jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 15, 2017 20:46:49 GMT -5
jpn Welcome! So glad that you've decided to post here. It can be quite cathartic once you do get your story out. The first step to actually taking back your life, I think anyway, is to get it all off of your chest. We'll always be here for you - we "get" you friend. Thanks Lyn. I've already received SO much great information here. I'm looking forward to contributing along with everyone else whenever possible and continue to be part of the collective "we" in support of us all, and others. (feels great to be part of a "WE" that understands and are open) Cheers!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 14, 2017 20:47:52 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum jpn. Thanks nancyb. Very happy to be here! And... WOW... LOTS to read on here!!
I think your "status" is one of the best! "You can't control the wind but you can direct your sail."
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 13, 2017 20:47:23 GMT -5
Thanks McRoomMate. It feels great to be able to talk about SM and read everyone's thoughts... and I've been doing a LOT of reading!!! Cheers. Welcome. I hope you find some comfort here. Comfort. You know, that is one of the best words to describe my experience so far and reading as much on here as possible. Comfort. Very well put. Thanks for the warm welcome... feels great to be a part of a group that are pulling for each other. .... comfort... I like it!!! Cheers!!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 13, 2017 20:39:11 GMT -5
For all of you that are divorced or a the process of getting one, was there a moment that you just knew it was the right thing to do? I'm struggling with what I should do. I'm so afraid. Hi Carol,
I don't have the answer and I'm in the same boat as you. But I do have an ODD coincidence story "hot off the presses" for you. Today after work I had JUST finished reading your "When is it time to go?" post when I was pulled away. The W wanted to watch the news about a lady in town who's pension was cancelled after her H had passed away. She wanted to talk about my pension to make sure she's covered if I had died. It turned into an hour conversation about amicable divorces and people we both knew who had bitter "money money money" divorces. Coincidence??
... I know deep down inside that I need to end my marriage (a.k.a long term friends only relationship), but when and how, and can I do it? Coming to this site has been so incredible to hear other's thoughts and stories, including yours. I know that I'm no longer alone, and with time (hopefully not too long), I will come to the point of a steady breath and be at peace with the decision and let it happen.
Carol, reading your posts, it sounds like we're in the same situation... along with many others in this forum. I hope that everyone's input will help us both get to the place we need to be, no matter what that place may be.
Cheers.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 12, 2017 18:18:43 GMT -5
Thanks McRoomMate. It feels great to be able to talk about SM and read everyone's thoughts... and I've been doing a LOT of reading!!!
Cheers.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 12, 2017 11:14:57 GMT -5
Congrats on taking this all head on and making changes for the better. It all makes sense, and it's great to see it laid out in a positive way. I know the physical health issue is a big one for me, and tough to stay on point with it. I already had 3 excuses lined up for why I really, really, really shouldn't workout today. You have reminded me of the core reason to "get it done". Thanks!!! ... heading down for my workout now. No better time than the present!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 12, 2017 3:01:23 GMT -5
I'm definitely in the friend-zone, deep, deep, deep in the friend-zone, with thoughts on joining the divorce-zone. Mamma always said that playing the zone makes for a boring hockey game, but maybe switching zones can lead to a new lease on life?
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 12, 2017 2:37:02 GMT -5
Baza, thanks for the great guidelines. That's exactly why I'm here, to get a level point to this all and right out of the gate you see it true and say it like it is. I've appreciated many of your posts, and the guidelines are tops! Thanks!! Thanks for the greetings dinnaken and GeekGoddess. The members of ilasm.org are no doubt a life ring tossed my way as the waves overtake. I can appreciate what everyone is going through and I look forward to continue reading all of your posts and being part of the group. Cheers!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 10, 2017 22:50:52 GMT -5
Good day all... Before I introduce myself, I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Reading your posts over the past month has made me feel some hope, and no longer alone, even though this is my first post. I used be outgoing, had lots of friends, played sports on many teams, and enjoyed a healthy and fit life. I moved to a different city for work and my circle of friends and activities stayed behind. I met my wife in 2000 in this new place. I didn't know anyone and she made me feel like I wasn't so suddenly alone. Standard relationship story, everything is great at the start, we had a lots of fun and our sex life was great. Fast forward 5 years, after our daughter was born, SM for 2 years from there. We slowly increased that 0% chance of intimacy to actual sexual activity (if you could call it that)... most frequent was about once every 3 or 4 months for the next few years. Always being declined, I can so relate to other's posts in the forums. Routines took the life over and the past 7 years have been 0% intimacy. YIKES!! I started to gain weight, lost interest in keeping myself up, fell into a bit of a depression, and buried my attention in work. About a year ago she had, first time ever (probably not at the very beginning, but can't recall another time), tried to initiate sex. It just didn't feel right, so I declined. I just don't look at her the same way any longer.
Was that wrong? Did I avert a "reset"? I don't know.
Fast forward again, to today... I've never been more frustrated. My wife is an introvert, and looking back the social circle of my life never did expand and just stayed stagnant. So I've been on my own thinking about how to resolve this, with no one to "talk" to about it all. I'm getting my 'notes' straight on how to talk to her about all of this and the progression of our marriage to where it is today. I've "enabled" the situation to be where it is due to my own lack of understanding of the ramifications of watching the water come into the boat and not getting to the bailer before the boat was starting to sink.
Reading the posts on this forum makes me realize a lot, and feel like I'm no longer alone. So again, thanks to all of you for putting yourselves out there, sharing your stories, your thoughts, and the humour is always great.
Good day. My name is JPN and ILIASM.
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