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Post by sminpa on Oct 9, 2016 19:57:40 GMT -5
Hi, has there been a list created of why those being refused feel their refuser is doing it?
Yes, I know it's "their deal" not ours but I just want to see if I am completely crazy or if others run threw these same reasons, daily.
Appearance
- She doesn't find me attractive
- My penis is too small
- I've gained too much weight
- I've lost too much hair
- I don't dress nice enough
- She doesn't like my glasses or whatever
Sexual Preference
- She love someone else
- She is emotionally attached to someone else
- She is asexual
- She is gay
- She hates sex
- She hates semen
- She thinks sex is gross
Mind Games
- "It's because your always angry"
- She wants the control
- I'm not good enough
- Not good enough job
- Don't make enough money
Life excuses
- Too tired
- Don't feel well
- Feel gross
- Menstrual
- "Really?"
What am I missing?
Does this sound familiar?
Is it wrong I mutter profanities under my breadth quite often.
By the way, last sex was Jan 3 and Oct 27 before that. Good times.....
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Post by beachguy on Oct 9, 2016 20:23:28 GMT -5
My list is mostly a subset of yours. Not that it matters. I never figured it out and you probably won't either
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Post by baza on Oct 9, 2016 20:50:24 GMT -5
That's a pretty extensive (but by no means complete) list of "whys" you have compiled there Brother sminpa.
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And any one of them is as good / valid as any of the others.
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Whichever you select as appropriate is just as good as any of the others, because at the end of the day, you are disenfranchised just the same, and your choices are just the same irrespective of which "why" is (or is not) in play.
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Take darktippedrose as an example. The problem there is that her spouse is a complete looney.
Or greatcoastal, who's spouse's priorities are money rather than her primary relationship.
Or obobfla, whose spouse has physical and mental issues.
Or another Sister, who's spouse claims to be only capable of rooting her in Montana.
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Various "whys" are in play for various people.
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But the end result is common to all. They have all been disenfranchised.
And their choices are all the same.
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"Whys", if known (and they are usually not known) vary.
Your choices as a disenfranchised spouse do not vary.
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But it is a pretty handy list of "whys" you have put together there.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 9, 2016 21:38:43 GMT -5
I found chasing why didn't benefit me. It drained time & energy from my exit planning.
Good list.
I'm not sure what it is useful for but if it makes you feel better through the exercise of cataloging, then there may be some benefit.
My Ex's why list began year before I even knew it but:
ED (got Cialis, wouldn't take it)
Diabetes (great excuse to not even bring up the Cialis anymore)
Prostate Cancer (gland removed, wouldn't do the therapy to keep flesh ...um...flexible? had radiation, did testosterone suppression)
Became a tyrant who ruled the entire universe (sorry you didn't get the memo - neither had I)
I found EP (the earlier "version" of this group, so to speak) - learned all I could - made a decision & plan - delivered decision, hired the lawyer & moved out. Never a dull moment in the past "year in the life" of this grantgeek.
Now that I've quit my grant job, I guess I need to think on a new screen name.
Any suggestions will be considered, btw.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2016 22:24:52 GMT -5
A few guys on here or EP were handed the bad news by their wives that their dick was too big.
Good excuse really. What's he going to say, no it's not?
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Post by sminpa on Oct 9, 2016 22:31:50 GMT -5
Selfishly, I am putting this together for the new counselor I am seeing on Tuesday. (Insurance changed)
Inevitably the question will come up "do you have any idea why she may not want to be intimate with you". I want to run down the whole list and then ask if they can fix that? Hahaha
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Post by bballgirl on Oct 9, 2016 22:58:43 GMT -5
The therapist asked my ex point blank why he didn't want sex with me.
His response: sex isn't important to me.
Translation: I'm not important to him.
Result: Divorce
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Post by ggold on Oct 9, 2016 23:23:52 GMT -5
A few guys on here or EP were handed the bad news by their wives that their dick was too big. Good excuse really. What's he going to say, no it's not? OMG...is this for REAL?  Smart strategy by refusing wives!! (Why am I still awake??? ) |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2016 2:09:02 GMT -5
I went to therapy for years with a number of different therapists to find out why, spent thousands of dollars and never did get a complete answer...... and I'm the "Refuser" Sometimes even the people with no sexual desire for their spouse don't even know what's going on.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 10, 2016 8:51:49 GMT -5
Selfishly, I am putting this together for the new counselor I am seeing on Tuesday. (Insurance changed) Inevitably the question will come up "do you have any idea why she may not want to be intimate with you". I want to run down the whole list and then ask if they can fix that? Hahaha This is a GREAT reason. You'll have done the homework already and save WEEKS (maybe months!) of office fees. Good work! |
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Post by wewbwb on Oct 10, 2016 10:33:30 GMT -5
Now that I've quit my grant job, I guess I need to think on a new screen name. Any suggestions will be considered, btw. "HotGeek" "BabeGeek" "SexyGeek" "Looksgoodinyellow" "Workinprogress" Let me know if I should go on.  |
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endthegame
Junior Member
Posts: 96 
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by endthegame on Oct 10, 2016 16:17:48 GMT -5
I am holding a right whopper geek?
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Deleted
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The List?
Oct 11, 2016 0:14:03 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 0:14:03 GMT -5
A few guys on here or EP were handed the bad news by their wives that their dick was too big. Good excuse really. What's he going to say, no it's not? OMG...is this for REAL? Smart strategy by refusing wives!! (Why am I still awake??? ) Yeah no joke. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 11:01:08 GMT -5
I think the main problem is there are no list. We never really get a straight answer to why. They may use some of the excuses on your list to shut us down when we broach the subject but we all know the simple fact they don't want sex and even if we did know why it wouldn't matter in the long run your still going to be spending your life walking around with blue balls (no sure what the females equivalent is  ) |
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Deleted
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The List?
Oct 11, 2016 14:02:43 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2016 14:02:43 GMT -5
I found a great sense of freedom once I no longer cared "why."
Although, I guess I know why. He developed some health problems and depression. Nothing I did (or didn't do) was enough to convince him to get help and consistently do the things he needed to do, in order to be the man he used to be.
And, the last time we Talked About It™ he says, "I'm trying as much as I'm going to try." And, "I have other priorities."
But somehow, I *still* feel like 1) I was being selfish because he's been sick and depressed; and 2) what if I made a mistake? What if that relationship was the last one I could reasonably expect to have? Was it just time for me to settle down and accept getting old? Was that my fate, and being alone is my punishment for not accepting my fate?
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Smart strategy by refusing wives!!
) 