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Post by Deleted on Apr 13, 2016 21:36:04 GMT -5
Okay, I knew this was going to be hard. My son and I are really close and enjoy being together, so last week when my STBX asked me to keep our son on "his" week (he's starting a new job and wanted to be able to go in early), I was more than happy to say yes. Tonight is the first time I've had to wave goodbye to my boy and watch him walk away for a week with his dad. I know it could be worse - at least I still get to see him after school every day - but it's still seriously hard. I am grateful that my STBX loves our son enough to insist on 50% custody and I pointed that out to our son today when he was resisting going to his dad's, but damn it's hard to watch him go. Maybe at some point, I'll enjoy having a little freedom, but right now I hate this. I'm not saying he shouldn't spend time with his dad, just that I already miss the hell out of him. This part of divorce is horrible.
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Post by TMD on Apr 13, 2016 21:49:24 GMT -5
I can't even imagine how hard this is. Hoping you will find some things to do to occupy your time. Out of curiosity, did you consider a 2/2/3 schedule, or any others?
Am Not there yet. I spent some time the other day trying to figure out a schedule. My spouse flies out/in for work weekly. I would agree to 50/50, but that would mean I would never get a weekend with the kids. Instead I would get the business of school, homework, after school activities. He won't be happy when I propose the custody schedule. But I hope he knows that when he has time off, etc., I'll gladly share the time with him. And should his work become local again, I'd agree to sharing 50/50.
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Post by unmatched on Apr 13, 2016 21:51:42 GMT -5
I am sorry, that must be really hard. Whenever I think about separating that is the thing that I find absolutely the hardest to get my head around.
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mariposa43
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Post by mariposa43 on Apr 14, 2016 6:59:51 GMT -5
Hugs, Mountainrunner. I am so sorry. This is the part I am dreading.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 8:46:37 GMT -5
I can't even imagine how hard this is. Hoping you will find some things to do to occupy your time. Out of curiosity, did you consider a 2/2/3 schedule, or any others? Am Not there yet. I spent some time the other day trying to figure out a schedule. My spouse flies out/in for work weekly. I would agree to 50/50, but that would mean I would never get a weekend with the kids. Instead I would get the business of school, homework, after school activities. He won't be happy when I propose the custody schedule. But I hope he knows that when he has time off, etc., I'll gladly share the time with him. And should his work become local again, I'd agree to sharing 50/50. My STBX was highly insistent on 50/50 and honestly, it's one of the few things he's insisted on that I can actually get behind because it's driven by love instead of a need to control or punish me. Even with all the hell he's putting me through right now, I firmly believe that in this one area, his heart is in the right place. I'm glad you're being careful building your schedule - you definitely need some weekends with your kids! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 9:01:34 GMT -5
Wow, the house is quiet this morning - no dog to walk (the dog goes with the boy), no breakfast to cook or lunch to pack. I even got to sleep in a little. I ended up talking to a friend on the phone and then reading last night until I fell asleep so I got through the night okay. I certainly have plenty to do to keep my mind occupied since I'm still surrounded by boxes, but last night and this morning I'm just sitting with this. Letting all the thoughts and feelings wash over me without trying to filter them. I miss my son, but I'll see him later today. I may hug him a little tighter than usual, but I think he'll understand. There's no way around this sadness, it's a natural consequence of my situation and trying to deny or avoid it doesn't feel right to me. I know I'll be okay eventually and so will my kids - that helps a little. It helps more to know that my children know that I love them fiercely and that I would never have done this if I hadn't felt driven to it. So, today I'll hug my boy tight and tell him I love him and that I missed him and I'll call his sister (she's in college) and tell her I love and miss her, too. I'm no less their mother because I didn't sleep under the same roof last night.
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 14, 2016 9:57:41 GMT -5
A big hug for you! It does get easier. It's an adjustment
for everyone. Kids are more resilient than we
give them credit for and in the end you did
the right thing. Just as you want your kids to
be happy, they want their parents happy too.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 17:08:27 GMT -5
I can't even imagine how hard this is. Hoping you will find some things to do to occupy your time. Out of curiosity, did you consider a 2/2/3 schedule, or any others? Am Not there yet. I spent some time the other day trying to figure out a schedule. My spouse flies out/in for work weekly. I would agree to 50/50, but that would mean I would never get a weekend with the kids. Instead I would get the business of school, homework, after school activities. He won't be happy when I propose the custody schedule. But I hope he knows that when he has time off, etc., I'll gladly share the time with him. And should his work become local again, I'd agree to sharing 50/50. TMD, I hope you don't end up stuck with all the hassles (school stuff, doctor's appointments, etc.) while he gets to be the fun parent and only have them on weekends and during school breaks. If he really wants to parent, he needs to do some of the tedious stuff, too. Don't let him stick you with all the work. |
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 14, 2016 17:35:41 GMT -5
Wow, the house is quiet this morning - no dog to walk (the dog goes with the boy), no breakfast to cook or lunch to pack. I even got to sleep in a little. This is one of the selfish positives to 50/50 custody. You get some genuine no-shit personal time, which you probably never got much of before. When it comes time to date, you'll actually have complete freedom, which can even include some short getaway trips. And yeah, you need to make sure he carries his share of inconvenient doctors' visits, soccer taxi, etc. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2016 22:59:48 GMT -5
Wow, the house is quiet this morning - no dog to walk (the dog goes with the boy), no breakfast to cook or lunch to pack. I even got to sleep in a little. This is one of the selfish positives to 50/50 custody. You get some genuine no-shit personal time, which you probably never got much of before. When it comes time to date, you'll actually have complete freedom, which can even include some short getaway trips. And yeah, you need to make sure he carries his share of inconvenient doctors' visits, soccer taxi, etc. Years ago I had a coworker who had shared custody and she loved it. She could enjoy her time with her kids, but get to live like a real adult and have fun when it was her ex's turn to have them. |
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Post by bballgirl on Apr 15, 2016 6:18:37 GMT -5
This is one of the selfish positives to 50/50 custody. You get some genuine no-shit personal time, which you probably never got much of before. When it comes time to date, you'll actually have complete freedom, which can even include some short getaway trips. And yeah, you need to make sure he carries his share of inconvenient doctors' visits, soccer taxi, etc. Years ago I had a coworker who had shared custody and she loved it. She could enjoy her time with her kids, but get to live like a real adult and have fun when it was her ex's turn to have them. I have shared custody. I love my alone time! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2016 9:06:35 GMT -5
Morning #2 on my own and it's been another easygoing start to the day. I loved seeing my son yesterday after school, but it was pretty nice to cook a dinner for myself that I knew he wouldn't like and then sit down and watch a show on Netflix that he probably shouldn't watch ("Archer"). I still miss just having his presence around the apartment, but there are some benefits here. It really does help that I get to see him for a few hours after school, but I have to admit that I enjoyed my alone time last night and this morning.
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Post by DryCreek on Apr 15, 2016 9:12:48 GMT -5
Morning #2 on my own and it's been another easygoing start to the day. I loved seeing my son yesterday after school, but it was pretty nice to cook a dinner for myself that I knew he wouldn't like and then sit down and watch a show on Netflix that he probably shouldn't watch ("Archer"). I still miss just having his presence around the apartment, but there are some benefits here. It really does help that I get to see him for a few hours after school, but I have to admit that I enjoyed my alone time last night and this morning. LOL, I've seen Archer - that's one messed up group of writers. Good example of a cartoon that's definitely not for kids. Not unlike Deadpool.  |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2016 9:26:24 GMT -5
Morning #2 on my own and it's been another easygoing start to the day. I loved seeing my son yesterday after school, but it was pretty nice to cook a dinner for myself that I knew he wouldn't like and then sit down and watch a show on Netflix that he probably shouldn't watch ("Archer"). I still miss just having his presence around the apartment, but there are some benefits here. It really does help that I get to see him for a few hours after school, but I have to admit that I enjoyed my alone time last night and this morning. LOL, I've seen Archer - that's one messed up group of writers. Good example of a cartoon that's definitely not for kids. Not unlike Deadpool. Oh god, I LOVE Deadpool! |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2016 11:15:21 GMT -5
You can now go see the Deadpool movie. It is really good, but not for kids.
I am sorry about the custody. It will be hard to get used to.
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