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Post by sminpa on Oct 11, 2016 15:39:10 GMT -5
Let me first say I AGREE WITH COUNSELING!
Ok, so how long do you think it took the new counselor to say "so why do you think she doesn't want to have sex with you?"
Let's just say under 8 minutes.
I went in with my ducks in a row and all the amazing info I have received here and sure enough there I was defending why I think my wife should have sex with me.
So I went threw the list I posted here the other day and when I hit "she thinks I'm mean" the proverbially counseling air brakes were slammed and the counselor started "so why do you think she thinks you're mean?" I told her probably because she won't sleep with me and I regularly call her some pretty nasty names under my breath!!!
Well this went on for a while and to make an hour long session short we got to this (almost verbatim)
Counselor- "men and women see love making differently men are more physical and women are more emotional, so maybe if we can address the issues then emotionally she may come around to wanting to hold your hand and be more physical with you in the future"
Me- "so why can't we address my physical needs now and have sex?l
Counselor- "our times up"
Hahahahaha. I wish I could have recorded it.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 11, 2016 16:50:41 GMT -5
So nothing has changed in the marriage counseling world in the past 25 years since I did my stint. I wasn't good enough to fuck and you aren't either. Good luck.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 11, 2016 16:59:19 GMT -5
Oh crap. This is a male? That actually SUCKS. I'd be pissed.
It doesn't seem fair to me that when women go in saying "why won't he have sex with me?" that a counselor automatically understands how emotionally hurtful it is. But when a man comes in asking - they get - you lech, what is wrong with you that you want more sex from your wife than she wants to give you?
Seems WRONG.
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 11, 2016 17:11:48 GMT -5
Ridiculous!!
Marriage is about compromise.
Celibacy is not normal in a marriage.
If something is not normal we fix it. If it can't be fixed we get rid of it.
It's up to your wife to fix it. Only she can change it.
Just my 2 cents.
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Post by sminpa on Oct 11, 2016 17:14:28 GMT -5
I met with the counselor first then my wife is suppose to go and then we go together.
So I went and basically argued with the women. Should work out well
Best part is now my wife is supposed to call to make an appointment. Don't hold your breath.
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Post by beachguy on Oct 11, 2016 17:59:34 GMT -5
By refusing you your wife took total control of the marriage. The position of the counselor just validates that total control as the focus of the counseling will be devoted to changing you into a better (perfect?) husband. You can accomplish the same thing by staying home and arguing about sex
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Post by baza on Oct 11, 2016 18:00:58 GMT -5
Like you Brother sminpa, I am a fan of counselling, with proviso's.
#1 - being individual counselling for oneself, so you are bringing the best possible version of yourself to the table.
#2 - being individual counselling for the spouse, for the same reason as above.
#3 - being joint counselling for self and spouse where you both bring the best possible versions of yourself to the table to negotiate a resolution.
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Where it will all fuck up, is if one of the parties (and this is just as likely to be you as it is her) does not embrace their individual process.
Under those circumstances, "joint" counselling is a complete waste of time.
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In this group, it usually plays out with one of (and sometimes both) the spouses not engaging in their individual process.
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When that happens, it falls to the most dis-satisfied spouse (usually the refused) to mandate an end to the marriage.
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In our commonly shared situations, you can control only one thing. Yourself and your choices.
And that is a real good thing for anyone - irrespective of marital status / marital quality - to work on.
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Post by csl on Oct 12, 2016 13:21:49 GMT -5
-Me- "so why can't we address my physical needs now and have sex?
-Counselor- "our times up"
Proper response - "Well, then, we know where we'll pick up at the start of our next session, don't we?"
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 12, 2016 14:10:19 GMT -5
-Me- "so why can't we address my physical needs now and have sex? -Counselor- "our times up" Proper response - "Well, then, we know where we'll pick up at the start of our next session, don't we?" My Response -"So I am supposed to met her emotional needs and pray that she meet my physical ones? You can 'pray' that my co=pay check clears." |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 14:18:29 GMT -5
This counselor knows nothing about sexless marriages. Or sex. Or marriage.
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 12, 2016 14:53:31 GMT -5
This counselor knows nothing about sexless marriages. Or sex. Or marriage. So a Priest? Awesome. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 12, 2016 14:57:20 GMT -5
Counselor- "men and women see love making differently men are more physical and women are more emotional, so maybe if we can address the issues then emotionally she may come around to wanting to hold your hand and be more physical with you in the future" Isn't this 1st degree stereo typing? That would be a big turn off from a councilor who is supposed to be giving me customized, individual, one on one service! Physical: I was naked, you clothed me. Hungry, you gave me food. Cold and wet, you gave me shelter. Pretty basic. This can be accepted or denied too. But the person giving, has the satisfaction of the physical evidence. They know how a vast majority would perceive there efforts as the right thing to do. emotional: you can have 100 people, with 100 different approaches, yet it comes down to the person with the emotional problem to decide wether to accept, any of it, or deny all of it. Which keeps the person giving the emotional healing in a constant , never ending loose, loose situation. So, maybe, if emotionally she might want to hold your hand, ( give a starving person a crumb of bread and a drop of water) in the future. Boy, that's encouraging!! Kind of missed that in the marriage vows. The only person on the planet that I am allowed to give intimacy to or have sex with, is allowed to deny me sex and respect.( quoting my own STBX here during counciling) " there's a chance, that I might, possibly, consider, that maybe, sometime, I might possibly need to work on that, some". |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 14:59:47 GMT -5
This counselor knows nothing about sexless marriages. Or sex. Or marriage. So a Priest? Awesome. Might as well be. As might I as well have been in my marriage. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2016 15:03:34 GMT -5
Counselor- "men and women see love making differently men are more physical and women are more emotional, so maybe if we can address the issues then emotionally she may come around to wanting to hold your hand and be more physical with you in the future" Isn't this 1st degree stereo typing? That would be a big turn off from a councilor who is supposed to be giving me customized, individual, one on one service! Physical: I was naked, you clothed me. Hungry, you gave me food. Cold and wet, you gave me shelter. Pretty basic. This can be accepted or denied too. But the person giving, has the satisfaction of the physical evidence. They know how a vast majority would perceive there efforts as the right thing to do. emotional: you can have 100 people, with 100 different approaches, yet it comes down to the person with the emotional problem to decide wether to accept, any of it, or deny all of it. Which keeps the person giving the emotional healing in a constant , never ending loose, loose situation. So, maybe, if emotionally she might want to hold your hand, ( give a starving person bread and water) in the future. Boy, that's encouraging!! Kind of missed that in the marriage vows. The only person on the planet that I am allowed to give intimacy to or have sex with, is allowed to ( quoting my own STBX here during counciling) " there's a chance, that I might, possibly, consider, that maybe, sometime, I might possibly need to work on that, some". That's a pet peeve when people who should know better perpetuate that ridiculous stereotype. Just look at the membership here. You'll find men craving emotional intimacy and women more interested in getting laid than in chocolates and cuddling. Well maybe not the chocolates. |
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 12, 2016 15:11:25 GMT -5
Counselor- "men and women see love making differently men are more physical and women are more emotional, so maybe if we can address the issues then emotionally she may come around to wanting to hold your hand and be more physical with you in the future" Isn't this 1st degree stereo typing? That would be a big turn off from a councilor who is supposed to be giving me customized, individual, one on one service! Physical: I was naked, you clothed me. Hungry, you gave me food. Cold and wet, you gave me shelter. Pretty basic. This can be accepted or denied too. But the person giving, has the satisfaction of the physical evidence. They know how a vast majority would perceive there efforts as the right thing to do. emotional: you can have 100 people, with 100 different approaches, yet it comes down to the person with the emotional problem to decide wether to accept, any of it, or deny all of it. Which keeps the person giving the emotional healing in a constant , never ending loose, loose situation. So, maybe, if emotionally she might want to hold your hand, ( give a starving person bread and water) in the future. Boy, that's encouraging!! Kind of missed that in the marriage vows. The only person on the planet that I am allowed to give intimacy to or have sex with, is allowed to ( quoting my own STBX here during counciling) " there's a chance, that I might, possibly, consider, that maybe, sometime, I might possibly need to work on that, some". If I started a religion - it would be "I was naked, you clothed me. Hungry, you gave me food. Cold and wet, you gave me shelter. Horny and got me off. Sober and got me drunk." |
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