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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2016 12:38:52 GMT -5
jim44444: "A few weeks ago the W asked if I would do something that I did not feel like stopping to do at that time. So I said no. She then got huffy and stated how I could not be bothered with a small request to make her happy. So I looked at her and asked "Do you wanna fuck?" End of discussion." Best. Answer. Ever.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 15:15:58 GMT -5
Just so I'm clear about this.
This isn't about gender roles.
I can fix anything. Yes I know it sounds cocky but honestly, in the 30 years of repair, both home and at work, I haven't found the thing I cant repair. If I don't know how already, I'll learn how.
And I am proud of the fact I can.
So I don't mind doing it. I actually enjoy it.
I do mind not knowing I was supposed to fix it and then finding out she mad because I didn't fix it.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 10, 2016 16:16:02 GMT -5
wewbwb - I'd suggest you listen to the requests, carefully transcribe them into "Her Wishlist" then make one for you - "My Sex Wishlist" - for every one thing she'll do for you from your list, you'll fix one thing around the house. I don't think it'll fly - just being a smartass. But in seriousness - the whole "gender-assigned work" is meaningless. I now live alone & I either have to figure it out or call the landlord's maintenance guy (or take the car to the shop, etc). Compared to how things were at my married house - doing all of the things myself, or knowing that I have not, or making my own list (of my OWN priorities) is f*cking cakewalk compared to every small thing the Ex would ask me. (hop up, get a drink, when you go into that kitchen, will you bring me my meds, can you empty the trash, that coffee pot is icky I think that's why it tasted off this morning, will you hold these two things will I put glue on them..... Sometimes he would interrupt me doing the last thing he just asked and add 2 or 3 more things in quick succession - I would STOP AND GLARE - and try through gritted teeth to explain that I can't do your next favor until I am done with THIS favor for you) Partners maybe are all irritating sometimes - but god, our Refuser "partners" are real PROs. I may ask you to hold something for me while I both my hands are full. Just saying...  |
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Post by GeekGoddess on Sept 10, 2016 16:36:14 GMT -5
wewbwb - ......will you hold these two things will I put glue on them..... I may ask you to hold something for me while I both my hands are full. Just saying... As long as it is not to glue anything. Alternative sticky, or slick, substances - I'm game. But not to glue something, okay? Just sayin' :-) |
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Post by becca on Sept 11, 2016 8:11:05 GMT -5
Just so I'm clear about this. This isn't about gender roles. I can fix anything. Yes I know it sounds cocky but honestly, in the 30 years of repair, both home and at work, I haven't found the thing I cant repair. If I don't know how already, I'll learn how. And I am proud of the fact I can. So I don't mind doing it. I actually enjoy it. I do mind not knowing I was supposed to fix it and then finding out she mad because I didn't fix it. I would be happy if my H just helped me fix stuff! Finances aren't great right now so we can't afford to pay someone and he is home A LOT now. The current list: broken gate, busted mailbox, some wood needs replacing on deck, back door is falling off hinges...the list goes on. I did find a Fix it book in the Goodwill and so I have been able to make some small repairs to toilets. I replaced a shower head. I put a new lock on our front door and replaced a cracked tile in the kitchen. I guess I am not the only one he is neglecting lately. |
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 11, 2016 8:25:47 GMT -5
becca , okay, and I'll apologize in advance. If you need to borrow any "tools" from me, let me know. Haha. Sorry. One of the things that bothers me about this, and I may be being overly sensitive about this, but when I fix something, how about a "thank you" or "good job"? Fixing things is about the one thing I'm really good at. Positive feedback would go a long way.
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Post by becca on Sept 11, 2016 8:33:00 GMT -5
Fixing things is about the one thing I'm really good at. Positive feedback would go a long way. Yes! A thank you goes a long way! For me it is cooking. I love to cook a meal and have someone enjoy it. My H will take a bite and immediately tell me it needs more salt, needed to cook less/more. Ask my why I did it a certain way. Some dishes, like Chicken Parm, I just don't cook at all anymore because it was never as good as his mother's. Just a little "job well done" goes a loooong way for me. I am all about those words of affirmation. |
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 11, 2016 8:57:35 GMT -5
Fixing things is about the one thing I'm really good at. Positive feedback would go a long way. Yes! A thank you goes a long way! For me it is cooking. I love to cook a meal and have someone enjoy it. My H will take a bite and immediately tell me it needs more salt, needed to cook less/more. Ask my why I did it a certain way. Some dishes, like Chicken Parm, I just don't cook at all anymore because it was never as good as his mother's. Just a little "job well done" goes a loooong way for me. I am all about those words of affirmation. Chicken parm. Great. Now I'm hungry. |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 11, 2016 12:20:07 GMT -5
Fixing things is about the one thing I'm really good at. Positive feedback would go a long way. Yes! A thank you goes a long way! For me it is cooking. I love to cook a meal and have someone enjoy it. My H will take a bite and immediately tell me it needs more salt, needed to cook less/more. Ask my why I did it a certain way. Some dishes, like Chicken Parm, I just don't cook at all anymore because it was never as good as his mother's. Just a little "job well done" goes a loooong way for me. I am all about those words of affirmation. Yes. This. I don't care if it's warming up leftovers, I make sure W knows I appreciate it. On the other hand, I know I'm the only one who can appreciate how impossible a repair was, but a thank you would still be nice for avoiding a costly repair / replacement. When the attitude is that DC is expected to fix everything (and why isn't it done yet?) that kinda deflates any interest in going "above and beyond". |
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Post by DryCreek on Sept 11, 2016 12:27:34 GMT -5
Just so I'm clear about this. This isn't about gender roles. I can fix anything. Yes I know it sounds cocky but honestly, in the 30 years of repair, both home and at work, I haven't found the thing I cant repair. If I don't know how already, I'll learn how. And I am proud of the fact I can. So I don't mind doing it. I actually enjoy it. I do mind not knowing I was supposed to fix it and then finding out she mad because I didn't fix it. I'm with ya on all points. If it's broken, there's not much to lose by trying, and much to be gained by succeeding. I'm not gonna make it "more broken" if I fail. It is sad, though, how much more could be repaired if things weren't designed to be disposable. "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" needs a 4th leg - "Repair". |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 21, 2016 12:06:04 GMT -5
LOL. That is too funny!
I'm the fixit person in our house.
This is what my hub does: He goes and gets a pack of post-its and puts them in front of me with a pen and starts dictating. I know this sounds overbearing but he doesn't do it in a mean way. It's a collaboration. I appreciate that I don't have to go find the materials to make the list.
Try it. Next time she tells you about something, in a VERY NICE "I have a great idea" way, get the post-it's and a pen and put them in front of her.
If she stabs you with the pen and makes you eat the post-its, I'll send you flowers
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2016 13:43:24 GMT -5
This sounds like one of those marital arguments that's not about what it's about.
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Post by wewbwb on Sept 21, 2016 14:52:30 GMT -5
LOL. That is too funny! I'm the fixit person in our house. This is what my hub does: He goes and gets a pack of post-its and puts them in front of me with a pen and starts dictating. I know this sounds overbearing but he doesn't do it in a mean way. It's a collaboration. I appreciate that I don't have to go find the materials to make the list. Try it. Next time she tells you about something, in a VERY NICE "I have a great idea" way, get the post-it's and a pen and put them in front of her. If she stabs you with the pen and makes you eat the post-its, I'll send you flowers No one has ever sent me flowers. It might be worth it..... |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 21, 2016 21:20:13 GMT -5
LOL. That is too funny! I'm the fixit person in our house. This is what my hub does: He goes and gets a pack of post-its and puts them in front of me with a pen and starts dictating. I know this sounds overbearing but he doesn't do it in a mean way. It's a collaboration. I appreciate that I don't have to go find the materials to make the list. Try it. Next time she tells you about something, in a VERY NICE "I have a great idea" way, get the post-it's and a pen and put them in front of her. If she stabs you with the pen and makes you eat the post-its, I'll send you flowers ROFL, yes so true
My wife wants ME to get the pen and post it note to write down the things she thinks of, while she is on her IPhone, that has a to do list app.
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Post by petrushka on Sept 22, 2016 1:29:39 GMT -5
must .. remember .. to .. get .. a .. whiteboard For me, by me. Actually, currently lists get made on the back of an envelope. There always seem to be enough bills coming in - although it's all shifting to email 'cause they are too tight to spend money on stamps. Incidentally, wewbwb ,that dialogue really reminds me of communication here when my wife has a p-a streak. Just doesn't want to commit to anything. Will not let on if she wants chicken or beef for dinner, and the 'you don't have to do that right now' thing as well. <grins> Having said that, my w. is the one who always wants to go out and do stuff herself. Only comes to me to find out how it's done when she doesn't know (or if it involves questions of left vs. right or clockwise vs. counterclockwise). But she's a demon with my cordless drills. And the bandsaw. And the air tools. Spanners are a problem (see above). :-D |
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