I'm not responsible for your happiness

Several months.
Trigger? I don't know. I do know that they were members of the same church as Wife and I, and I know the leadership involved. There was support for both of them and counseling. I was not in on the counseling or decision-making, so I couldn't tell you who "initiated" reconciliation. But by using the word "reconciliation", you invite in the entire restoration process. If you meant to ask who suggested she move back in, again, I was not privy to their counseling sessions.

Trust takes time, so Debbie had to be involved with Marshall to learn to trust. Your question about Marshall learning to trust himself was insightful. I will say that through AA he learned more about himself than he did through his church, and so I can't say that anyone ever comes to that level of self-trust. The late, great Rich Mullins had a song with a statement, "I doubt myself, I doubt my eyes." 

And, no, they never did write a first-hand account. The reason I know their story is that we attended the same church, and lived in the second floor apartment over their first floor apartment. Also, Wife and Debbie taught at the same small Christian school; Debbie was my son's first guitar teacher and led singing at the church we attended back in the 80's. 

My wife says she doesn't touch me in any affectionate way because she's afraid that I will take it as her trying to initiate sex. Normally, that's not true at all. However, the only time she does touch me, affectionately or otherwise, is when she's trying to tell me that she would be agreeable to sex. Yeah, that's about as enthusiastic as she gets. She's can't really say she wants to have sex but she wouldn't scream if I jumped her. With a come-on like that how could I resist??? Anyway, the point is that she won't touch me because she's afraid I'll take it as a sexual come-on but the only time she touches me is when it is a sexual come-on, even though it's a really pathetic come-on, so what am I supposed to think when she touches me? She's engaged in a self-fulfilling prophecy. My wife is big on creating self-fulfilling prophecies about a lot of things. It allows her to justify her irrational thoughts. 'See, I told you this was going to happen...'

There is a best seller titled "Refusing For Dummies"

That's on page one. Below it "all you think about is sex". Below that "you're only being affectionate because you want sex".

It could have been a one page book but it's 105 pages. We've all heard every idea on those 105 pages...

You're looking at the back end of a LT SM and I'm looking at how it got there.

iceman My wife is similar in that she usually doesn't touch me except to balance herself when she leans over to kiss me goodnight before she goes to sleep in another room. She regularly wears her wedding ring, says "I love you" before bedtime each night and most times we talk on the phone, but won't sleep in the same room because she "needs her sleep", won't kiss passionately because she thinks that is for high schoolers, refuses to initiate sex because she thinks that is the man's job, refuses to cuddle in bed or otherwise because she says she likes her personal space and it generates to much body heat, yet she snuggles with two big dogs and sleeps with heavy blankets all year long, and I can't recall the last time we even shared a genuine hug. And I'm talking about the best of times.

Now for the kicker.... She believes it is cruelty to animals if dogs aren't walked and loved on everyday, but she believes a man doesn't require hugs and affection, and he should be able to control his urges to "get his rocks off" no more than once a month, or even less. She won't admit it, but she treats sex as a reward to be earned and to be doled out sparingly in marriage. Yet this same woman has admitted to being promiscuous before we met, even occasionally sleeping with two different men on the same day.

She he has said to me before "I was really in the mood the other night, but you completely ignored the signs." Of course, I ask why she waited until several days later to tell me instead of telling him in the moment, to which she responds "I shouldn't have to tell you, you should just know!" However, there are no signs. No provocative looks, no innuendo, no telltale sign or subtle clues, no flirtyness, no touching, nothing. Zero. Zilch. Nada. A few years ago, I basically gave up trying because it was exhausting and depressing to get my hopes up only to be rejected so frequently.