Post by ggold on Oct 22, 2016 14:21:54 GMT -5
I had to engage him in conversation last night. The days leading to my birthday have been filled with anxiety. As I stated in an earlier post, in my mind another year has gone by living this way.
I began the dialogue by stating I was unhappy about my birthday and not because of my age. I said it was because I feel stuck. I don't want to hurt my children but I need my freedom. His first response was that he was sorry that I feel stuck and I could move out if I felt that way. His words stung. I never thought they would come out of his mouth. Then he proceeded to tell me that he consulted with a mediator about a month ago. I have no problem with him consulting but this is the first I have heard of it. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner. He said it is because he has been working with his therapist to help him learn how to communicate with me. Well, I don't think that's going too well considering we won't communicate about our marriage unless I bring the issue up!!! I explained that I thought it was good he consulted and he gave me some of the information he received. Bottom line is he said financially we would be screwed if we spit up. He claimed he calculated the numbers. I asked him if he clearly understood our marriage is over. He said yes but with hesitation. He also referred back to our few couples therapy sessions we had two summers ago that "gave him hope." (I told him to drop that one already!!)
My cousin and her husband are currently working out issues in their marriage. Her husband immediately began to try to turn things around. I told my husband this...that when the issue first arose, they both began working together to try to save the marriage. I explained, AGAIN, that I brought up our issues many times throughout the years and he did nothing, NOTHING to try and work things out with our lack of sex and intimacy.
Of course, he had his sad face on. I am not feeling sorry for him. I had a moment where I realized that I am an emotionally abused woman. I never recognized that in me. All this time, his inaction to address his issues and his avoidance KNOWING my feelings....abusive. This is not love. I told him he'd live like this until the end. He said no. Bullshit.
So now what? Today, on my 48th birthday I woke up feeling determined. I am going to also consult with the mediator that he met with. I want to hear the information for myself. I made it clear to him that I no longer want to be married. We need to figure out a plan for our kids, our home, our finances...together. If he is unwilling to work with me, I'll make my move.
I began reading Gabrielle Bernstein's book, The Universe Has Got Your Back. I am going to continue working on myself and find peace and listen to my inner guidance as I navigate myself out of this marriage and away from my refuser.
It's time. Please send me all the positive vibes you can. I'm going to need them.
Hugs to you all and thank you for your loving support.
I began the dialogue by stating I was unhappy about my birthday and not because of my age. I said it was because I feel stuck. I don't want to hurt my children but I need my freedom. His first response was that he was sorry that I feel stuck and I could move out if I felt that way. His words stung. I never thought they would come out of his mouth. Then he proceeded to tell me that he consulted with a mediator about a month ago. I have no problem with him consulting but this is the first I have heard of it. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner. He said it is because he has been working with his therapist to help him learn how to communicate with me. Well, I don't think that's going too well considering we won't communicate about our marriage unless I bring the issue up!!! I explained that I thought it was good he consulted and he gave me some of the information he received. Bottom line is he said financially we would be screwed if we spit up. He claimed he calculated the numbers. I asked him if he clearly understood our marriage is over. He said yes but with hesitation. He also referred back to our few couples therapy sessions we had two summers ago that "gave him hope." (I told him to drop that one already!!)
My cousin and her husband are currently working out issues in their marriage. Her husband immediately began to try to turn things around. I told my husband this...that when the issue first arose, they both began working together to try to save the marriage. I explained, AGAIN, that I brought up our issues many times throughout the years and he did nothing, NOTHING to try and work things out with our lack of sex and intimacy.
Of course, he had his sad face on. I am not feeling sorry for him. I had a moment where I realized that I am an emotionally abused woman. I never recognized that in me. All this time, his inaction to address his issues and his avoidance KNOWING my feelings....abusive. This is not love. I told him he'd live like this until the end. He said no. Bullshit.
So now what? Today, on my 48th birthday I woke up feeling determined. I am going to also consult with the mediator that he met with. I want to hear the information for myself. I made it clear to him that I no longer want to be married. We need to figure out a plan for our kids, our home, our finances...together. If he is unwilling to work with me, I'll make my move.
I began reading Gabrielle Bernstein's book, The Universe Has Got Your Back. I am going to continue working on myself and find peace and listen to my inner guidance as I navigate myself out of this marriage and away from my refuser.
It's time. Please send me all the positive vibes you can. I'm going to need them.
Hugs to you all and thank you for your loving support.
