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Post by misssunnybunny on Sept 11, 2016 18:53:48 GMT -5
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 11, 2016 19:12:16 GMT -5
I like the last one, psychology today article. Food for thought! |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 11, 2016 19:30:51 GMT -5
I've done the living apart in a steady relationship thing for a few years in my 20s. We probably ended up sleeping in each other's beds 3-5 days out in the week, even though it was across town and I'd spend 40 minutes on the first tube of the morning getting over to her house after shutting down the typewriter. (she had a car)
It was pretty wonderful. I could really go for that again.
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Post by solodriver on Sept 11, 2016 19:35:31 GMT -5
Actually, I'm not sure whether or not I want to live with a man again at all. I've discovered I like having my own place. A man would have to be almost miraculously special to persuade me to give that up. I do want a partner again, but couldn't we just live in the same neighborhood and visit a lot? Wanted to throw this out there. I remembered it, and looked it up. It's from the book "Growing Through Divorce" by Jim Smoke. What if I don't find someone? National statistics ( don't know the date on this, book was written in 1995) indicate that 90 percent of all divorced persons remarry . With the average on your side, the chances are you will remarry someday. Hopefully you will wait until you can put your life back together and grow from the experience of your divorce. Woman frequently ask where all the good eligible men are. The men ask where all the good eligible woman are. One thing is for sure- they are not all hiding in the same place. There are good people everywhere. You will find them if you take the time to look. There are people who choose not to remarry, and this is a personal choice. Not everyone should be married and not everyone should be single. Every individual should evaluate what is best for them. it is not easy to start dating life after being married for 10,20,30,40, years. In many instances, it's not a case of being to old, but to rusty. Remembering what to say, what to do, where to go, and how to act is not easy when you have lived a long time with only one person. Dating after many years of a married existence will be as scary for you as it is for your 15- yr. old son or daughter. You build confidence as you go. And unless you decide to remain single the rest of your life, you will have to enter the dating world. i would like to find as recent a statistic on this as possible. Found it! 2013 ; 64% men and 54% women remarry. I had that book from my first divorce. Some good information in it. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2016 19:38:09 GMT -5
greatcoastal, thanks for the reassurance that most people do find someone again. I'm not sure if I'd want to make it a legal marriage or not, but "finding someone," can cover a lot of ground.
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Post by becca on Sept 11, 2016 19:39:22 GMT -5
I don't know that I would be worried I would never meet someone, fall in love and marry again. Ok, a little... But I would be concerned I would end up right here again.
I can honestly say, I never saw it coming at all. If you told me those first few years I would be here I would have laughed and said it wasn't possible.
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Post by unmatched on Sept 11, 2016 20:26:01 GMT -5
I just realized I have never lived with a man who wants sex. If I ever live with a man again, I have no idea if our sex drives are likely to align. What weird thoughts, first to think that I would ever live with anyone agajn, and then to consider maybe I would be the lower libido spouse, how odd that would be. Don't you think all marriages have some libido mismatch? My sex drive goes up and down and I am sure everyone else's does, so there is change from day to day or week to week, and then there will always be one with a higher average than the other. I don't think that is a huge deal in a relationship for two people who are able to communicate with each other. You being a refuser, as in really not wanting sex much at all? I find that a little harder to imagine... |
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Post by jim44444 on Sept 11, 2016 20:56:21 GMT -5
... i would like to find as recent a statistic on this as possible. Found it! 2013 ; 64% men and 54% women remarry. Why are those percentages not closer? If 1 million couples get divorced then 320,000 men remarry and 270,000 women remarry where do the extra 50,000 women come from? Maybe from the Asian brides website. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 11, 2016 22:15:20 GMT -5
I don't know that I would be worried I would never meet someone, fall in love and marry again. Ok, a little... But I would be concerned I would end up right here again. I can honestly say, I never saw it coming at all. If you told me those first few years I would be here I would have laughed and said it wasn't possible. Oh, trust me - before this happened, I never would have believed there was any such thing as a man who doesn't want sex. |
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Post by JMX on Sept 11, 2016 22:32:08 GMT -5
@helentishappy - I never thought about being the lower libido partner. Hmm... I will have to think about that for a bit. I have always been frightened that history would repeat. I had a long-term relationship before my marriage (6 years) where I was STILL the higher libido. He was into it, definitely. No problems for years. But towards the end it kind of petered (maybe for both of us) and, as I recall, one night we did it doggy style so he could watch WWE. I was compliant and kind of giggled about it, but now, looking back (way back) I think I may be suspicious that I will never be enough in the end. That didn't last much longer and I was the one who moved on (for various reasons) but it does make ME wonder at least if I can hold someone's attention for a long enough period of time to have a long-term relationship where I don't feel jipped.
I require fair amount of attention. But I wonder if that need was met, would I get a little lazy?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 12, 2016 0:57:20 GMT -5
Wanted to throw this out there. I remembered it, and looked it up. It's from the book "Growing Through Divorce" by Jim Smoke. What if I don't find someone? National statistics ( don't know the date on this, book was written in 1995) indicate that 90 percent of all divorced persons remarry . With the average on your side, the chances are you will remarry someday. Hopefully you will wait until you can put your life back together and grow from the experience of your divorce. Woman frequently ask where all the good eligible men are. The men ask where all the good eligible woman are. One thing is for sure- they are not all hiding in the same place. There are good people everywhere. You will find them if you take the time to look. There are people who choose not to remarry, and this is a personal choice. Not everyone should be married and not everyone should be single. Every individual should evaluate what is best for them. it is not easy to start dating life after being married for 10,20,30,40, years. In many instances, it's not a case of being to old, but to rusty. Remembering what to say, what to do, where to go, and how to act is not easy when you have lived a long time with only one person. Dating after many years of a married existence will be as scary for you as it is for your 15- yr. old son or daughter. You build confidence as you go. And unless you decide to remain single the rest of your life, you will have to enter the dating world. i would like to find as recent a statistic on this as possible. Found it! 2013 ; 64% men and 54% women remarry. I had that book from my first divorce. Some good information in it. Maybe people in their 30's and 40's remarry but in their mid to late 50's and 60's......I highly doubt the numbers are anywhere near that high. |
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Post by petrushka on Sept 12, 2016 1:00:08 GMT -5
I require fair amount of attention. But I wonder if that need was met, would I get a little lazy? That's just it, isn't it? Getting lazy, taking the other person for granted, forgetting about greasing the axles of the relationship and doing some maintenance. Not clever. Of course, there's the other thing as well, and I don't think we can neglect that: I think most of us are still alive ... that is, we're looking around, we're still trying to grow and develop. And my conclusion is: yeah, when you stop growing (you start dying as the proverb will have it) you DO become boring. And even if you don't become boring, there's the chance that two people grow in different directions ... One might become more conservative, the other more outrageous, kind of thing. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2016 13:59:42 GMT -5
Don't settle.
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Post by pinkjeanie70 on Sept 20, 2016 21:30:27 GMT -5
I haven't lived with a man who wants sex, either, and I fantasize about spontaneous sex a lot. Or, experiencing the knowing look in his eyes that something spicy is going to happen soon. To feel and be truly desired is worth more than a good paycheck, nice jewelry or fancy vacations. Been there. Done that. How he spends his paycheck (wisely) and time (actively) are more important to me. I wonder if I, "need" to be married or if I'd live with a man again. Isn't it weird to be starting over in mid-life and being fairly self-sufficient? I mean, I don't have kids, I'm beyond child bearing years, I live in a home I can afford on my own, and I don't take care of anyone's meals, laundry or budgets. I'd live with a man for the sake of snuggling, more spontaneous sex and quality of companionship. Yep. It'd have to be a quality dude to live with him.
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Post by unmatched on Sept 20, 2016 21:38:18 GMT -5
I haven't lived with a man who wants sex, either, and I fantasize about spontaneous sex a lot. Or, experiencing the knowing look in his eyes that something spicy is going to happen soon. To feel and be truly desired is worth more than a good paycheck, nice jewelry or fancy vacations. Been there. Done that. How he spends his paycheck (wisely) and time (actively) are more important to me. I wonder if I, "need" to be married or if I'd live with a man again. Isn't it weird to be starting over in mid-life and being fairly self-sufficient? I mean, I don't have kids, I'm beyond child bearing years, I live in a home I can afford on my own, and I don't take care of anyone's meals, laundry or budgets. I'd live with a man for the sake of snuggling, more spontaneous sex and quality of companionship. Yep. It'd have to be a quality dude to live with him. This. One thing I think that sucks about marriage is you end up tying all your possessions, your house, your children (if you have them), your social life, your friends to something as potentially fickle as your love life. And God knows that people change, they fall in and out of love, and they make mistakes. If you are at a point where you can make getting into (and staying in) a relationship entirely about the relationship and not about anything else, then you are in a great position. |
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