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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 27, 2016 19:14:55 GMT -5
She's been making plans and saying she's going to do things, like go back to yoga, and start running again, and being around more.
Got home from work at 5:45. She was already in bed asleep, said she was napping before going to yoga. Took the dogs for a 45 minute walk. Got back, very asleep. Started cooking dinner, she got up for a bit, went and laid down on the couch. Fifteen minutes later she's back in bed. And the stack of takeout boxes is starting again on the nightstand.
So, a week and a half of change, and maybe the beginning of business as usual again.
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Post by baza on Sept 27, 2016 20:24:00 GMT -5
Yep, if everyone keeps playing their role in the dynamic (refuser as "maker" of excuses, and the refused as "acceptor" of excuses) then business as usual continues.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 27, 2016 23:28:52 GMT -5
She's been making plans and saying she's going to do things, like go back to yoga, and start running again, and being around more. Got home from work at 5:45. She was already in bed asleep, said she was napping before going to yoga. Took the dogs for a 45 minute walk. Got back, very asleep. Started cooking dinner, she got up for a bit, went and laid down on the couch. Fifteen minutes later she's back in bed. And the stack of takeout boxes is starting again on the nightstand. So, a week and a half of change, and maybe the beginning of business as usual again. Yeah, you'd think they'd be getting tired of playing the same role over and over just like we do wouldn't you. Im sorry Tiger x |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 29, 2016 18:54:44 GMT -5
She's been making plans and saying she's going to do things, like go back to yoga, and start running again, and being around more. Got home from work at 5:45. She was already in bed asleep, said she was napping before going to yoga. Took the dogs for a 45 minute walk. Got back, very asleep. Started cooking dinner, she got up for a bit, went and laid down on the couch. Fifteen minutes later she's back in bed. And the stack of takeout boxes is starting again on the nightstand. So, a week and a half of change, and maybe the beginning of business as usual again. This doesn't even seem like "normal" health. Has she got fatigue? Depression? Low Vit D levels? Anemia? I don't think it's healthy to even need that much sleep. She has a disconnection somewhere in her brain. Or something. Frustrating on multiple levels. How many more months (or weeks) is the commitment to therapy? Sorry you have to go through it - don't let her get YOU down! |
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 29, 2016 19:14:35 GMT -5
This doesn't even seem like "normal" health. Has she got fatigue? Depression? Low Vit D levels? Anemia? I don't think it's healthy to even need that much sleep. She has a disconnection somewhere in her brain. Or something. Frustrating on multiple levels. How many more months (or weeks) is the commitment to therapy? Sorry you have to go through it - don't let her get YOU down! The last two sessions, our counselor has started gently suggesting that there are things she should consider talking to somebody, last week about lingering anxiety issues, this week about low self-esteem, or whatever else it is that's holding her back from letting anybody get close to her (emotionally). She said she wants to go back to her old therapist (the way overpriced lady at the House of Healing in the middle of nowhere the next county over), so we'll have that conversation next. I took off early from work today, as my sinuses have been acting something fierce as well, and I was running out of tissues and Claritin; she was planning on taking the afternoon off to get stuff done. I got home from work around 2, and she was already crashed out on the couch (she was planning on doing laundry and going running today). So this all goes in the journal, where I'm keeping a log of time spent in bed/ on the couch/ etc. I figure there's no use tipping the boat before the new year- the counseling is I think through probably December anyway; I'll also have a longer post coming soon about everything that's been going on with us to explain everything in more detail, too. |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 29, 2016 22:08:28 GMT -5
I think the extreme sleeping is an avoidance technique-- and so is thinking there is only ONE therapist who could possibly help.
She's instinctively still running the agenda (even - I think it could be completely below her level of awareness, I think that's what's happening)
Good luck with the sinus trouble! You have better odds of fixing that than suddenly waking up one day to her keeping her word on all these "sounds good" strategies.
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Post by cagedtiger on Sept 29, 2016 22:10:47 GMT -5
I think the extreme sleeping is an avoidance technique-- and so is thinking there is only ONE therapist who could possibly help. She's instinctively still running the agenda (even - I think it could be completely below her level of awareness, I think that's what's happening) Good luck with the sinus trouble! You have better odds of fixing that than suddenly waking up one day to her keeping her word on all these "sounds good" strategies. Oh, I absolutely agree; the phrase "avoidance technique" has come up more than once in my individual therapy, as a matter of fact. I'm becoming more and more certain that the "let's be friends" relationship is where we probably should have stayed all those years ago. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Sept 30, 2016 2:17:46 GMT -5
Does your face want to explode when you lean forwards cagedtiger?  Hugs xxx |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 30, 2016 6:07:37 GMT -5
Avoidance technique and manipulative controller. Sound like they go hand in hand?
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 30, 2016 7:41:13 GMT -5
I'm becoming more and more certain that the "let's be friends" relationship is where we probably should have stayed all those years ago. I assume the reason that friend zone option wasn't appealing to her is because it did not include "let's be friends and you pay for everything and become my cover story for a real relationship so I just don't have to actually DEAL with vulnerability" - - that is, I don't think you would have gone for it if the full terms had been disclosed. Hence, the bait & switch needed to accomplish her goals. Good luck! |
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