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Post by Dan on Nov 9, 2016 14:30:23 GMT -5
Now I daydream about just walking away and never turning back... The day dream includes winning the lottery... Funny: my "daydream escape from the marriage" also includes a winning lottery ticket. In the mean time, I'm scrounging around for rungs. Some are given to me by my friends here; some I can find laying around; others I'm whittling myself out of random lumber. So at least: making progress. |
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Post by Dan on Nov 9, 2016 14:40:47 GMT -5
... The women will band together, but while the guys will refuse to take sides they will keep a safe distance too. : sucks about the husbands feeling the need to distance themselves from you. In my and my wife's fairly small circle of close friends, there are two divorced women, one widow, one in a terrible marriage, and one healthy couple. I get along with all these women great (and that one husband); they are true friends of mine. Even our kids are all close. Hands down, I am closer to these women than my wife is. (She is just a bit cantankerous, and is awkward around men and women equally.) For example, if I haven't seen them for a while, I call to check on them, and we'll swap stories about the nice or stupid things are kids are doing. One evening my wife couldn't be bothered to join us, and I found myself at the kitchen table with these women talking about recipes, menopause, and our mothers. I tell you: I'm "one of the ladies" substantially more than my wife is. I very much assume these women will rally around my wife. Well, I don't mind that they'll give her support; she'll need it. But I presume I will lose most of those friendships. That thought really, really stings. If it plays out that way, I will miss their friendship even more than I will miss the modest companionship of my wife. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2016 15:19:09 GMT -5
Now I daydream about just walking away and never turning back... The day dream includes winning the lottery... Funny: my "daydream escape from the marriage" also includes a winning lottery ticket. In the mean time, I'm scrounging around for rungs. Some are given to me by my friends here; some I can find laying around; others I'm whittling myself out of random lumber. So at least: making progress. @dan Excellent point! You cannot expect all the rungs to be given to you! You do need to figure out, quite often sometimes, how to make your own rungs so you can make progress. |
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Post by Dan on Nov 9, 2016 16:04:05 GMT -5
However, I stood my ground and passionately explained that we have only heard one side of the story from someone that is emotionally wounded and in need of support and healing, and likewise the other partner needs and deserves the same from us. We were all friends of BOTH partners in that relationship until the wife decided to air her grievances to the collective female group. : props to you for standing your ground. I'm in a similar situation: my brother just went though a messy divorce. My sister-in-law (who is actually more congenial than my brother) is convinced that not only was there was an affair, and that a great deal of money was spent on it. My hunch is: some portion of that is true. But MY WIFE is taking it SO HARD that we "no longer see them and the cousins for the holidays"; believes everything the SIL says; believes that there the SIL had no part in the marital discord that lead to this mess... ... but she has only hear the SIL's side of the story! I feel I can still be friends with both. (Like I said, I actually like my SIL better!) But even that notion gets my wife riled up... |
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