Devastating Comments revisited

Still not bad. Happy birthday! I for one don't know whether it's gonna happen again. Haven't gotten any on any of my birthdays or anniversaries. Why not ask for it more often. You might be one of those few turnarounds.

I'm speechless. Hang on to that FWB.

Thanks!

One common thing I have noticed in reading iliasm posts over the years is that refusers never seem to have any idea.  From their perspective, refusal is normal and justified.  I am sure there are exceptions, but thats the way things usually go.

I've been particularly bothered lately by all the refusing men telling their wife / GF she is fat. Mainly I am bothered by the general insensitivity of it all. I am also wondering just how many of these men are super fit and muscular etc. putting them in the position to complain.

I for one am really pleased that my sweetie is adding some weight. She is now saying she is fat. But she easily sees my two viewpoint items: One, I like it, plain and simple, and I remind her that she looks good. Two, her health is improving which is a big deal, and also presently not very capable of much physical exercise. So we are both content with this.

Yesterday I went to the big grocery store, which is of course always completely filled with women of all shapes and sizes. I began to think of an old EP story I had, very short:

In the past until recently, I would see all these perfectly happy couples all around. Holding hands, laughing, picking out groceries. There was the constant thought, I'm sure lots of hot and steamy, or maybe slow intimate sex for them this evening. As I myself was holding hands, laughing, picking out groceries. But not to experience that special evening.

Now I have read so many of the stories, of individuals and couples also all around me, seems it's just not this way at all. So many that are suffering silently. Some angry, sorrowful, frustrated, confused.

And now I wonder how many of those happy couples are looking at us, thinking like I have before. I am in a situation where she physically can not. And I shamefully consider myself a terrible man, for feeling this way.

The reason this came to mind, is one specific lady, big ring on finger. I saw a parallel to the story. This one instance puts the man at fault so guys please bear with this. I wondered if maybe she prefers to shop alone, because she is tired of being told she is selecting the wrong brand. Or he is always asking what is taking so long. Or he is home lounging in a hammock while she goes. I imagined she was also the victim of his fat comments. It was her chance to get away, and wear the pants she likes, that show some jiggle, and not hear about it. I hoped that she knew I was looking at her.

I should also note I really should not be gazing at women at the grocery store, so I am guilty of this. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I am seeing everything quite differently than I did before.

JMX, I've mentioned this before, but your husband sounds depressed.   It's a strange thing to admit you're over weight, and then deliberately pack on weight in front of your wife who is getting healthy and offering to help you.   Cry for help maybe?   

I've seen this particular thing way too much lately -- suicide by gluttony.  

I mentioned the part about men who are not in terrific shape, complaining about the other (keeping in mind it can go both ways). This is out of line and downright unfair. Myself I am in great shape for a 49 year old man, but I have a perfect understanding of the human body, in that not everyone can easily maintain their physical appearance. This becomes Nobody can easily do it, as we get older.

After the doesn't matter comment, and the beer and chips incident, you slimmed down according to the agreement, and you plan to continue. I really don't want to sound cruel or mean, but he will have to watch as you are grabbed up by 1) Someone else who did not eat the beer and chips, 2) Someone who genuinely tells you they like the way you look and get that body over here now, or 3) Some unsuspecting very lucky fortunate man who gets caught in your sharp cougar claws.