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Post by bballgirl on Nov 8, 2016 16:12:50 GMT -5
BBgirl, Well actually I think I need to throw caution to the wind- I don't feel I have enough time left on this planet to remain subjugated in a sexless marriage. Unfortunately my husband has not condoned my sexual relationship with another man. I have to be faithful to him (despite the fact he is not interested in sex) or be divorced. Why do you need his permission to have sex? I understand you don't want a divorce and outsourcing comes with that risk but there are ways to be smart about not getting caught. Of the three choices I advocate most for divorce if an open marriage is not an option. Second comes outsourcing. Celibacy is not an option in my book. |
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Post by callisto on Nov 8, 2016 17:27:00 GMT -5
I'll summarise: five years ago I fell for a man, a goodfriend's husband, having known each other half of our lives.. We did nothing and resolved not to even see each other - he eventually separated from his wife a few years ago because of his feelings for me and we've had an unbelievable time for a year. I did not feel guilty about my husband and figured what difference did it make to my marriage, I don't even sleep in same room as spouse. I fact it all worked perfectly for me. This Summer for complicated reasons I had to own up ( we had been discovered and I didn't want my husband to be publicly cuckolded ).
Anyway, my h forgave me after a week, even admitted it was partly his fault for not ever going near me. He has since swept the whole thing under the carpet and life carries on for him as normal, he never talks about it. For a brief moment a fissure had opened where I could bring up the topic of lack of intimacy. I told him how it had hurt me all these years of enforced celibacy and how sorrowful I was that we had never had a physical relationship. When I tried to raise topic again a month later and explain why I would have to leave him, he just hotly scorned me for suggesting risking all we'd striven for, 'for a few shags'.
So, it is either back into my SM box to stay -relinquish what may be my one opportunity for a meaningful relationship .. or jump and loose my financial security and home.
And I know I can't base my decision on AP-but I can base my decision on the ensuing reality of another 20 years or more of SM..
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 8, 2016 17:50:48 GMT -5
I'll summarise: five years ago I fell for a man, a goodfriend's husband, having known each other half of our lives.. We did nothing and resolved not to even see each other - he eventually separated from his wife a few years ago because of his feelings for me and we've had an unbelievable time for a year. I did not feel guilty about my husband and figured what difference did it make to my marriage, I don't even sleep in same room as spouse. I fact it all worked perfectly for me. This Summer for complicated reasons I had to own up ( we had been discovered and I didn't want my husband to be publicly cuckolded ). Anyway, my h forgave me after a week, even admitted it was partly his fault for not ever going near me. He has since swept the whole thing under the carpet and life carries on for him as normal, he never talks about it. For a brief moment a fissure had opened where I could bring up the topic of lack of intimacy. I told him how it had hurt me all these years of enforced celibacy and how sorrowful I was that we had never had a physical relationship. When I tried to raise topic again a month later and explain why I would have to leave him, he just hotly scorned me for suggesting risking all we'd striven for, 'for a few shags'. So, it is either back into my SM box to stay -relinquish what may be my one opportunity for a meaningful relationship .. or jump and loose my financial security and home. And I know I can't base my decision on AP-but I can base my decision on the ensuing reality of another 20 years or more of SM.. I understand. Yeah you sort of have to behave now. Life isn't easy but try to find ways to bring some happiness to your life. |
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Post by baza on Nov 8, 2016 18:05:57 GMT -5
Yes indeed, you can base your choice on " the ensuing reality of another 20 years or more of SM".
In fact, that is the best basis possible to make your call on, as it is based on fact.
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Now it would also be highly prudent to get your thinking out ahead a bit, and start thinking of how you'd like your life to look post ILIASNM shithole, and the choices necessary to give yourself the best shot at making that a reality. That's theory.
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"If" you can get those two motivations (fear and hope) working FOR you, rather than against you, then you'll fly.
Fear of the sub-optimal situation continuing - a very powerful motivator.
Hope of a new and better future - harder to grasp, but another powerful motivator.
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Post by callisto on Nov 8, 2016 18:06:09 GMT -5
I'm not going to behave- have had enough behaving and soon enough all I will be capable of is sucking tea through a bleeding straw!
I will just have to loose,'my worldly goods', can't do this anymore - living under the hegemony of the SM.
Just need to brace myself for my fall...
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Post by callisto on Nov 8, 2016 18:08:04 GMT -5
... Or flight!
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