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Post by callisto on Nov 10, 2016 11:32:33 GMT -5
Hi all, Don't know if you have read below article and accompanying comments: 'Marriage is at its heart a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s a legal friendship.' Also the point that someone makes in terms of marriage and the concept of monogamy within a marriage- 'If there's no sex, there's no monogamy....' As a personal aside it is with some small horror (a mini cascade of a flaccid sandcastle) that I realise in terms of my own marriage we have not had sex since way before the article was even published and that was in May 2010. marriedmansexlife.com/2010/05/the-natural-consequences-of-a-sexless-marriage/#comments |
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 10, 2016 15:07:08 GMT -5
Jesus. That hits the nail on the head.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 10, 2016 17:04:12 GMT -5
Hi all, Don't know if you have read below article and accompanying comments: 'Marriage is at its heart a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s a legal friendship.' Also the point that someone makes in terms of marriage and the concept of monogamy within a marriage- 'If there's no sex, there's no monogamy....' As a personal aside it is with some small horror (a mini cascade of a flaccid sandcastle) that I realise in terms of my own marriage we have not had sex since way before the article was even published and that was in May 2010. marriedmansexlife.com/2010/05/the-natural-consequences-of-a-sexless-marriage/#commentsI've just drafted an email to the dud of this article. I'm too scared to send it. Any thoughts anyone? |
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 10, 2016 17:10:15 GMT -5
You're out of town. Get your ducks in a row to stay with family or friends when you get back. Get the kids ready to make moves. Sit on it tonight. Reread the article and email in the morning. Revise as necessary. Send. Don't look at any responses until tomorrow evening.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 10, 2016 17:21:56 GMT -5
You're out of town. Get your ducks in a row to stay with family or friends when you get back. Get the kids ready to make moves. Sit on it tonight. Reread the article and email in the morning. Revise as necessary. Send. Don't look at any responses until tomorrow evening. I really really want him to fucking get it. I've pissed around so much he really believes I'll just stay forever. He tried to offer me oral sex last night in exchange for me allowing him to get his weed on his tab with one of his dealers. Wanker. Oh hang on. He doesn't even do that! I told him how pathetic that was and that I knew even if I was desperate enough to agree to that... which I'm NOT ... that he wouldnt follow through anyway. He got the weed on tab while I was in the bath. There was no sex of any kind mentioned after his first spliff. Even if he was naked with the hardest hard on ever I wouldn't want him now anyway. Totally turned off by him. I might send him this anonymously. Head battered a bit! |
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Post by unmatched on Nov 10, 2016 19:19:45 GMT -5
You're out of town. Get your ducks in a row to stay with family or friends when you get back. Get the kids ready to make moves. Sit on it tonight. Reread the article and email in the morning. Revise as necessary. Send. Don't look at any responses until tomorrow evening. I really really want him to fucking get it. I've pissed around so much he really believes I'll just stay forever. He tried to offer me oral sex last night in exchange for me allowing him to get his weed on his tab with one of his dealers. Wanker. Oh hang on. He doesn't even do that! I told him how pathetic that was and that I knew even if I was desperate enough to agree to that... which I'm NOT ... that he wouldnt follow through anyway. He got the weed on tab while I was in the bath. There was no sex of any kind mentioned after his first spliff. Even if he was naked with the hardest hard on ever I wouldn't want him now anyway. Totally turned off by him. I might send him this anonymously. Head battered a bit! Why do you want him to get it? What difference is it going to make? He knows how you feel. It is quite likely that he might not believe you are going to do anything about it. But if he finally comes to believe you, then what? Either it won't make any difference at all (which seems most likely, given his overall level of being a useless fucking waste of space). Or he will try and work out how much minimal begrudging sex he can get away with to keep his meal and weed ticket going. Or if you are really really lucky, he will have some kind of epiphany and realise how much he loves you, and will manage to actually have real sex with you for a bit. And you will be a little less miserable than you are now for the next few months until he subsides back into his usual pathetic mess. At which point you will have lost all your mojo for leaving and be back to square one. Given who he is, there is no upside here. |
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Post by baza on Nov 10, 2016 21:17:42 GMT -5
Sister EO, send / communicate NOTHING until you have your legal advice, your exit strategy and your support network in place.
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Post by baza on Nov 10, 2016 21:20:38 GMT -5
Sister callisto, thanks for the link.
The authors summary -
"There are only three possible outcomes to the sexless marriage story. First option is that the ignored spouse just continues on and suffers for the rest of the marriage. This is the default ending that most people live though for a while. The second option is that the spouse leaves the marriage seeking new love. The third is that the spouse stays in the marriage, but pursues other relationships for sex.
I don’t advance any of these options as being superior to the other, I’m just saying that these are the natural consequences of one spouse cutting the other off sexually".
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There's the 3 options in a nutshell.
And, you have to choose one, in fact, you already have usually.
The default option.
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Make no mistake, you ARE choosing this, of your own free will.
The key issue is whether you are going to keep choosing it.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2016 23:16:31 GMT -5
Hi all, Don't know if you have read below article and accompanying comments: 'Marriage is at its heart a sexual relationship. Without the sex it’s a legal friendship.' Also the point that someone makes in terms of marriage and the concept of monogamy within a marriage- 'If there's no sex, there's no monogamy....' As a personal aside it is with some small horror (a mini cascade of a flaccid sandcastle) that I realise in terms of my own marriage we have not had sex since way before the article was even published and that was in May 2010. marriedmansexlife.com/2010/05/the-natural-consequences-of-a-sexless-marriage/#commentsI've just drafted an email to the dud of this article. I'm too scared to send it. Any thoughts anyone? He may or may not get it but it won't change anything. He's a lost cause so focus on you. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 11, 2016 0:17:12 GMT -5
I really really want him to fucking get it. I've pissed around so much he really believes I'll just stay forever. He tried to offer me oral sex last night in exchange for me allowing him to get his weed on his tab with one of his dealers. Wanker. Oh hang on. He doesn't even do that! I told him how pathetic that was and that I knew even if I was desperate enough to agree to that... which I'm NOT ... that he wouldnt follow through anyway. He got the weed on tab while I was in the bath. There was no sex of any kind mentioned after his first spliff. Even if he was naked with the hardest hard on ever I wouldn't want him now anyway. Totally turned off by him. I might send him this anonymously. Head battered a bit! Why do you want him to get it? What difference is it going to make? He knows how you feel. It is quite likely that he might not believe you are going to do anything about it. But if he finally comes to believe you, then what? Either it won't make any difference at all (which seems most likely, given his overall level of being a useless fucking waste of space). Or he will try and work out how much minimal begrudging sex he can get away with to keep his meal and weed ticket going. Or if you are really really lucky, he will have some kind of epiphany and realise how much he loves you, and will manage to actually have real sex with you for a bit. And you will be a little less miserable than you are now for the next few months until he subsides back into his usual pathetic mess. At which point you will have lost all your mojo for leaving and be back to square one. Given who he is, there is no upside here. You are right unmatched. I dont need him to understand. That's me wanting everything to sit nicely as it should. To make myself feel less guilty. ". Or if you are really really lucky, he will have some kind of epiphany and realise how much he loves you, and will manage to actually have real sex with you for a bit. " BUT.... this would be a nightmare for me! I really don't want him anymore. It's so hard 🙈 |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Nov 11, 2016 0:18:53 GMT -5
Shitty default option. Grrrr.
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Post by angryspartan on Nov 11, 2016 1:19:37 GMT -5
You're out of town. Get your ducks in a row to stay with family or friends when you get back. Get the kids ready to make moves. Sit on it tonight. Reread the article and email in the morning. Revise as necessary. Send. Don't look at any responses until tomorrow evening. I really really want him to fucking get it. I've pissed around so much he really believes I'll just stay forever. He tried to offer me oral sex last night in exchange for me allowing him to get his weed on his tab with one of his dealers. Wanker. Oh hang on. He doesn't even do that! I told him how pathetic that was and that I knew even if I was desperate enough to agree to that... which I'm NOT ... that he wouldnt follow through anyway. He got the weed on tab while I was in the bath. There was no sex of any kind mentioned after his first spliff. Even if he was naked with the hardest hard on ever I wouldn't want him now anyway. Totally turned off by him. I might send him this anonymously. Head battered a bit! Im going to be blunt.....at some point you are going to realize this tool is a tool. The longer you staybwith said tool, the more life you will be wasting. Cut the cord already and gonout and find someone to rock your world. |
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Post by baza on Nov 11, 2016 2:00:19 GMT -5
Brother Red's synopsis is very sound.
Sort your own shit out, and the rest of it will sort itself out.
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Post by cagedtiger on Nov 11, 2016 6:32:19 GMT -5
Athol Kay. His work seems to be one of the foundation stones of the Red Pill,MRP (Married Red Pill) & America's Men's movement. I don't think any of their strategies have any great a success rate once you've moved from jaded to shithole. Some stuff of interest if you're willing to sift through a lot of misogynistic bull shit, players and macho posturing. The best stuff I found? It's not you it's them. Work on becoming a better you regardless of the prospective outcome of the relationship. Married Red Pill? That's a thing? That's... Sad. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2016 7:19:51 GMT -5
You're out of town. Get your ducks in a row to stay with family or friends when you get back. Get the kids ready to make moves. Sit on it tonight. Reread the article and email in the morning. Revise as necessary. Send. Don't look at any responses until tomorrow evening. I really really want him to fucking get it. I've pissed around so much he really believes I'll just stay forever. He tried to offer me oral sex last night in exchange for me allowing him to get his weed on his tab with one of his dealers. Wanker. Oh hang on. He doesn't even do that! I told him how pathetic that was and that I knew even if I was desperate enough to agree to that... which I'm NOT ... that he wouldnt follow through anyway. He got the weed on tab while I was in the bath. There was no sex of any kind mentioned after his first spliff. Even if he was naked with the hardest hard on ever I wouldn't want him now anyway. Totally turned off by him. I might send him this anonymously. Head battered a bit! He owes money to drug dealers? |
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