll be bouncing around the different topics and I'll see you there. Sorry you have found yourself here but welcome. Read a lot here it helps and lots of good people for support.
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life77
New Member
Posts: 15
Age Range: 36-40
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Post by life77 on Aug 31, 2016 17:28:01 GMT -5
Hi all. I stumbled across this interesting site a few nights ago and glad to know there are similar situations as mine. I'll be bouncing around random topics and hope to see you there. Later
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Post by angelonearth on Sept 3, 2016 4:25:22 GMT -5
Hi all. I found this site while googling about my situation (sexless marriage). I am looking forward to learning my way around but for now it's comforting to know that I am not alone.
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