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Post by callisto on Oct 25, 2016 18:01:10 GMT -5
I don't even remember how many years ago now that it was ... When I realised that I actually hid myself when in a state of undress from my husband precisely because of his entire lack of interest ,.. Turned me almost into a prude who kept clothes on at all times for there is nothing more depressing than your only hope of a sexual partner..ie your spouse not in the least bit titillated by the sight of your flesh.
For years I have slept in warm flannel Pj's in my own room cuddling my dog. Thank goodness for the dear creature.
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 25, 2016 20:33:51 GMT -5
No, W is pretty indifferent to how I style myself. I dress like a lawyer during the week and a laborer on the weekend, to my own preference. She did choose my aftershave, but reacts like it's repellant. It gets nice comments from other ladies, though.
I've had a closely trimmed beard for most of the past 20 years. She's been indifferent at every opportunity to vote on it.
I shaved it off a few years ago to see if she might see me as more kissable; that was a complete failure. But I caught a serious ration of shit at work because the timing coincided with becoming the mentor to a hot young intern. (Trust me, shaving is not an improvement for this face, and she had far better options than me, but that didn't stop the snickering.)
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Post by solodriver on Oct 25, 2016 23:13:11 GMT -5
My stbx had strong opinions about everything. Including my clothes. He didn't like high heels and anthing sexy. He doesn't like colored underwear. (too unpractical with washing according to him). I dressed simple and boring most of the time and apparently that was fine. I am catching up with that now. He didn't like make-up. I used to wear only eye-liner. I don't like make-up that much myself but I am using a little more now. He didn't want me to use perfume. I have bought some now. He didn't want me to use all kinds of things with strong smells. He didn't like certain colors. He didn't like me wearing jeans. He didn't like my curves. Whenever he saw me naked, I could count on his comments about me having to lose weight. We need to swap spouses tamara68. My wife won't dress or smell or try to be sexy in any way. I would love to be around a woman who does those things. I guess we don't need to ask about his opinion on sexy bed clothes. Don't worry my wife has worn any of her nighties in 20 years now.
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Post by Dan on Oct 26, 2016 8:39:04 GMT -5
My stbx had strong opinions about everything. Including my clothes. He didn't like high heels and anthing sexy. He doesn't like colored underwear. (too unpractical with washing according to him). I dressed simple and boring most of the time and apparently that was fine. I am catching up with that now. He didn't like make-up. I used to wear only eye-liner. I don't like make-up that much myself but I am using a little more now. He didn't want me to use perfume. I have bought some now. He didn't want me to use all kinds of things with strong smells. He didn't like certain colors. He didn't like me wearing jeans. He didn't like my curves. Whenever he saw me naked, I could count on his comments about me having to lose weight. I LOVE HEARING about this phase of getting out of the SM and away from one's refuser. It is like the tulips and daffodils -- hidden in winter, finally daring to peek out at the first sign of spring warmth. Pushing up tightly formed buds... that slowly swell... and the first few start to unfurl. And we all know that soon the whole field will be redolent and ablaze with color. It is "The Blossoming of Tamara" |
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Post by tamara68 on Oct 26, 2016 9:04:38 GMT -5
Dan The list of things my stbx doesn't like is much much longer. I enjoy the - pushing up the buds - phase lol With everything I do differently than before, I am very aware of the change. Wearing dresses more often now with tights, bought some sexy underwear. Unfortunately I couldn't find purple in my size. But at least not only white anymore. And it is getting washed as it should (no longer on 60C). solodriver sexy bed clothes, I have been thinking about that. I think when it comes in handy, I will probably not need any bed clothes at all  . Choosing colors for my home is great. Bold colors, with warm copper and orange accents. It is looking very good. And going to add my own paintings on the wall. The blossoming of Tamara, that is what it feels like
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Post by iceman on Oct 26, 2016 10:43:15 GMT -5
My hub has always had a beard. It suits him. Even though I don't mind beards, I'd like to experience the novelty of a cleanly shaved face. As for my appearance, Hub will ask me "Is that what you're wearing?". If I say yes, he shrugs his shoulder and says "Okay." Being a pleaser, it was a big step for me to not go back into the closet and change into something I know he likes. Another big step for me was cutting my hair. My hair is wavy, but fine and thin. If it's long it is a fuzzy mess. Short, I can have a trendy cut that is flattering. He has never let go of this. He told me that he married a woman with long hair, not a woman with short hair. In my mind I said "I married a man that promised to love me." What if an AP insisted that the lady/gentleman dress in a style that she/he is not entirely comfortable? What should they do? OOH that brings up a whole other other issue of the bedroom. I presume there is a lot of flannel PJ's out there. As for AP are we talking clothes we wear to starbucks or up against a wall in hotel bedroom, because I imagine a lover wouldn't appreciate a flannel nightie and crochet slippers? Personally, I wouldn't mind if my wife or lover (not that I have one) wore flannel as long as they were into sex. Actual desire is far more sexy than what they wear. Sure I'd prefer something more sexy than flannel but it wouldn't stay on very long anyway. That's another point of contention I have with my wife. When we were having very infrequent sex she wore flannel and then resisted actually getting naked when we had sex. I realize sex while partially clothed can be sexy, as in your too horny to take the time to get completely undressed or you're having sex in a place where you might be caught, but in the privacy of our bedroom? WTF?? I do my part, nothing but low rise briefs to bed year-round, not that she notices ...  |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 26, 2016 12:06:24 GMT -5
You must have had a camera in my bedroom...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2016 12:35:31 GMT -5
I don't even remember how many years ago now that it was ... When I realised that I actually hid myself when in a state of undress from my husband precisely because of his entire lack of interest ,.. Turned me almost into a prude who kept clothes on at all times for there is nothing more depressing than your only hope of a sexual partner..ie your spouse not in the least bit titillated by the sight of your flesh. For years I have slept in warm flannel Pj's in my own room cuddling my dog. Thank goodness for the dear creature. Yes. I was so hurt by the fact that he didn't notice me...even when I looked pretty good....that I stopped undressing in front of him. |
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Post by callisto on Oct 26, 2016 14:47:14 GMT -5
Smartkat,
You are the only other female I've ever (not) met who has had this experience : / Jeez what a thing to feel in common.
Did you avoid the underwear aisles too?
I almost couldn't read a sex scene in a book for I felt nearly jealous of the characters!
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 26, 2016 21:22:14 GMT -5
OOH that brings up a whole other other issue of the bedroom. I presume there is a lot of flannel PJ's out there. As for AP are we talking clothes we wear to starbucks or up against a wall in hotel bedroom, because I imagine a lover wouldn't appreciate a flannel nightie and crochet slippers? Personally, I wouldn't mind if my wife or lover (not that I have one) wore flannel as long as they were into sex. Actual desire is far more sexy than what they wear. Sure I'd prefer something more sexy than flannel but it wouldn't stay on very long anyway. That's another point of contention I have with my wife. When we were having very infrequent sex she wore flannel and then resisted actually getting naked when we had sex. I realize sex while partially clothed can be sexy, as in your too horny to take the time to get completely undressed or you're having sex in a place where you might be caught, but in the privacy of our bedroom? WTF?? I do my part, nothing but low rise briefs to bed year-round, not that she notices ... Flannel is fine as long as it's low cut and crotchless.  |
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Post by solodriver on Oct 27, 2016 0:00:46 GMT -5
Dan The list of things my stbx doesn't like is much much longer. I enjoy the - pushing up the buds - phase lol With everything I do differently than before, I am very aware of the change. Wearing dresses more often now with tights, bought some sexy underwear. Unfortunately I couldn't find purple in my size. But at least not only white anymore. And it is getting washed as it should (no longer on 60C). solodriver sexy bed clothes, I have been thinking about that. I think when it comes in handy, I will probably not need any bed clothes at all . Choosing colors for my home is great. Bold colors, with warm copper and orange accents. It is looking very good. And going to add my own paintings on the wall. The blossoming of Tamara, that is what it feels like Tamara68, believe me when I say that no matter how sexy the woman's nighties are, they won't be staying on her with me!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2016 9:49:41 GMT -5
Smartkat, You are the only other female I've ever (not) met who has had this experience : / Jeez what a thing to feel in common. Did you avoid the underwear aisles too? I almost couldn't read a sex scene in a book for I felt nearly jealous of the characters! Yes, all of this. If the TV was on and there was a makeout scene, sometimes I had to leave the room. |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 27, 2016 10:10:07 GMT -5
No, W is pretty indifferent to how I style myself. I dress like a lawyer during the week and a laborer on the weekend, to my own preference. She did choose my aftershave, but reacts like it's repellant. It gets nice comments from other ladies, though. I've had a closely trimmed beard for most of the past 20 years. She's been indifferent at every opportunity to vote on it. I shaved it off a few years ago to see if she might see me as more kissable; that was a complete failure. But I caught a serious ration of shit at work because the timing coincided with becoming the mentor to a hot young intern. (Trust me, shaving is not an improvement for this face, and she had far better options than me, but that didn't stop the snickering.) Many years ago we all gathered around as my hub shaved off his beard. Our daughter wanted to see what his face looked like. We discovered that my hub is one that needs the facial hair to strengthen his jawline. We voted that he should grow it back. A friend recently shaved off his beard. With facial hair, he was just another scruffy guy. Without it he is drop dead handsome. For god's sake don't grow it back! |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Oct 27, 2016 10:42:24 GMT -5
Smartkat, You are the only other female I've ever (not) met who has had this experience : / Jeez what a thing to feel in common. Did you avoid the underwear aisles too? I almost couldn't read a sex scene in a book for I felt nearly jealous of the characters! Yes, all of this. If the TV was on and there was a makeout scene, sometimes I had to leave the room. I went through all of that and back out again. With the encouragement of a friend, I stopped hiding my body. I have changed for the better in the past two years. Now, I sleep in a cami and pretty panties. I found very pretty bras that dont have that "full support" look. I undress in front of him and talk to him while I stand naked. He noticed my personal grooming and quickly turned away. I could tell by the look on his face that he found it disturbing. It's actually kind of interesting that he won't look at me. I'm wearing more dresses, lower cut tops, tighter jeans and leggings. You dont have to leave your ILIASM shithole to start embracing your feminine beauty. Its scary at first, but once you get the hang of it it is fun! |
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Post by DryCreek on Oct 27, 2016 14:00:57 GMT -5
I went through all of that and back out again. With the encouragement of a friend, I stopped hiding my body. I have changed for the better in the past two years. Now, I sleep in a cami and pretty panties. I found very pretty bras that dont have that "full support" look. I undress in front of him and talk to him while I stand naked. He noticed my personal grooming and quickly turned away. I could tell by the look on his face that he found it disturbing. It's actually kind of interesting that he won't look at me. I'm wearing more dresses, lower cut tops, tighter jeans and leggings. You dont have to leave your ILIASM shithole to start embracing your feminine beauty. Its scary at first, but once you get the hang of it it is fun! If your husband had half a brain, he'd wonder if the increased "femininity" was the sign of an affair. And be motivated to do something about it. |
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