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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2016 12:20:20 GMT -5
Today is my birthday. Yipee! I have lived another year. So yesterday being my wife and my only day off together, we decided to go to the local watering hole and visit with some friends. I suggested that I might have a better time if I got laid first. (I was feeling very frustrated at the time). Lo and behold, she agreed! Yay! pre-birthday nookie! It had been months since our last encounter and years since actual intercourse. I know, I know - reset sex. But as we were getting dressed she makes the comment, "You know, I don't hate it quite so much anymore. You could ask for it more often." Wait. What? So, I get a backhanded compliment and a request for more sex? I know, I know reset sex. I am not breaking up with my FWB just yet. "I don't hate it quite so much anymore." Woo. F*ckin'. Hoo. There's an ego booster! "That's ok, I don't like it as much anymore. Let's go get a drink." |
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Post by Frustrated1978 on Apr 25, 2016 23:04:53 GMT -5
Today is my birthday. Yipee! I have lived another year. So yesterday being my wife and my only day off together, we decided to go to the local watering hole and visit with some friends. I suggested that I might have a better time if I got laid first. (I was feeling very frustrated at the time). Lo and behold, she agreed! Yay! pre-birthday nookie! It had been months since our last encounter and years since actual intercourse. I know, I know - reset sex. But as we were getting dressed she makes the comment, "You know, I don't hate it quite so much anymore. You could ask for it more often." Wait. What? So, I get a backhanded compliment and a request for more sex? I know, I know reset sex. I am not breaking up with my FWB just yet. "I don't hate it quite so much anymore." Woo. F*ckin'. Hoo. There's an ego booster! Does the ego wonders doesnt it.
I remember once the wife and i went away and had an awesome first day away. Nice dinner followed by an awesome meal with some wine.
We get back to the hotel and she blurts out i suppose you want sex. Hurry up lets get it over with.
I feel your pain.
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Post by itsjustus on May 18, 2016 8:03:14 GMT -5
My ex husband still said he had no idea and was devastated. One common thing I have noticed in reading iliasm posts over the years is that refusers never seem to have any idea. From their perspective, refusal is normal and justified. I am sure there are exceptions, but thats the way things usually go. This is what I noticed too, including in mine, and very much here in snowman12345 story. Of course I was struck by his W's "Gee, that didn't suck so bad" comment, but what really struck me was the "you'll have to ask for that more often" one. The casual, that's just how it works, dismissal that intimacy with her has to be asked for, begged for is another phrase, and not freely given as part of her love for him, caught my ear. It's just "normal" that he is the only one that thinks of being intimate, and he needs to ask first. Oh...and it's ok now to ask a little more often. As long as it still doesn't suck so bad... |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2016 8:49:48 GMT -5
I was told that she withholds intimacy from me because she feels that I don't do it for HER I do it for ME - I told her I do for US.
She said "so it's not for ME then?"
(sex isn't even the issue at this point do to her health)
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Post by LITW on May 18, 2016 8:58:37 GMT -5
I was told that she withholds intimacy from me because she feels that I don't do it for HER I do it for ME - I told her I do for US. She said "so it's not for ME then?" (sex isn't even the issue at this point do to her health) So she wants intimacy to be all about her? Thats not selfish .... at all ....  |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2016 9:04:11 GMT -5
According to her - I'm a narcissist.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 9:10:49 GMT -5
According to her - I'm a narcissist. What are her grounds for calling you this? I certainly have mine with my husband, but don't take this term lightly. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2016 9:17:45 GMT -5
There ARE times I am selfish - some of them in response to not getting the intimacy I crave or any sexual contact for a decade. So yes sometimes I can be selfish. I try not to be spiteful.
I am very hesitant to call people anyone a narcissist that's a term to throw around.
Am I selfish - yes sometimes I am, no doubt- a narcissist - not in my opinion - If I really truly was - I would have walked out as soon as I wasn't getting what I wanted 20 years ago.
But I could be wrong - I'm not an expert.
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Post by angryspartan on May 18, 2016 9:40:46 GMT -5
I was told that she withholds intimacy from me because she feels that I don't do it for HER I do it for ME - I told her I do for US. She said "so it's not for ME then?" (sex isn't even the issue at this point do to her health) I got the "You only want me for...." not too long ago. Next time I hear that, I'm going to say "For the here and now, yes." |
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Post by sand5280 on May 20, 2016 2:44:14 GMT -5
I remember once the wife and i went away and had an awesome first day away. Nice dinner followed by an awesome meal with some wine.
We get back to the hotel and she blurts out i suppose you want sex. Hurry up lets get it over with. At the risk of being overly rude, and I generally do not have a mean disposition, I say a comment like this is almost deserving of this response to her: "Yes I sure do want sex. I'll be down in the hotel lounge, see you in the morning." |
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Post by darktippedrose on May 20, 2016 3:00:32 GMT -5
There ARE times I am selfish - some of them in response to not getting the intimacy I crave or any sexual contact for a decade. So yes sometimes I can be selfish. I try not to be spiteful. I am very hesitant to call people anyone a narcissist that's a term to throw around. Am I selfish - yes sometimes I am, no doubt- a narcissist - not in my opinion - If I really truly was - I would have walked out as soon as I wasn't getting what I wanted 20 years ago. But I could be wrong - I'm not an expert. everyone has some traits of narcissism. Some traits are actually healthy. Just not all of them. According to my therapist, my husband is basically a sociopath. wanting healthy sexual and nonsexual intimacy in your marriage is NOT being narcisstic. thinking about your needs while you're being ignored isn't narcisistic. |
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