jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 26, 2017 20:40:59 GMT -5
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 26, 2017 20:16:20 GMT -5
Don't forget to put your clocks forward! I've never lived there... but eternaloptimism, I have got to say, you pick some great songs!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 23, 2017 21:46:20 GMT -5
So... how many "songs of the day" can I add in a day?? I don't want to open the flood gates. (yikes!) ... BUT... I do enjoy this one, and right now it's on my mind. *sigh* I remember some good times. Those were quite some time ago.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 23, 2017 21:14:58 GMT -5
So... how many "songs of the day" can I add in a day?? I don't want to open the flood gates. (yikes!) ... BUT... I do enjoy this one, and right now it's on my mind.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 23, 2017 21:12:59 GMT -5
I just love Nina.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:38:27 GMT -5
I'm the oldest of three. Largely absent father (businessman). Learned to fend for myself, rather shy. Hi dinnakenAnother "fend for myself" situation. Did you have brothers or sisters, or both?
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:36:12 GMT -5
... except I'm sure that I deserve a lot of the blame.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:33:13 GMT -5
Another oldest child here. @andie , I too have wondered if my very self-sufficiency and ability to cope with life have made me more likely to be neglected. Do I give off vibes that say, "I don't need you"? Hmmmmm... I think I can relate to that.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 19, 2017 8:30:31 GMT -5
W is the middle of 3 girls, and I'm the 3rd or 4 (I have 3 sisters).
I'm here and she is just happy with her routines of life. So not sure that it fits with the "norm". Except for maybe the "fend for myself" part.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 18, 2017 12:42:06 GMT -5
Good day all... Before I introduce myself, I just wanted to say thank you to you all. Reading your posts over the past month has made me feel some hope, and no longer alone, even though this is my first post. I used be outgoing, had lots of friends, played sports on many teams, and enjoyed a healthy and fit life. I moved to a different city for work and my circle of friends and activities stayed behind. I met my wife in 2000 in this new place. I didn't know anyone and she made me feel like I wasn't so suddenly alone. Standard relationship story, everything is great at the start, we had a lots of fun and our sex life was great. Fast forward 5 years, after our daughter was born, SM for 2 years from there. We slowly increased that 0% chance of intimacy to actual sexual activity (if you could call it that)... most frequent was about once every 3 or 4 months for the next few years. Always being declined, I can so relate to other's posts in the forums. Routines took the life over and the past 7 years have been 0% intimacy. YIKES!! I started to gain weight, lost interest in keeping myself up, fell into a bit of a depression, and buried my attention in work. About a year ago she had, first time ever (probably not at the very beginning, but can't recall another time), tried to initiate sex. It just didn't feel right, so I declined. I just don't look at her the same way any longer.
Was that wrong? Did I avert a "reset"? I don't know.
Fast forward again, to today... I've never been more frustrated. My wife is an introvert, and looking back the social circle of my life never did expand and just stayed stagnant. So I've been on my own thinking about how to resolve this, with no one to "talk" to about it all. I'm getting my 'notes' straight on how to talk to her about all of this and the progression of our marriage to where it is today. I've "enabled" the situation to be where it is due to my own lack of understanding of the ramifications of watching the water come into the boat and not getting to the bailer before the boat was starting to sink.
Reading the posts on this forum makes me realize a lot, and feel like I'm no longer alone. So again, thanks to all of you for putting yourselves out there, sharing your stories, your thoughts, and the humour is always great.
Good day. My name is JPN and ILIASM. Hi jpn, sad story I can relate to in the sense also my husband is an introvert who almost never sees any friends in person. Only meets them online or rarely on the phone. Though I am closer to them, see them more often, also I don't have many friends. And we moved places a lot. My H clings to me a lot and also is jealous of me having other contacts (got a bit better though). So, this "outer" isolation and monotony adds to the depression of a SM for me. Honestly, in former years I had always thought if you are a couple it would be easier to meet up new people/ couples, but strangely it nearly never happens to us. Quite to the contrary, when we were separated for a good while (due to work) I noticed both of us but especially myself having more and more frequent friendship contacts. They seemed to vanish since we're together again and I asked myself why or is it just a coincidence?! I also noticed myself caring more for my looks and several people (friends and relatives) said I was looking better. Now I notice I don't care that much any more esp. the way I dress .. Hi lostheartI know exactly what you're talking about!! Very frustrating. It's so easy for the downward spiral of depression to take us over. For me, I noticed my humour becoming more sarcastic, I would eat more, and not work out. I would get lost in the web for hours, searching for answers. I finally know/confirmed my answer, just not how to get there just yet. Well, at least we are here... where others are in the same/similar boats. Here we can talk about it, let it out, read other's stories and opinions and suggestions... and just as important, be a part of something outside of our SM that is positive. For me, that has already made a huge difference in my depression. Know that lots are here to listen... myself included. It's nice to have a friend.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 17, 2017 8:40:53 GMT -5
The talk will happen, and leaving is inevitable. (so say all of the inside voices of common sense that are screaming to get out) But the when? What will it take for me to have the talk sooner than later? Oddly enough, her last marriage also turned into a roommate/friendship situation. They had just one day said they should go their own ways. But, in our situation, she is 100% happy and wouldn't change a thing... she has everything she wants/needs. I'm miserable, but I don't take it out on other people and I'm always upbeat when I interact with anyone. She knows that I'm not happy about the SM, but that doesn't phase her. Well, I'm an "over thinker"... probably due to all of the voices. (no, they are not ACTUAL voices people!!!... ish... hehehe) So what would it take??? I guess, getting up the nerve after taking heed to all of the excellent advice and opinions of everyone here. oh... and after I have a chance to talk it all over with the voices.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 17, 2017 8:39:02 GMT -5
The talk will happen, and leaving is inevitable. (so say all of the inside voices of common sense that are screaming to get out) But the when? What will it take for me to have the talk sooner than later?
Oddly enough, her last marriage also turned into a roommate/friendship situation. They had just one day said they should go their own ways. But, in our situation, she is 100% happy and wouldn't change a thing... she has everything she wants/needs. I'm miserable, but I don't take it out on other people and I'm always upbeat when I interact with anyone. She knows that I'm not happy about the SM, but that doesn't phase her.
Well, I'm an "over thinker"... probably due to all of the voices. (no, they are not ACTUAL voices people!!!... ish... hehehe) So what would it take??? I guess, getting up the nerve after taking heed to all of the excellent advice and opinions of everyone here.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 17, 2017 0:41:00 GMT -5
I've been playing this over and over... feels right at the moment.
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 15, 2017 21:02:14 GMT -5
So, I made a post earlier. It was the usual "My Story" kind of thing. I deleted it 10 minutes later. I was TERRIFIED that my W would find it, and there was so much dialogue that is very recent that she would know I had written it. Too much detail she could recognise of our lives. (plus an affair) She is not interested in fixing this, so she's hardly going to Google it, and stumble upon this forum. She's not very tech savvy anyway, but the fact she's unlikely to care enough to search for info is the real kicker. Ahhhhhhh, HELP me!!! /ENDRANT My first post, I typed up WAY more than I ended up finally posting, thinking along the same lines. So I can relate to the anxiety. Okay, so maybe I might have typed her FULL name and email address at the beginning, but who looks up their OWN name in Google nowadays? (Just kidding, I didn't go near that close to who she is... LOL) I have to tell you though, after just a few day of reading many, many, many of the stories here and the incredible responses that everyone contributes, it has really taken a load off my mind. I hope it does the same for you as well. Today, I was actually smiling on my drive home, looking forward signing in here to read more again tonight. I see light at the end of the tunnel, not sure how long it will take me to get through the tunnel, but the light is at least there!! Hang in there!
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jpn
Junior Member
Brrrrrrrrr...
Posts: 75
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by jpn on Mar 15, 2017 20:51:24 GMT -5
Just wanted to say hi, before I post my story in SM, as recommended. I'm 47yo M, been in a SM for about 7 years. Reasons are far reaching, and some are genuinely due to medical issues for both myself and my wife. I found this community via the r/Deadbedrooms sub on Reddit. It's nice to find somewhere to start sharing my thoughts and feeling, and to find out I'm not alone. I look forward to the journey Good day filigree! Welcome to the forum... I'm new here as well and from my short time already, I can tell you there is a LOT of great posts on here to read, and you are definitely not alone here. I hope the best for you on your journey!
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